Comments about red hair

[37anddone]

I have been getting a lot of comments about the ‘risk’ of my child having red hair (I’m currently pregnant).

The suggestion seems to be this would be a negative outcome, and something I need to brace myself for.

I personally think ridiculing my child’s appearance before they have actually been born is a bit much.

AIBU to tell them precisely what I think about their comments, irrespective of the fallout that may cause.

Gosh. There is red hair in my family and we are so proud of it! My grandad was bullied as a child in the 30s, but since then it has attracted nothing but compliments. Sadly I don’t have it, and am insanely jealous of my sister and nephew’s gorgeous red curls.

OMG - that's truely dreadful

I have two red haired girls. And I would say that we can’t go a day without someone stopping to compliment them on the colour of their hair. I’ve never heard a negative comment and my eldest is 4.

i also have red hair. At school people did try to make negative jokes about it, but by that point I’d had so many compliments that I simply believed they were wrong/jealous or didn’t care because I was proud of it. So the insults didn’t work.

Perhaps it would help to find a way to be proud and act like you don’t care, at least. That tends to deflate bullies who are just looking for a difference to pick at.

Maybe the correct response is “ooh I hope so!” Sometimes I don’t think people really think or mean what they say but are going along with an old joke to have something to say that they think sounds funny. If you call them out on it by being enthusiastic about the possibility it might help them shift their viewpoint.

My dd gets nothing but compliments. Daily. Never had anything negative ever.

I'm convinced negative comments must stem from jealously however it's a form of racism and should not be tolerated

It's such a weird thing, this obsession with red hair in this country! My dp has beautiful red hair and he said he got badly bullied for it in school.

Red hair doesn't make you more or less attractive , your features do that, but it is more striking imo.

One of my children's friends is a redhead and both his parents and sister are red headed. His mum said that there had been quite a few rude comments about her kids hair from the older generation. Afaik her kids haven't been picked on by other kids so hopefully it is no longer a thing.

I have a niece with beautiful hair but to me it's ginger blond maybe a strawberry blond. Not red at all but I've offended the mum so much suggesting her daughter isn't just blond. Her other daughter is white blonde, they are both beautiful hair colour but we aren't allowed to mention the slightly ginger colour,

My son, now an adult, has red hair. He's always loved it regardless of the comments and teasing and I copped so so many comments from people about how red it was. It's not an uncommon colour. I never understood and still don't why people go on about it so much. Almost like I need to say look how brown yours is.. Like it matters.
I even had one ex friend tell me that my kid with brown hair was much better looking since he didn't have red hair like the other..!!??? Bizarre. That was from someone who's child has a pretty significant physical attribute that would need correcting in his teens but I never even commented on it or said a thing. Why do people find the need to say anything at all.

@Tszoralto I do think girls are getting more improved attitudes to ginger hair than boys. Not always but obviously but young boys with ginger hair have a long way to go to gain equality

My red haired teenage boy is very feisty and won't put up with shit about his hair colour.

Agree with other posters that people single out red hair in a way they wouldn't about physical disabilities or eye colour or skin colour. If you heard someone being mean about someone's skin colour, or being abusive towards someone in a wheelchair we would all rightly be horrified. But it's OK to abuse someone because of their hair colour?

It IS racism. Because many people equate red hair with being stereotypically Scottish/Irish. And to the Katie Hopkins and hard of thinking of this world, that's a negative.

It reminds me of the ‘dumb blonde’ (always female blondes eh?) jokes that you don’t hear so much these days (mum was a natural blonde). So rude - but so may dye their hair blonde.

and yes - can you imagine someone saying to a pregnant woman ‘if my kid was born with X ailment (or remember the prince Harrys baby skin colour comments) I’d drown it’ ??? My god! But red haired people seem to be fair game.

Maybe it’s an anti-Celt thing?

The girl thing is double edged.
I have been told it beautiful alot and there are def men with a red hair preference.
However, the amount of times there have been inappropriate comments about it meaning a woman is fiesty in bed/passionate means girls also have the sexualisation to put up with too.

Ditto it meaning you have a bad temper. In circumstances where you are sticking up for yourself in a totally normal way people will make jokes about red heads fierce tempers etc.

I think red hair is beautiful, always have.

I don't know why it's okay to call redheads names. Should be made a hate crime like skin hate crimes. It is hypocrisy not to. Both still a bunch of cells.

I have red hair and my approach nowadays is to pretend to be confused and/or ask people to explain any anti-red hair 'jokes'. In my younger days I would just have kept quiet.

In my younger days I was not bullied about my hair but was frequently on the receiving end of comments- as pp mentioned, often sexualised (eg. men asking me as a young teen whether I was 'collar and cuffs')

As I have got older, there very rarely comments made to me about red hair but I often overhear them. One of the worst was at a mum and baby group when someone who was pregnant with her 2nd as asked whether they wanted a boy of a girl and she replied 'I don't care as long as it's not a ginger' and other mums agreed. Which would have been unacceptable anyway but especially in a room with 3 redheads, one of them a beautiful 3 month old.

I did hear comments about people not wanting a ginger baby when dd2 was little. One mum on the school run told me twice that another mum didn't want a ginger baby, despite knowing I had a dd with red hair. Another mum in the park who I didn't know spotted dd then started to backtrack about a girl red head would be nice. People who make bigoted comments (about anything) don't tend to be the brightest.
As mentioned dd2 now 15 has never had any issues at school, which is why I think young people are more tolerant (where we are)

I have a red haired DD. It isn’t bright red, more of an auburn tone but we all have dark hair so she stands out. I love her hair personally, I think it’s completely beautiful and she’s only ever received compliments. You should shut the negativity down now before your child is born.

I have ginger hair and have always had mostly positive comments about it…

Until I got pregnant and my SIL asked if I was worried they were going to be ginger. I just stared at her for a second before saying that, since I have ginger hair and choose not to dye it because I really like it, what did she think?

I can’t wait until she gets pregnant so I can ask if she’s worried about having a child with mousey brown hair and them having to spend a fortune on hair dye like her 😁 (joking but I would really like to say this).

I was a redhead when I was a child (now more reddy brown). I used to get compliments from adults, and teasing from kids - baked bean head / carrot top / duracell / ginger nut etc.,... Come up with something original, why don't you?!
I always liked my hair colour though and have never dyed it. Now I wish it were more red, so if I did ever colour it, it would be to make it redder!

There's definitely still some..stigma...out there to having red hair - I've heard a couple of people express concern that they might have ginger children.

My DD has beautiful red hair and can confirm ginger bullying is still very much a thing - makes me very cross 😡

@DisforDarkChocolate did you have any children with ex and did they have red hair? I say this because in order to have children with red hair you both have to have the red hair gene 🧬 so if she tried to “blame” you she needs to look at her own family lineage! Stupid woman.

Ds2 was bullied at school because of his ginger hair. They were Catholic schools as well.

Haha - do it!

Ican’t wait until she gets pregnant so I can ask if she’s worried about having a child with mousey brown hair and them having to spend a fortune on hair dye like her

oh please please do this!

i have the ginger gene but none of mine were, all my cousins kids were instead. We just got the freckles instead. Which is mad as people are having them tattooed on now…

i always wanted a red one but all mine are lighter haired than me!

I have a ginger boy. A lovely rich titian brown/red. Brown eyes, and he tans. Stunning (imo!!), and his sister would love that colouring. It's the same as my mum's, and she didn't have a strand of grey on her head until her sixties. When she died earlier this year at 81 she still had red in her hair.
But as I said upthread he still had problems at school. Eventually his walloped the main bully. I don't say that because i'm proud, but it did solve the problem. Only time he ever hit anyone. And he's 26 now.
My sister is also red but much fairer - blue eyes and she burns. She AWFUL problems at school in the seventies, and now dyes her hair a very light blonde, which I think is a real shame!

There is nothing more beautiful than red, or even better to my taste, orange hair. The brighter, the better. And paired with blue eyes, it is just mesmerising.
Tell them to get lost! And get a brain cell or two.