What’s the general MN verdict on donor eggs?

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The general critical re-examination of surrogacy is quite evident, and I have my own views on that, which I’ll keep quiet for the purposes of this thread.

Now I find myself chewing over other fertility treatment. I’ve had fertility treatment myself and so have family members. So I have a sense of how private clinics put you on a conveyor belt and normalise things.

What is the general view on donor eggs & embryos (implanted into the birth mother and gestated by her)?

Im trying really hard not to bias the result so have tossed a coin to assign YABU/YANBU to viewpoints. Don’t read into that.

YANBU = Donor gametes are ethically fine.
YABU = Donor gametes are problematic.

As anyone who has read my posts on here will know, I'm massively anti surrogacy. But I don't believe that donor gametes are the same and I think it's misguided to conflate the two.

I know a lot of lesbian couples who have used donor sperm and, providing they are absolutely open, and that they don't use anonymous sperm, I don't see an issue.

I can see that there are more difficult issues with donor eggs. As for the process, women who are doing ivf are already doing that hideous process. They don't harvest the eggs separately.

Everyone who wants a child wants one who is genetically related to them. Some people are lucky (and heterosexual) and that happens through fucking. Others are not so blessed.

Exactly this. Its very offensive.

@thinking123 Agreed. I keep seeing these hyperbolic statements about the IVF process from people who haven’t even been through it themselves. Aside from some heaviness in my ovaries I had no side effects and felt totally normal after my egg collections. The physical part is the easiest bit of IVF.

I used to be very blasé about adoption and had a similar "oh, I'll just adopt" attitude, but having done a lot of research have changed my mind entirely. The reality is that adoption with no familial link is emotionally very difficult for many children and these days (in many countries, but obviously not all) it is rightfully the last resort for a child. Contact with the biological parents should be facilitated where possible.

There was a lovely Louis Theroux documentary US adoption some years ago. One adoptive mother came to a similar conclusion and her family had integrated the boy's biological mother into their lives as much as they could.

The fact you make jokes on such an emotive topic you’ve stirred up is pretty pathetic.

As another poster has mentioned, all you have done is give a platform for the woefully educated and nasty on here to spew vile views on other peoples birthing journeys. Same crops up with the surrogacy posts time to time. It’s just nasty.

You don’t think anybody should be allowed to discuss donor gametes?

Can you think of any other topic where it would be a good idea to confine a topic of conversation to those that have the most to gain from it?

well not on this forum no, the amount of absolute batshit views around surrogacy, drag queens and various other emotive subjects shows it’s not the most balanced place.

I think that there is a UN study that suggests that donor conceived kids had some issues with being donor conceived. Those who were not told until longer down the line were the most unhappy. I think it is unfair to use egg or sperm without being honest with your kids and being prepared to support them in finding the donor.

People should be allowed to talk about anything. If it offends or upsets people then they can just hide the thread

Yeah, more "Women. Be quiet" shit. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Perhaps a discussion forum is not for you?

Just wanted to add to something an earlier poster said about many people being too polite to air their views on egg donation in real life. I agree.
This is something I wouldn't discuss with people IRL because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. As we have seen on here, some can get very distressed and I'm not trying to be a dick to people who have obviously had a hard time creating a family.

However I do think it's deeply unethical and exploitative. You should have to pass a financial test to donate eggs and only do it if you have savings over a certain limit, and can fund your own fertility treatment several times over if needed. Then we would really see how much of a 'free choice' it is

I expect if that happened we would see next to no egg doners, because barring a few altruistic exceptions, most women are unlikely to fancy giving away what basically amounts to one of their own biological children to strangers out of the goodness of their heart.

There’s a difference between confining conversation and giving people an opportunity to be judgemental about a sensitive topic they know nothing about.

By all means we should listen to donor conceived adults, donors, child psychologists and parents through donation. And if reform is needed it should come through their lived experience.

I don’t see what good it does to know that some random mumsnet user thinks it’s ‘eww’.

I don’t see what good it does to know that some random mumsnet user thinks it’s ‘eww’.

Absolutely no one is saying that however.

There is discussion about the ethics of it from everyone's point of view. And yes people are entitled to an opinion about that and to express it.

And of course you wouldn’t want to be a part of such a discussion forum? 🙄

It's now eww, it's reasonable arguments and observations that can be made without a view to achieving a consensus that benefits those demanding the loudest voice. It's not for you to say who can and cannot speak.

@TheKeatingFive literally the very first post said that.

literally the very first post said that.

ok I stand corrected. Given it was only two letters it didn't register. However to sum up the thread as a whole like that is a total misrepresentation.

Nobody said “eww”. 🤨

This might work better if you read the thread.

Well someone did say 'ew'

Nah, this forum shuts down posts that offend a certain set of posters all the time.

clearly people on here aren’t able to talk about anything and expect people to hide threads.

Oh I see you mean the person who just plop-posted “eww” and ran (!?)

You know the purpose of the discussion isn’t to discuss their “view” right? Everybody except you quietly ignored that post.