Wearing white to a wedding

[Hiimblahblah]

Went to a friends wedding yesterday, and one of the guests was there in a white dress. I've never seen this before and was a bit baffled by it! I thought this was a big no-no?

I'm quite shocked at how many people think this is ok!

It's still considered bad form by my family and friends.

There's a whole rainbow of colours out there so surely anyone can find an alternative outfit other than plain white/ivory?!

Why would you want to wear the colour traditionally reserved for the bride? (Unless you have discussed with her first and she's fine - I have been to a wedding where all guests were asked to wear black and white and the bride wore red)

Attention seeking and rude.

I don't know anyone in rl who would think this okay tbh.

I have been to a lot of weddings - too many! Not once did anyone comment or care what the wedding guests were wearing, not even the bride. There are not many things that I think ‘only happen of mumsnet’, but this is one! Makes me feel a bit sad that other women are still judging other women on what they wear. It’s always bloody obvious who the bride is.

Makes me feel a bit sad that other women are still judging other women on what they wear

I would judge a man if he showed up to a wedding dressed inappropriately!

One of my friends wore the outfit she got married in, on the photos she looks like a back up bride. Really poor form to wear white. Really no need

Well yes, I’d probably raise my eyebrows if guests came along in a thong and feather boa, but wearing a suit, or a white dress (that is obviously not bridal), is not really inappropriate. But can honestly say I have never experienced this, although seems very common in here. I’ve seen people in cream shift dresses and they looked in no way bridal. There’s obviously a small group of people wearing a wedding dress to wedding, that just seem to do the rounds at mumsnet weddings!

There are so many arbitrary wedding guest rules that I’ve only seen on MN.

On here thou shalt not wear black, red or white to a wedding. But in RL I don’t think anyone cares much. As long as the white doesn’t look like a wedding dress, it’s fine.

@Qwill

I know someone who wore a cream shift dress as a bride. Was a nice wedding. My point is literally any white dress can be bridal, and you don’t know what the bride is going for. It’s easier to avoid.

I would judge a man attending a wedding in shorts that wasn’t at a beach, or jeans etc/trainers because it shows a level
of disrespect/lack of effort.

At our daughters wedding a cousin wore a white strapless dress, she was 22 and looked lovely, our daughter had no issue with it. However, when her MIL said she was going to wear cream our son in law had a word as our daughter was not impressed, she changed it to light grey, so all was well. My own mother wore cream to my wedding, I wasn’t happy but she wouldn’t change it!

@Dizza25

what was your mother’s reason for wearing cream when you asked her not to?

Giraffesandbottoms she said she wasn’t willing to spend any more money on another dress, they had plenty of money. Not the most maternal mother, she wanted me to buy the cheapest wedding dress I found and had a face like she was sucking a lemon throughout the whole day! We had scrimped to pay for our half of the wedding and had no money for a honeymoon whereas they jetted off on holiday 2 days after the wedding! I think my parents thought it wouldn’t last and DH wasn’t good enough for me, but here we are 39 years later( anniversary last Saturday)

Maybe think about the difference between ‘appropriate’ male wear to weddings and what is deemed appropriate for women — why do you suppose male guests typically show up in pretty much identical suits/kilts etc to the bridegroom, and no one is gasping and bosom-hoiking about ‘bad form’, ‘attention-seeking’, ‘bad manners’, ‘upstaging the groom on his wedding day’ etc? Why is it not a problem for the groom to be surrounded by similarly-dressed guests, to the point where he’s visually indistinguishable from them, whereas it’s the ultimate bad form for the bride to be ‘upstaged’, or for it not to be immediately obvious which she is in a crowd photo?

There are all kinds of rules that probably don't make sense any more, some of which have faded away. But personally, not wearing white or black to a wedding is not one I'm comfortable ditching. I accept that a lot of people don't subscribe to it anymore, but I wouldn't do it under any circumstances. I suspect that DD or any DGC I have will be rolling their eyes at me in 30 years!

Another old fashioned one that my mother subscribed to was not to buy baby gifts before the baby was born - she was very very conflicted about baby showers. It was considered bad luck / tempting fate.

I have attended a number of funerals recently and in every case, while guests were told there was no need for total black etc, people still chose to wear sombre colours as an old fashioned sign of respect.

It's really not a problem, except on here.

It’s such bad form, why would you do it?

Personally wouldn't wear white to a wedding.

I really think it's a strange thing to be bothered about.

The main argument against it seems to be that someone wearing a white dress might be confused with the bride. But surely it will be entirely obvious who the bride is. She'll be the most elaborately dressed, whatever she's wearing, not to mention that usually everyone there will know her anyway.

My SIL wore white to my wedding and looked lovely. She didn't look like me, and everyone knew she wasn't the bride - because everyone there knew me and knew it was my wedding. Obviously!

Even if there are a couple of people who haven't met the bride, they will immediately know who she is when she arrives/ walks down the aisle.

I've always thought the main reason for buttonholes etc was to differentiate the male members of the bridal party. And usually the groom himself will have a slightly different version. Most of the weddings I've attended, even if the groomsmen are wearing similar to the groom, there will be something different - eg he'll wear a solid tie and theirs will be striped or whatever. Or a waistcoat or similar.

I absolutely do and have judged men who turn up dressed inappropriately. For all that I think wearing white as a woman is poor manners, I tend to assume women who do so either aren't aware of that particular rule or have actively chosen to decide it's pointless. But men who turn up wearing chinos at a smart wedding make me cross. Dress codes may be old fashioned but they are there and there are events at which is is just polite to accept them.

It's rude, disrespectful and attention seeking and you don't see a problem with that? Why risk upsetting the bride/bridal party
You are a guest and should dress appropriately

It seems to have been a recent made up rule. Both MIL and my DM (married in the 30s and 40s) said several guests wore white to their weddings. It really wasn't an issue then.

It isn't now to most people.

About 12 years ago we went to a friends wedding and another guest wore a long very very pale maybe oyster shade dress. It was completely different from the bride who had the big princess number but was in a public space (town hall) and a member of the public actually asked if it was a double wedding….

so although it was so different to the bride and it was obvious to all of us who the bride was the guest still looked bridal and it was just a bit odd!!!

What?!Why on earth did she ask to wear her wedding dress. That is so odd

What a weirdly sweeping statement from a place of your own limited experience.

Every wedding I’ve ever been to, this would have been a problem. Except my own. I went to one wedding where the bride specifically told female guests not to wear white, cream, ivory or nude colours.

MN is bizarre about this. Noone I know in real life would ever think wearing white is ok to a wedding. I know people try to be terribly cool wife/bride blah blah about this but most people in real life know damn well it's attention seeking and immature.

There is a wide variety of other colours to wear and the people who witter how terribly enlightened they are are just attempting to be edgy and chilled. There is just no need. It's one day, you can choose from a variety of colours and no matter what you say or who you (unless you are the bride) are if you insist on choosing white everyone thinks you are an obnoxious twat. Even if they don't tell you.

Generally you get lumped in with those who claim "I'm just mad me" or claim to be enlightened and not susceptible to rules when in fact t everyone laughs at them behind their back.

It's rude, disrespectful and attention seeking and you don't see a problem with that?

You're quite right here, on sober and mature reflection, I can see a problem with being rude, disrespectful and attention-seeking. (But this really isn't any of those things.)

Maybe the white embargo is a geographical thing? Maybe it's an age thing? (Maybe it's a bonkers thing )