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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wearing white to a wedding

117 replies

Hiimblahblah · 15/05/2022 21:30

Went to a friends wedding yesterday, and one of the guests was there in a white dress. I've never seen this before and was a bit baffled by it! I thought this was a big no-no?

OP posts:
Motheranddaughtertotwo · 15/05/2022 23:33

I think it’s bad form too. I’d never wear white to someone’s wedding. A cousins plus one/ partner-who-we’d-never-met wore white to my wedding and I wasn’t impressed. I didn’t say anything to her but I found it rude, nothing to do with being upstaged either- not everyone who gets married loves being the centre of attention.

MummyGummy · 15/05/2022 23:57

It’s attention grabbing. Just choose another colour & show some respect.

WeasilyPleased · 16/05/2022 01:10

Tbh I think a plain white dress looks a bit sad on a wedding guest. Like you're trying to grab attention. I don't think it's anything to do with people confusing you with the bride. They'd have to be idiots.

SpeedofaSloth · 16/05/2022 01:29

It's poor form, yes.

SaggyBlinders · 16/05/2022 01:31

StoneofDestiny · 15/05/2022 22:20

Two examples

But the women in white dresses in those photos are the bride, and the bridesmaids. The bride will have chosen all the dresses and colours.

Bad manners to wear white to a wedding if you are a guest choosing your own outfit. I tend to try to find out what colour the bridesmaids will be wearing too so I can avoid it. Been to a couple of weddings where a guest has worn a similar style and colour dress to the bridesmaids, or even the exact same dress. A lot of people buy their bridesmaids dresses from ASOS etc now so it can easily be done.

Also went to a wedding a few years ago where one of the guests got changed into a white lace dress for the wedding breakfast, was very odd.

NumberTheory · 16/05/2022 01:46

It’s something I'd avoid, but I do think it’s an utterly crap “rule” that has taken the reasonable “don’t upstage the bride” idea too far.

motogirl · 16/05/2022 02:00

It's become more common. Personally I wouldn't wear plain white but a short (no more than knee length fitted dress is probably ok whereas a flowing longer dress is a definite no

habibihabibi · 16/05/2022 03:42

Weird that the female guests can't wear white on account of the bride but the male guest wear morning suits, lounge suits, kilts etc like the groom.

NorthernLights5 · 16/05/2022 04:52

Apparently back in the day bridesmaids used to wear white/the same dress as the bride so the devil didn't know who to choose?

IglesiasPiggl · 16/05/2022 05:42

I have never understood the MN obsession with colours of wedding wear. I don't know anyone in real life who gives this a second thought. It's essentially impossible to upstage a bride on her wedding day anyway.

roadsweep · 16/05/2022 06:35

LakieLady · 15/05/2022 21:53

I'm with @loobylou10 on this: it's bad form.

Yep definitely bad form. My mil wore black to my wedding. Admittedly it had gold flowers on it, but essentially it was a black dress. Looks shite in photos

Fairyliz · 16/05/2022 06:48

The thing is there aren’t actually that many white dresses around compared to other colours. Eg a quick look at my M and S app shows 42 white dresses compared to 203 blue dresses.
Given that lots of them are beachy sundresses that looks like people are wearing white to make a point.

Mamapep · 16/05/2022 06:48

I wore black to a English wedding once - it’s not unusual where I’m from. A very posh woman gave me a bit judgemental look and a comment about appropriate dress

Mamapep · 16/05/2022 06:54

(My point is, there’s too many rules around women’s clothes as it is and it all seems dated. If a guest is wearing a long white dress I might raise an eyebrow, but just wearing the colour white.. I wouldn't give it a second thought.)

thewhatsit · 16/05/2022 06:57

Maybe she’d asked the bride before and the bride was fine with it? How do we know she committed some unspeakable faux pas?

Or maybe the bride wasn’t asked before, would have preferred a different colour but doesn’t really care because she very much likes the person she invited to her wedding??

I’m so glad I was not that kind of bride at my (tiny, through choice!) wedding. Some of our guests were quite dressed up and some were in jeans and trainers.

ComDummings · 16/05/2022 07:02

It’s rude

Tszoralto · 16/05/2022 08:28

I see nothing wrong with it nor would I have cared at my wedding. There's heaps of beautiful white or cream dresses that look nothing like a wedding dress. But I wouldn't wear one given some bride's are petty about it. I found this beautiful off cream one I'd loved to have worn to my best friends wedding and didn't buy it but showed her and she said not to. I actually didn't realise it was a thing until then.

Bit pathetic really but I wouldn't do it now I know because never know which of even the nicest people will turn into bridezilla for the day over a dress like suddenly they won't be the centre of attention anymore because a guest has white on. Or their husband might confuse you for their new wife.. No idea why it matters but clearly there has to be some self centred reason.

Tszoralto · 16/05/2022 08:32

It’s rude

Expand on that? Genuinely curious why it matters. Will you be any less on the day because someone else wore a completely different dress to you of the same colour? Maybe people need to get over themselves with all these pethetic "rules"... It's 2022 where you can be anyone you want, anything you want.. Identify as whatever you feel but wear white to a wedding and suddenly we're going to say that's the bit that's not on? Weird world indeed.

SaltandPepper22 · 16/05/2022 08:57

StoneofDestiny · 15/05/2022 22:20

Two examples

They were bridesmaids not guests and white is actually the traditional bridesmaid colour. The idea was to make it harder for the devil to know who the bride was and curse the marriage. It is why bridesmaids tend to wear the same outfit now, as an extension of this tradition.

Herejustforthisone · 16/05/2022 09:13

I’m always surprised by how many people don’t know about this ‘guideline’.

I had someone wear a full on white maxi dress to my wedding. I didn’t care particularly, our wedding was very chilled, but it was quite…bridal. She was pretty young though so I just put it down to that.

AndAsIfByMagic · 16/05/2022 09:19

If you go to an upmarket store and ask for advice on wedding outfits there are always white, cream or ivory ones recommended. it depends on the accessories - they make it obviously not bridal.

I don't see a problem with it - or with a print that is basically white. Most people can work out who the bride is. Maybe it's a class thing?

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/05/2022 09:21

People saying “if it doesn’t look like a wedding dress it’s fine” - how on earth do you know what the bride is going to be dressed like? Wedding dresses these days aren’t always large white numbers with tulle and lace and a veil. What if the bride is wearing no veil and a slim fitting satin dress? A white jumpsuit etc?

it is disrespectful and Unnecessary. Pick another colour, there are many of them!

10HailMarys · 16/05/2022 09:21

StoneofDestiny · 15/05/2022 22:20

Two examples

They're bridesmaids, though, so it was the bride's choice to put them in white so they stand out as part of the wedding party itself. It's not the same as a guest wearing white.

I personally wouldn't ever wear white to a wedding. Even if the bride's fine with it, you know that loads of other guests will be aware it's traditionally poor etiquette, and you also have literally every other colour in the world at your disposal, so there's really no need to wear the one colour you know might bother people.

Traumdeuter · 16/05/2022 09:25

Willowowisp · 15/05/2022 22:05

Thinking of Sarah in Derry Girls

Yes! White is fine, a long white dress and dramatically walking down the aisle is less fine

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/05/2022 09:29

@Overtheanvil

That would really annoy me too!