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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ghost my sister

76 replies

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:02

My sister accidentally sent me a text intended for someone else where she called me a selfish bitch as I couldn’t go somewhere with her and my niece due to having plans with DH.
I am really upset as she always comes across as someone who wants to help everybody and feel now that I don’t really know her at all.
I have done a lot for her and her kids since she got divorced, now I see she slags me off behind my back because I’ve dared to say I have plans that don’t include her.
I haven’t challenged her yet as I don’t want to talk to her.
She’s been texting me about her birthday and I’ve been blanking her.
(She hasn’t realised she text me in error)

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 15/05/2022 13:05

I'd be more inclined to reply along the lines of "didn't think you'd be bothered including me in your birthday since I'm such a selfish bitch."

Or call her and say she's text you by mistake.

DangerouslyBored · 15/05/2022 13:08

Ah no don’t ghost her. We all say things we don’t mean when we are hurt. Doesn’t make us bad people. Send the text back to her, say something like ‘I don’t think you meant to send this to me’. She will feel terrible, that will be enough. Sisters are really important and life really is too short to fall out over something not really that serious or important.

By the way, my sister really annoys me sometimes and on occasion, has really upset me. I know fundamentally that she adores me and life would be emptier and sadder if we didn’t have a relationship.

Squealier · 15/05/2022 13:10

My sister can be like this and it's amazingly hurtful. I don't ghost her and I wouldn't but I do have better boundaries and refuse to be bullied and manipulated any more. Make sure she knows you saw that text!

Octopup · 15/05/2022 13:13

YABU to ghost. We all do and say shitty things when we are annoyed or upset. I’m sure I’ve thought/called my sister selfish many a time when I was pissed off with her and venting. I still love her though and don’t really mean it, I’d change my mind as soon as I calmed down. Let her know why you’re upset. Give her the opportunity to apologise and make it up to you.

Jedsnewstar · 15/05/2022 13:14

I wouldn’t ghost her. This is what pathetically weak people do. If she has hurt you let her know. If you no longer wish to be part of her life tell her and why. You do not have to see her ever again but don’t cop out and ghost anyone.

HesterShaw1 · 15/05/2022 13:17

Ghosting her? What, like forever? Is that worth it, OP?

Just have it out with her. Tell her a couple of home truths but don't ghost her for heaven's sake.

ILoveYoga · 15/05/2022 13:23

Do send her the test in a screen shot and ask her if she meant to send this to you, that it has really hurt you.

if you feel you need a break from her, then say to her that you need a break to digest what she wrote but right now you’re not planning to attend her birthday as you need some time.

this does need to be addressed as she is your sister. It is certainly reasonable given how hurtful she has been for you to take some time to deal with this rather than a knee jerk emotional reaction.

JazzHandsYeah · 15/05/2022 13:24

No don’t ghost her. But tell her how hurtful a text it was, absolutely have it out with her, then move on.

Snoken · 15/05/2022 13:32

Don't ghost her, it's pointless if she doesn't even know why you are upset. It's not what grow-ups do, and she is your sister. Your blood. Speak to her, tell her how you feel, see what her response is. If you can't forgive her, so be it, but at least give her a chance to explain.

altiara · 15/05/2022 13:33

I wouldn’t ghost her, I’d forward her the message and follow up with I’m too hurt to talk to you right now.

Original poster
Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:34

Thanks. I’m very hurt at the moment, especially as last year, she struggled with money and I gave her £100 to pay a bill, despite her always finding money for fags. For her to say I’m a selfish bitch after everything I’ve done for her and the kids for the last 10 years has really hit a nerve.

OP posts:
lop32 · 15/05/2022 13:35

I agree with resending the text to her, along with something along the lines of "presumably I wasn't the intended recipient of this?"

DangerouslyBored · 15/05/2022 13:38

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:34

Thanks. I’m very hurt at the moment, especially as last year, she struggled with money and I gave her £100 to pay a bill, despite her always finding money for fags. For her to say I’m a selfish bitch after everything I’ve done for her and the kids for the last 10 years has really hit a nerve.

i doubt she really believes you’re selfish. It’s a knee jerk comment.

Original poster
Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:40

DangerouslyBored · 15/05/2022 13:38

i doubt she really believes you’re selfish. It’s a knee jerk comment.

Show quote history

Any time I have plans with my husband and she wants me to do something with her, she sulks.
She ‘jokingly’ says how dare you have plans with your husband but think she might mean it now!

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 15/05/2022 13:41

I wouldn’t ghost her. I’d confront her.

I'd be more inclined to reply along the lines of "didn't think you'd be bothered including me in your birthday since I'm such a selfish bitch."

Perfect.

jackstini · 15/05/2022 13:42

Agree with sending it back to her and seeing how she reacts

Don't leave it - passive aggression helps neither of you; it needs to be faced

It's most likely said in the stress of a moment and not how she feels overall. We've all said things we regret and felt awful; see if you can get past it

Oblomov22 · 15/05/2022 13:42

Don't ever ghost. It's so cowardly and disgusting behaviour. Just send a text : "surprised you're asking, after your last text."

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 13:42

It seems such a silly thing to ghost someone over.

I mean, can you honestly say you've never spoken badly about someone behind their backs - ever?

saraclara · 15/05/2022 13:44

Send the text back to her, say something like ‘I don’t think you meant to send this to me’.

Yes. Don't show any emotion. Just send that.

MrsMingech · 15/05/2022 13:47

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 15/05/2022 13:41

I wouldn’t ghost her. I’d confront her.

I'd be more inclined to reply along the lines of "didn't think you'd be bothered including me in your birthday since I'm such a selfish bitch."

Perfect.

I agree.

This.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 13:47

Ghosting would be pathetic especially since you don’t think she knows that she sent you the text. Forward it to her ‘I take it this wasn’t meant for me’

Original poster
Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:49

Just text her saying: I’m surprised you’re talking to me about your birthday considering I’m such a selfish bitch and would presumably be far too selfish to care…

OP posts:
ThreeRingCircus · 15/05/2022 13:54

I wouldn’t ghost her, I’d forward her the message and follow up with I’m too hurt to talk to you right now.

This is what I would do.

VeryTrying22 · 15/05/2022 14:01

Ghosting her is way ott

just reply telling her you saw the message she sent to a friend calling you a selfish bitch and are a bit upset about it, so not up for talking at the moment.

really not that difficult

Harrysutton · 15/05/2022 14:07

Well that’s going to escalate quickly. Could she have been joking when she called you selfish?