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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

After school club 4 days a week unfair?

77 replies

Workwork21 · 17/05/2022 11:19

I have a civil service job offer and a single parent. I think it is going to be in the office 5 days a week by the time I start and my mum can do one pick up a week. This leaves 4 days a week where they will need after-school club until 5.30/6pm.

I feel awfully guilty at the idea of 4 days a week ASC. The children are year 1 and year 3.

Will it be too much for them? I'm looking for a childminder/nanny share too even if it just gives then a couple of days ASC and a couple of days in something else.

OP posts:

skgnome · 17/05/2022 12:07

It’s not too much, pretty standard and depends on the kid and the club… when my DD started Primary school we did 2 days ASC and 2 days childminder - she still loves the childminder, but after P3 she asked to go exclusively to ASC, that way she could stay for afterschool activities when she wanted and they ASC collected, gave her snacks and they always had activities planned (games, crafts, etc) or let them chill with their friends / books / at some point my DD decided she would do some of her homework in ASC - she just used the other kids to give her ideas for her writing and even interviewed some of them for projects
I know “let the kids be kids” and all that, but a good ASC it’s really just an extended play date / space for them to relax - and they do limit electronics/screen time - it’s a once a teme treat for them to watch a movie there

Donotgogentle · 17/05/2022 12:11

Congratulations on the job op.

I’m ex civil service and one of the main benefits is flexibility. If your dc don’t adapt you should be able to negotiate other arrangements.

My dc used to do ASC 3 days a week and they got used to it, it was fine.

brookstar · 17/05/2022 12:39

We currently do 3 days but will be upping it to 4 next academic year - partly because I need to but also because DS wants to! He loves it

CrackersDontMatter · 17/05/2022 12:41

My son absolutely LOVES ASC and he often asks if he can go on other days. We use it ad hoc so sometimes he's in all week, other times we might not need it for a fortnight but he'd happily go every single day if we let him/needed it.

kirinm · 17/05/2022 12:44

Behavioural problems from after school clubs? Evidence of that please.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/05/2022 12:49

My DS is Year 4, he goes one day a week and loves it, he asks to go more!

EmpressFlabulonTheWobbulous · 17/05/2022 12:56

My reception (young July born) does breakfast club and after school club 3 days a week. So at school from 7:45am-5:45pm. She is always desperate to go and tells us off if we pick her up too early, she likes being one of the last there. All the other parents that I speak to in the pick up queue say the same. So I would say it is absolutely fine to do ASC 4 days a week, your children might love it!

SellFridges · 17/05/2022 12:57

Absolutely fine and normal in my experience.

I have seen no evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, to suggest kids who go to after school club have behavioural problems. Privileged bullshit.

Extrapepperoni · 17/05/2022 12:58

I'm honestly shocked by the split in result (currently says 65% YABU 35% YANBU). I would have thought the split of non-shift working parents would have been higher, though I suppose that grandparents help out as well for some, we dont have that luxury.

My daughter is in ASC 5 days a week and has been in a childcare setting since she was 9 months old. Nursery was 8-5:45 and school is 8:45 - 5:45 two days a week and 7:30 - 545 (breakfast club) three days a week. We both work full time and pre pandemic had 5 days a week from work which meant a commute to factor in as well as the working day.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/05/2022 13:20

There is no down time at school. I know lots of people who made the mistake of thinking their kids could just do after school club every day when they started school because they had previously done 8am-6pm at nursery. The kids all ended up exhausted and with behavioural problems

This answer demonstrates why it’s better to judge your own child and the after school setting as opposed to asking strangers on the internet. Every child and every setting is completely different.

The after school setting my DD attends certainly has plenty of down time. Massive sofas, bean bags, board games and completely optional activities should the children wish to join in. My DD gets cross if I try to collect her early as she loves it. Some days she’s relaxing on a sofa reading or chatting to friends, other days she is playing football, card games or drawing. They do lovely meals too.

However, despite all that, my son never enjoyed anything that wasn’t at home. He was and still is a ‘home body.’

My DD who loves her wraparound care, hated the a previous setting she was in before I moved.

So you really need to make your own judgment on this. Only you know your child and only you know what the after school club is like.

Oh, and my child doesn’t have behaviour issues, nor is she exhausted.

brookstar · 17/05/2022 14:43

The kids all ended up exhausted and with behavioural problems.

All of them?
I don't think so. What absolute rubbish.

user1471538283 · 17/05/2022 14:56

My DS did school club until 6pm 5 days a week and he was fine. It is a long day and I used to try and take hours of leave to do some straight from school pick ups which he loved. I also worked flexi time extra when he was on holiday with his DGF so I could take flexi hours to pick him up.

Depending on your job I wonder if you could also work from home one or two days to do the pick ups and then catch up your hours once the children are in bed?

It is a juggle until children are older.

Testina · 17/05/2022 15:01

Mine loved ASC, 4 days a week. It was just hanging out with her mates - a play date. I’m not just trying to convince myself… on multiple times I’d get there early if I could and she’d ask if I could come back later 🤣
Sometimes I’d call ahead and the staff would call out, “MiniTestina, mum can come now - yes or no?” then good naturedly laugh at my rejection.

The right setting for your child can be lovely.

AegonT · 17/05/2022 15:21

My daughter was in breakfast and after-school club five days a week in reception. She was fine, they have a choice of activities, mostly free play, places to sit quietly with books, the playground to run around with friends. She loves playing with the kids from other year groups that she doesn't get to see in the school day. I've been collecting her earlier now I'm on maternity leave and she misses after-school club! We have no family that can help.

Dinoteeth · 17/05/2022 15:23

OK both my kids were knackered during their first term of school, ASC may have contributed, but by term 2 they were fine Just an adjustment in increasing stamina levels.

underneaththeash · 17/05/2022 15:33

Personally I think it's too much, but sometimes there isn't another option. There are very few au pairs at the moment.

brookstar · 17/05/2022 15:54

underneaththeash · 17/05/2022 15:33

Personally I think it's too much, but sometimes there isn't another option. There are very few au pairs at the moment.

Not to mention that the average family isn't in a position to use an au pair.

trevthecat · 17/05/2022 15:55

Mine are in breakfast and after school club every day. It's unfortunate but necessary

Whiterose23 · 17/05/2022 16:00

Mine have been in ASC since reception between 2-4 days per week. My youngest still goes and loves it. She views it as an everyday play date as her friends go too.

mindutopia · 17/05/2022 16:11

I think that's fine. Both of mine were in 9-5 at nursery from 9 months. Perfectly normal for working parents.

Clymene · 17/05/2022 16:12

I think it's fine. My kids loved going

Original poster

Workwork21 · 17/05/2022 16:16

Thank you, it's reassuring to hear a range of perspectives.

I don't worry about my Y1, he will be thrilled by all that is on offer. I worry more re my Y3 but the worst that could happen is re try and need to reevaluate

OP posts:

Dixiechickonhols · 17/05/2022 16:24

I think that’s a good attitude Op. They may do activities like sports or cooking to keep older ones interested.
Mine didn’t go daily but enjoyed it - good to play with a range of ages - it was lovely to see her at 10 playing dolls or whatever with little ones. They played out on scooters, bikes in yard.
They also used to play bingo for little prizes parents used to be waiting and they wouldn’t come home until game over.

dameofdilemma · 17/05/2022 16:30

You could buy into the fantasy of children skipping straight home from school with an enthusiastic mummy to nutritious snacks and inventive wholesome activities (Baking! arts and crafts! garden treasure hunts! All while making a wholesome dinner in a lovely, tidy home).

The reality is very different. Don't compare ASC to the fantasy, compare it to the reality.
Dd does sports and baking and puzzle solving and dancing and reading and making loom bracelets and playing capture the flag and tag and a whole lot more - all with her friends at ASC. Its not a torture camp.

Hankunamatata · 17/05/2022 16:31

Well doesnt matter if it's fair. You have to work and you need childcare

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