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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think the Library Should Let My Daughter Study?

57 replies

Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 21:40

My 15 year old daughter revises for her GCSE's each evening at the local library because she says it's perfectly quiet and she feels 'in the zone'. She shares a bedroom with her 11 year old sister and while they get on ok, I understand she needs a nice big desk space to herself, which is another reason she likes it. It's been working well until tonight when a staff member approached and asked her age. He then told her to leave as only over 16's are allowed in after 7pm. She messaged me asking to be collected early (we arranged 8.30 as a pick up time and I message her when I'm in the car park). Luckily we live a 10 minute drive, but she was tearfully stood outside alone in the car park when I arrived. I know she's not been causing problems as it's not in her nature, and I have an old school friend who works there and said only last weekend when we passed each other that it was lovely to see her each evening busy working and reading. She never mentioned a 7pm cut off, but she might think my daughter is over 16 as she looks and behaves quite maturely. AIBU to complain and ask them to let her have the extra 90 mins each evening? She's 16 in July but her exams will be over by then.

OP posts:
Basilbrushgotfat · 16/05/2022 21:44

I bave never of heard of anything like this! Definitely speak to management and see if they can make an exception for her or if its down to insurance policy etc

Mally100 · 16/05/2022 21:46

Yanbu. Poor girl is just diligently studying and that what libraries are also there for. I would definitely speak to someone senior to clarify this.

Smartiepants79 · 16/05/2022 21:46

Well firstly you need to find out if that is indeed the policy and possibly what their justifications are for it.
If it is library policy then I’d be surprised if you get them to change it before your daughter has finished her exams.

Glowinglights · 16/05/2022 21:46

I’ve never heard of this rule - I work in a library and we currently have several GCSE / A level students in studying in the afternoons and evenings. We close at 7 so no late nights, but have never heard of a minimum age after 7PM in other libraries. I’d be inclined to ask them to show the policy where this is set out…

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 21:50

They close at 10pm - it's a Gateway Centre too. I'd not want her in there that late, though.
It's just finding the best way to persuade them as it means so much to her. I'm inwardly fuming tonight of course. I was going to pop in during the day tomorrow perhaps. When I'm calm 😉

OP posts:
1940s · 16/05/2022 21:52

Next time I'd tell her to say she's 17. He's not going to ask for ID...

Rosebel · 16/05/2022 21:53

Strange policy. I'd ask if this is actually the case. My DD is also studying for her GCSEs and uses the library until 8pm some nights.
She's only 15 too. It might be different in different areas but check and ask for the reasons.
Otherwise she'll have to go earlier or on weekends. Unfair though.

endofthelinefinally · 16/05/2022 21:58

I had this with one of my Dc and the local sports centre. DC was in the National team for their sport (aged 15) and wanted to train 2 mornings a week before school. The council website states clearly that any child over 12 in a national team can use the training facilities any time. We pitched up at 07.00 hrs and were refused entry because it was adults only. We had a right carry on with the jobsworths. I had to print out the rules and take them with me. So petty.
I hope you get it sorted out OP.

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 22:00

Thank you so much! I feel like a jobsworth myself, piping up but I just don't get why he hoofed her out. Unless it IS insurance

OP posts:
YouHaventDoneAnyWork · 16/05/2022 22:02

That’s sad. Sometimes I wonder if people can’t just use a bit more common sense. Rules is rules is clearly having a negative impact in this case and the risk is minuscule.

Good luck to your daughter and good on her for being diligent with her revision. 👏

godmum56 · 16/05/2022 22:11

you might check their website and see if the library rules are on there?

Concestor · 16/05/2022 22:12

Isn't it wonderful that she's just had her birthday and is now 16? Happy days! No she doesn't have ID, but a quick call to mum will confirm it...

Blarting · 16/05/2022 22:14

Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 21:50

They close at 10pm - it's a Gateway Centre too. I'd not want her in there that late, though.
It's just finding the best way to persuade them as it means so much to her. I'm inwardly fuming tonight of course. I was going to pop in during the day tomorrow perhaps. When I'm calm 😉

Good idea, go in tomorrow all calm, but firm!!

FFS, if she was causing issues then fine, but why when she quietly revising just not leave her be.

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 22:17

Thanks I already did and can't see anything relating to that.

What bothers me more is that she's quite shy and says she'll manage on the reduced hours and do a bit on the dining table when my 11 year old goes to bed at 9pm. I've gone all sad and angry again!

OP posts:
YouHaventDoneAnyWork · 16/05/2022 22:19

I’d be fuming if I was you. Not saying that’s a good response but I’d be googling the crap out of that and calling them tomorrow to confirm
policy and why. Poor thing will be exhausted if she has to stay up too late.

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 16/05/2022 22:19

Concestor · 16/05/2022 22:12

Isn't it wonderful that she's just had her birthday and is now 16? Happy days! No she doesn't have ID, but a quick call to mum will confirm it...

Oh my days...that's genius! Sadly she's too shy to carry it off. But I love it all the same

OP posts:
SpaceJamtart · 16/05/2022 22:21

Its an annoying rule if it is a real one, but just get her to say shes had her birthday, they aren't going to ID her and anyway as she is young it is possible she wouldnt own any ID anyway, in which case you can confirm to them that she is now 16

horseymum · 16/05/2022 22:23

I bet they are just making it up. I had a classical concert venue say DC 14 couldn't go without an adult because insurance/ they might make a noise/ child protection/ all from different staff. I don't believe there was an actual rule. Thankfully it turned out one of their friends was 17 so counted as the responsible adult. You can go to cinemas from age 12. Just calmly ask to see the policy. If it's behaviour , they have a right to chuck anyone out so that's not an issue, if it's insurance, ask to see the policy, if it's child protection, ask to see their vulnerable adult policy, I bet there are loads of vulnerable adults in a library every day and they aren't asked to leave. Hope she gets to study undisturbed by Jobsworths.

Summerfun54321 · 16/05/2022 22:31

Go with her, ask to speak to the manager and tell the manager what’s happened and that she’s 16 and will be staying later. Show your daughter it’s not ok to be disadvantaged by stupid rules when she’s got such good intentions. I almost wonder if the person said it just to get a kick out of intimidating her and upsetting her, it might not be a rule at all.

Onwards22 · 16/05/2022 22:33

Luckily we live a 10 minute drive, but she was tearfully stood outside alone in the car park when I arrived.

I’m not sure why she’d be crying about having to wait outside for 10mins.

Unfortunately rules are rules.

I personally would go back in a couple of days and say I’m 16 now but I understand why she doesn’t want to do that.

Is there any way she can go earlier?
Like straight after school and then come home earlier.
Or go between 6-7pm

QuitMoaning · 16/05/2022 22:35

It won’t be because of insurance. An age restriction is just not a thing for these type of buildings.

it might be policy as a safeguarding issue but it won’t be insurance

NrlySp · 16/05/2022 22:42

This is a good opportunity to teach your shy lovely dd about resilience and pushing back.
Even if they can provide written proof of the rules you can demonstrate to her that’s it ok to question something from authority and ask for evidence.

Bagadverts · 16/05/2022 22:42

Ask to see the policy and the reasoning. Then speak to a councillor. Depending on what level this is decided it might be possible to change quickly (it’s worth a try though as pp says it might take longer.) Would someone at the school talk to the library/Education department at the council as may affect others?

MsFogi · 16/05/2022 22:48

I'd tell her that if they ask tomorrow she should say she is 16 (how luck it is her 'birthday' tomorrow!).

NC10012 · 16/05/2022 22:48

That's so bizarre. I've never heard anything like this. I'd definitely have a word with them. Why are they suddenly saying this now when she's been going there for a while?
Maybe that particular member of staff was just on one. But if she's just doing her work, I really can't see the harm! Bless her.