What’s the general MN verdict on donor eggs?

[Sortilege]

The general critical re-examination of surrogacy is quite evident, and I have my own views on that, which I’ll keep quiet for the purposes of this thread.

Now I find myself chewing over other fertility treatment. I’ve had fertility treatment myself and so have family members. So I have a sense of how private clinics put you on a conveyor belt and normalise things.

What is the general view on donor eggs & embryos (implanted into the birth mother and gestated by her)?

Im trying really hard not to bias the result so have tossed a coin to assign YABU/YANBU to viewpoints. Don’t read into that.

YANBU = Donor gametes are ethically fine.
YABU = Donor gametes are problematic.

But there is no need for discussion on this topic. If I posted a thread titled ‘what’s your views on teen mothers, I think they’re so wrong and babies shouldn’t be born to teenage girls because they’re shit parents’ it would be considered goading and most likely taken down.

Yes ISWSMs now.

I don’t see what good it does to know that some random mumsnet user thinks it’s ‘eww’. is a bit hyperbolic, though, isn’t it? We’re not all here discussing that post. Most of us did not even notice that post.

To me it's just like eggs on the supermarket shelf, they are never going to become chicks. It's the combining with a sperm (which nobody has a problem with the donation of) and every cell is nourished/grown by the woman who eventually gives birth and becomes the loving mother. End of the story, she is the parent! I don't, however, feel that money should change hands for any of this, it should only be for altruistic reasons that anybody donates, just like blood products.

Many actually

adoption - there is a reason posts on that sub are blocked from showing up in active for this very reason tbh
infertility
IVF
ways to grieve

just to name a few topics where those who haven’t experienced the topic shouldn’t really chime in.

More like ‘those with no common sense or empathy be quiet’

the same would apply to men making such sweeping, inaccurate and nasty comments on such an emotive subject

Probably, but that’s not analogous. I very carefully didn’t express an opinion or a bias. I was asking an open question to find out what people really thought, because despite thinking about it quite hard for years, I’m still a bit on the fence myself.

Which is light years from “what’s your views on X, I think they’re so wrong and babies shouldn’t be born to Y because Z is shit.”

They are boards that are managed to build community, the chat forum and aibu are for discussion. You could bring up any one of those topics on this board and expect robust debate with many voices.

I don't exclude differing voices from discussion.

I think that’s an utterly bizarre and totalitarian viewpoint, but if you honestly think that “there’s no need for discussion on this topic”, please do report the thread to MNHQ.

But having a child isn’t necessary in any medical way??

And also the NHS already does that - it makes decisions on when to offer and withdraw treatment all the time.

@Sortilege the very fact you posted this shows the side of the coin you fall on this ‘debate’

This post is goady in the worst way possible, offensive to many on this site and allowed certain users a chance to spread nasty, poorly researched and biased views on a matter most have 0 understanding of. It’s a topic no one should be entitled to have a view on, if they don’t like donating eggs, don’t donate an egg. Same applies to most if not all medical decisions for women, and men. It’s not yours or anyone else’s business.

but if you honestly think that “there’s no need for discussion on this topic”, please do report the thread to MNHQ.

Exactly. The in-thread policing isn't ok. If you think it's breaking guidelines, report it.

That’s complete piffle @VeryTrying22 and not, I’m sorry to say, a very intelligent approach.

It’s a topic no one should be entitled to have a view on

Well, there you go. Jesus. But yet, here we are, talking.

People, especially the poorly informed shouldn’t get an outlet to be so nasty about private medical decisions other women make.

I can tell how a post as goady as this on abortion would be taken.

@Sortilege I expect you and the other posters didn’t notice that because it didn’t make you feel shit to see it. You have the luxury of skimming past. I’m sure anyone who is a parent through donation noticed it.

if they don’t like donating eggs, don’t donate an egg.

Its not as simple as that as I'm sure you well know. Some women are manipulated into doing so, or exploited for money. We all have the right to comment on that.

I never notice the non-contribution posts like “ew” “yawn” etc. I’m surprised anyone does. You certainly can’t let it make you feel bad.

I can tell how a post as goady as this on abortion would be taken

It would meet with robust debate. Not people complaining someone had a point of view.

I have a problem with sperm donation 🙋‍♀️

I have no thought or feeling on egg donation or surrogacy either way.
I was fortunate to be able to conceive my children naturally. Not everyone has that good fortune and I can only imagine how heartbreaking that must be.
If someone desperate for a child of their own wants to go down that route to achieve this, and someone else is prepared to donate either their eggs or body to allow that to happen, then who am I to criticise.

I haven't read the thread. But it's simple. Thank you dear donor mum - and I hoped the shared treatment worked for you too. Lots of love.

But our story was from before the law changed in 2005. Now that opened up the current situation in the UK - which basically allows any infertile family to travel anywhere in the world - buy eggs - and no-one knows. Or for gay male couples to travel to other countries and literally bring babies and children back into the UK without proper legal documentation. Now all of that really isnt OK. Egg sharing was a wonderful MUTUAL arrangement between infertile families.

Is it truly mutual sharing if a woman can only afford IVF if she donates eggs? What if she is sadly unable to conceive and birth a biological child but her egg leads to a successful human for another family? I don’t know, I’ve not been in that position. Just thinking really.
I am pro donor as I support someone close to me going through it. It’s certainly not without ethical questions though.

@ChocChipPancake Because having a child is not a human right, let alone a medical condition. I’m not saying those situations aren’t very sad but life is extremely unfair and we have a health service that was not designed to support many things that it is currently being asked to and almost everything is more important than funding IVF. In a world where we’re currently unable to offer many treatments for illnesses such as cancer and MS and thus have some of the worse survival rates of western countries, we should not be funding people trying to have children.