Is this mum a cf!

[Av0bo55]

I’m just wondering what people think about this if it’s odd or normal?
my dd in reception has had quite a lot of play dates and has had one girl around three times now (among many others)
the the girls mum, has never reciprocated any play dates, despite doing many others. In fact, I saw her with three last week ( not childcare related )
may dd said today that she’d asked her friend if she can go one night and the girls said she asked her mum and mums said back to her that “no she can’t come over”
odd? My dd has never been , so can’t be behaviour related and teachers say she’s polite and friendly and well behaved at school. I had only good things to say about her dd at pick up time and how well they had played and they seemed to have a really great time, so I cannot think of anything , that would cause an issue.
bit confused about it really?

It's nothing to do with the mum being cheeky, more than likely your child isn't her child's preferred friend. It happens often

Nothing CF about OP

Are you even reading same thread as rest of us or read OPs first post?!

Many many years ago I had a friend who would come for playdates in my house but I never went to hers.

Many years later at a school reunion she told me that her Dad was abusive and her Mom was not allowed to ask me back. Please keep asking that child.

Personally, I read this as you being the cf. Don't offer playdates if you expect reciprocation. That's not fair on the little girl because her mum would have to decline them all. Its also not fair to put pressure on other parents either.

My ds (13) never had anyone round here. Still doesn't. That's because he has a younger brother who is non verbal autistic. I, thankfully, have never had to explain myself to other mums. That's better than them all thinking/calling me a cf behind my back, that's for sure.

Second example. My friends never ever came to my house when I was a kid. We were in an overcrowded house with no heating or carpet. Again, thank god my mum was never queried. I had a great childhood and the fact that our home was less than other people's didn't affect anything.

Two children becoming friends should not be built upon parental transactions or forced reciprocation.

If you read OP first post this mum has OTHER CHILDREN over for play dates

I don't know it is so difficult for people to actually read OPs first post!!!

No one is saying OP is a Cf it's the other mum that is presenting as a CF. Only one weird poster so far saying OP herself must be a CF..,

*No one is saying OP is a Cf it's the other mum that is presenting as a CF. Only one weird poster so far saying OP is a CF.. which is bizarre (and not barnacle saying that either )

This part of my post was in reply to @Whatthebarnacles

I had this. Mum even allowed new children round to play but never invited mine. Never invited DD to a birthday party even though our DDs were very good friends in school.
she was one of those mums who tried to push her daughter into having friendships with certain girls. There was one from outside of school (who I also knew) and she really really pushed for the girls to be BFFs. It didn’t work though.
I was glad when primary came to an end and they went to different secondaries.

I realise the mum had an issue with us for some reason, I suspect she had us down as a bit posh or something.
The funny thing is the last time I ran into the mum she was saying what a pity the girls weren’t friends anymore. Her DD has had issues with friendship groups in secondary and has been pushed out and lots of drama.

That’s all really sad! And such a shame!

I have always felt huge anxiety when having people round. I feel the house needs to be in show home condition and it can take me days to prepare for someone to come for coffee. When my children were young there was a lot of pressure to do play dates. To me it was far less stressful to meet up out of the house. It really took the pressure off me. Nobody really knew what was going on behind my closed doors.

In which case I stand corrected.

I had to read this bit 3 times over for it to make sense.

"has never reciprocated any play dates, despite doing many others."

I read it as OP doing several (many others). It's not worded very well for me to follow.

So I respectfully hold my hands up and take it back about OP being a CF in this instance. My general opinion of playdates doesn't change though. * *

I take offence to being called weird though 🤣 FFS

please don’t make assumptions. She might have a number of reasons why she doesn’t host play dates . We never really know what goes on behind closed doors.
the child shouldn’t be ostracised either, going to other friends homes may be an escape from an unhappy home life (my former classmate would never ask any of us home - social services took them to live miles away years later with a foster carer as her father was sexually abusing her and her siblings) 😢

She does do play dates! For others!!

If you read OP first post this mum has OTHER CHILDREN over for play dates

And so what? That automatically means she can have ANY OTHER CHILDREN over in her home?

It might not seem fair. But life’s not fair. This woman does not owe the OP any explanation.

If this upsets the OP that much, then they should ask this woman straight up if she has a problem with them or their child.

This is the situation with one of DD's (6) friends and I wonder if you might be experiencing something similar...

I like the parents. So when they offered to have DD for a playdate to accommodate a late meeting I had, I accepted.

This happened twice (in about a year).

I hosted their parents and their DD for dinner at ours.

I sometimes suggest their DD comes to ours for a playdate...

But... And here's the kicker, my DD doesn't particularly like their DD. DD's polite and kind to her, but she has other friends she would rather spend time with.

It sounds like it was the mum saying no to having her over, rather than the child. Unless the child was lying to get out of having op's child over. But then why would she keep agreeing to go to OP's house if she didn't want to play with her?

When my DS was in primary school he was in a group of about six or seven friends . We often invited them to play ( not all at once). One of the mums frequently invited other children over but never my son even though I heard her son actually ask her to several times. When we invited her son she was clearly reluctant to accept although he went to other friends homes. When it was her child’s 5th birthday she invited all the friendship group except my DS. He was really upset and so was I although I didn’t show it. I never found out why. Her son would accept and come to my DS’s parties. My DS was popular and many of the parents who had him to play told me how well behaved and polite he was. Don’t know why but she’d clearly taken against him or me. When they moved on to the same secondary school and I used to bump into her at school events she would greet me as if we were great pals. All I can think is there’s some funny folk about.

This! I hated when people asked me when I was younger and I felt so uncomfortable saying no.

Yanbu and it's hilarious how there are so many excuses made on this thread for her. If she is having other children over except yours, then she has a problem with you or dd.

It's a bit odd. I would reciprocate in her position. Though I have to admit I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's reception age child so would probably have invited the mum around too! Most YR playdates are accompanied here.

I wouldn't stop the playdates altogether but would encourage your DD to spend time with and invite other friends. It may be that the mum has some issue with you/the friendship, in which case best to develop your DD's other friendships. It may be some unexplained issue or problem at home so I definitely wouldn't stop inviting the other child altogether, if she's well-behaved and your DD enjoys her company.

My son is in Year 2 and no one has ever reciprocated. I think it’s rude and thoughtless. The other day he was asking me why he doesn’t get invited to his friends houses. It’s heartbreaking but there’s not much you can do. Just keep having kids over for the sake of your DD. Once they get a bit older they start arranging their own stuff anyway.

Forgot to add my son never gets invited, despite other parents having my son’s friends over for play dates. All I can think of is that I’m not really part of that mum “clique”. They all go on holidays together, live in each other’s pockets etc so I guess it’s only natural all their kids hang out together.

This.

Maybe the mum doesn't particularly like other peoples kids?

She's being quite rude in not reciprocating. Sorry. Heaven only knows why. There's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes people are just weird like that.