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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this mum a cf!

83 replies

Av0bo55 · 16/05/2022 15:57

I’m just wondering what people think about this if it’s odd or normal?
my dd in reception has had quite a lot of play dates and has had one girl around three times now (among many others)
the the girls mum, has never reciprocated any play dates, despite doing many others. In fact, I saw her with three last week ( not childcare related )
may dd said today that she’d asked her friend if she can go one night and the girls said she asked her mum and mums said back to her that “no she can’t come over”
odd? My dd has never been , so can’t be behaviour related and teachers say she’s polite and friendly and well behaved at school. I had only good things to say about her dd at pick up time and how well they had played and they seemed to have a really great time, so I cannot think of anything , that would cause an issue.
bit confused about it really?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 17/05/2022 15:43

She does do play dates! For others!!

She's excluding your child because she wants her DD to be friends with the others, or wants to be part of a social circle consisting of the parents of the others.

Steer clear of women like this.

HiJenny35 · 17/05/2022 16:01

She doesn't even work... So, doesn't mean she should look after your child. You asked to have her child round, your choice, she never asked you to have her. No reason for her to offer back. If you don't like it don't offer again. I hate having other people's kids round, I love having my kids home to do things as a family, them going to other people's is a pain, it messes up our routine and means I have to leave the house again to go and collect and then change meals times etc. Why do people think its a 'favour' to have your child. Most the time I make excuses, when I can't think up an excuse I let them go. Don't offer if you expect paying back.

HiJenny35 · 17/05/2022 16:04

I'll do playdates for a couple of kids who I know really well and have known for years, doesn't mean I want others round.

mathanxiety · 17/05/2022 16:26

How are you going to manage when your children are teens, @HiJenny35?

What if your children's friendship groups change?

And why would you be doing the picking up if your child was invited somewhere? Imo, it's an imposition to require a parent to come and pick up their child if you are the one who invited them over.

Walkingalot · 17/05/2022 16:35

I think if you're going to accept play dates for your child then you should be prepared to reciprocate. I think it's CF behaviour if not. You wouldn't let your own friendships be so one sided would you.

Thereisnolight · 17/05/2022 17:03

HiJenny35 · 17/05/2022 16:04

I'll do playdates for a couple of kids who I know really well and have known for years, doesn't mean I want others round.

What about what your children want? Or do you choose their friends for them? Ugh.

Hollygolightly86 · 18/05/2022 01:03

Thereisnolight · 17/05/2022 17:03

What about what your children want? Or do you choose their friends for them? Ugh.

Show quote history

I agree with HiJenny35
Not having kids to mine randomly

ladyapinks · 20/05/2022 08:22

Whatthebarnacles · 16/05/2022 19:53

Personally, I read this as you being the cf. Don't offer playdates if you expect reciprocation. That's not fair on the little girl because her mum would have to decline them all. Its also not fair to put pressure on other parents either.

My ds (13) never had anyone round here. Still doesn't. That's because he has a younger brother who is non verbal autistic. I, thankfully, have never had to explain myself to other mums. That's better than them all thinking/calling me a cf behind my back, that's for sure.

Second example. My friends never ever came to my house when I was a kid. We were in an overcrowded house with no heating or carpet. Again, thank god my mum was never queried. I had a great childhood and the fact that our home was less than other people's didn't affect anything.

Two children becoming friends should not be built upon parental transactions or forced reciprocation.

We have this too .I have 6 year old twins and I always feel bad but their 8 year old brother is non verbal .
Now I know I am not alone .I allow other friends that know us very well but none from their school as i don't know how it would go .

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