What’s the general MN verdict on donor eggs?

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The general critical re-examination of surrogacy is quite evident, and I have my own views on that, which I’ll keep quiet for the purposes of this thread.

Now I find myself chewing over other fertility treatment. I’ve had fertility treatment myself and so have family members. So I have a sense of how private clinics put you on a conveyor belt and normalise things.

What is the general view on donor eggs & embryos (implanted into the birth mother and gestated by her)?

Im trying really hard not to bias the result so have tossed a coin to assign YABU/YANBU to viewpoints. Don’t read into that.

YANBU = Donor gametes are ethically fine.
YABU = Donor gametes are problematic.

It’s very complicated.

Ultimately I wouldn’t just hand a stranger a baby, so I wouldn’t donate my eggs. Yes they would probably be used by a loving and responsible person(s), but it isn’t guaranteed and I would always be wondering if the baby I helped to create was safe and loved.

I also do not agree with paid surrogacy or egg donation in any form.

When it comes to altruistic donation… hmm. It just seems far too complex emotionally for the child, if not for the parents as well. Particularly if they know the donor. The issue is most egg donor children are not adults yet, so there’s no way of measuring the impact on them.

these stories always attract the ‘I tell my toddler a kind lady gave me an egg’ stories but you can’t tell anything from that because they’re a toddler so obviously will accept whatever they’re told

ultimately I don’t agree with it I suppose

I think altruistic donation is fine. I don't think you should get paid for it because then it might make women do it out of necessity, and no-one should be forced to do it just because they're struggling financially.

I don't really see the issue with donating eggs if you want to. My friend regularly donates eggs because she loves kids and wants to help others have kids (she has four children already and doesn't have the resources to have more), and I always found this quite sweet. She doesn't get paid for it either.

And yet here we are.

I would suggest you read through some of the writings of the now adult donor conceived children.

There are some here
www.wearedonorconceived.com

But there are other places on the internet if that site does not appeal.

Personally I found far too many overlaps between my own experience of living in the shadow of “parental wants before children’s needs” and theirs to ever consider gamete donation and surrogacy an ethical enterprise. Regardless of it being completely altruistic and coercion-free, or not so much. Human beings, even teeny tiny ones, are not commodities, nor a gift for one adult to bestow onto another.

I do know someone who (after masses of failed IVF) had a baby (herself) using a donor egg and her husband’s sperm. Everybody was very happy for them all and the baby is much loved.

How old are the children now?

I think you know we’re not debating whether EXISTING children should be exterminated or not! But hey, way to shut down conversation with a bit of emotional blackmail.

Yes, it must be difficult. Even at the point when you’re considering treatment, you’ve already lost impartiality to some extent. I know that from experience.

That is part of the reason my rational head says we should have had this debate and ironed out the policy wrinkles before donor conception went mainstream. The problem was, I suspect, that nobody anticipated that it would go mainstream.

"And yet here we are."

Mumsnet's gain really is the Oxford Union Debating Society's loss.

In that case I like to think you would’ve felt able to say no?

"That is part of the reason my rational head says we should have had this debate and ironed out the policy wrinkles before donor conception went mainstream. The problem was, I suspect, that nobody anticipated that it would go mainstream"

You say that like large swarthes of people think sperm/egg donation is a massive problem that needs resolving. Surrogacy from poor countries has its dissenters, but that's different.

Any kind of economic exchange is unethical IMO, including egg ‘donation’ in return for reduced cost or free fertility treatment.

I suppose there aren’t many of us who would choose not to exist. I do always wonder, though, if I had gone through with donor gametes treatment, (or if I still made a last minute dash for it), how would that child feel about it, and how would society view that child?

Future policy can be refined, regardless. The greater the numbers being born this way, the more important it is to get it right.

😏

I have a friend with an Oxford Union membership. I sometimes think I should tag along there more often, to scratch the discursive itch.

Yeah I’m not convinced outside of mumsnet large amounts of people think it’s an issue, I’ve actually never heard anyone voice a negative opinion about egg or sperm donation outside of this website, and I used to work at a fertility hospital that provided both.

I'm not sure it will. There is a massive push to move towards implementing a commercial surrogacy model in the U.K. for the convenience of the people who are angry about the current altruistic model.

Difficult one.

As a general thought, there are serious issues with any aspects of reproduction being bought / sold, which applies to surrogate eggs.

Equally there is a sliding scale of impact on the donor which is significantly different if we're talking about carrying a pregnancy and giving birth, to donating eggs, to donating sperm - in that order.

Most of those who donate eggs tend to be young and poor, so again its less about free choice and more of an exploitative practice. However I do see a distinctive moral difference between those who do it to pay for college or whatever and those who want to share spare eggs from their own IVF rounds.

I'd be interested to know what children born of donor eggs feel about it all.

In conclusion, I'd be against donor eggs as something that you pay for, but in other circumstances I'm probably okay with it. Lots to work through in terms of the child/donor mother's rights however.

I would imagine many of the people commenting on this thread do have personal experience of infertility, miscarriage and having children. Thus having insight into this in some way or another.
But equally, something so emotive cannot only be discussed or decided by people who are close to it - it does require a level of detachment and perspective when making law and policy.
I know personally children born through surrogacy. Several of my friends are adopted or have adopted children. I know it's far from simple. There's great joy but also a lot of pain.
My views on fertility/infertility/adoption etc have changed over time and with experience. When I was younger, I was quite blithe about adopting/donating. Now I know I could not donate an egg as the thought of a child that is half of me being out there, but unknown to me - however well loved and cared for, I just couldn't do it. But I wouldn't judge another woman for making a difference choice.

Surrogacy, donor eggs and sperm is fine imo. But in all cases, children should have access and contact details to their biological source (though they wouldn't be held financially liable nor have any legal rights over them).

Well I just didn’t know. I have heard the odd negative comment IRL, from people who don’t know our history, but nothing major.

So I was posting to find out what the dominant view was.

As it turns out, the vote is 50/50.

Same

I do have a friend who was conceived using donor sperm. She's never had any interest in who the sperm came from

I suppose its the same as adoption, some people just aren't interested

We had IVF to have our child. Using my eggs and his sperm. But the first attempt failed. I didn't produce any viable eggs. We had a long conversation, before we met with the consultant a month later, about whether donor eggs would be the way forward. We didn't have to make that decision as I became pregnant on the next attempt. I still don't know what my (or my husband's) answer would have been - we went back and forth so many times.

But, what I do know, is that a work colleague who was having IVF with a donor egg at the same time is now proud mum to a wonderful teenager, who is the spitting image of her. The matching on height, size, hair and eye colour, ethnic background etc was incredible. He actually looks more like his mum than his dad, the fit was so close.

Both our DSs know they were conceived through IVF (and a donor egg in my work colleague's case).

I'd be interested to know what children born of donor eggs feel about it all.

Yes, me too. I’ll dig a bit more later. I found a couple of sites, but online views tend to cluster to one side or the other.

Personally no, I think donor sperm/eggs/surrogacy should all be illegal.

The problem with all of these procedures is that they are all about someone becoming a parent with very little thought given to the children who are the product of these arrangements.

^I agree