Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ghost my sister

76 replies

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:02

My sister accidentally sent me a text intended for someone else where she called me a selfish bitch as I couldn’t go somewhere with her and my niece due to having plans with DH.
I am really upset as she always comes across as someone who wants to help everybody and feel now that I don’t really know her at all.
I have done a lot for her and her kids since she got divorced, now I see she slags me off behind my back because I’ve dared to say I have plans that don’t include her.
I haven’t challenged her yet as I don’t want to talk to her.
She’s been texting me about her birthday and I’ve been blanking her.
(She hasn’t realised she text me in error)

OP posts:
Happylittlethoughts · 15/05/2022 14:11

Ghost her if you want.

PandaOrLion · 15/05/2022 14:17

She’d know she’d sent you though, as it would show up in the conversation for both of you? Unless someone is using a Nokia 3210?

Joessaysthankyou · 15/05/2022 14:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IncompleteSenten · 15/05/2022 14:24

Sounds like she did mean it to me, given your posts.

When you do a lot for some people, they start to feel owed your time and resources.

Imogensmumma · 15/05/2022 14:37

talk to her or forward the message to her asking for an explanation. If she doesn’t apologise and immediately try and make up for it, then consider low contact, but you need to be a grown up first and discuss the issue.

im sure you’ve said bad/mean things about her to your friends too, I have a sister and we drive each other nuts so know we both would have said things to friends about each other.

MzHz · 15/05/2022 14:40

There’s one thing thinking that someone is selfish

its a whole other story when you actually call someone selfish to another person

calling your own sister a selfish bitch to someone else in writing is really fucking off.

and now she wants you to dance a tune for her birthday? That’s unbelievable

yes definitely confront, they text you sent her is perfect

for those saying ghosting is wrong, or ghosting is pathetic/weak and unacceptable etc etc, it depends on the dynamic

my family are super manipulative and in complete denial about how awful they are. Confronting them won’t work, I tried it, they deny it until they are blue in the face, and gang up. You got no chance, it’s get drawn in for more bs, take whatever they get off on doing to hurt you or just go radio silence

there’s literally no point appealing to them.

MzHz · 15/05/2022 14:40

Whatever response comes back will be very illuminating @Doggymaman

LaBellina · 15/05/2022 14:44

Ghosting will only make things awkward and it’s going to be very difficult to make amends after it. I understand you’re very upset about what happened and rightfully so. But please remember that a lot of us say nasty things about people close to us sometimes without really meaning it and without the intention of ever actually saying it to their faces, often it’s just to blow off some steam. I would follow the advice of pp and send her a message to tell her how hurt you are and leave it to her to open a conversation about what happened.

mcmooberry · 15/05/2022 14:47

She definitely needs to know why you are going cold with her. And she 100% deserves that you do, she sounds highly unpleasant with her choice of insults. And very ungrateful too.

Cherrysoup · 15/05/2022 14:48

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:49

Just text her saying: I’m surprised you’re talking to me about your birthday considering I’m such a selfish bitch and would presumably be far too selfish to care…

I would have been so tempted to do that, but that’s kind of torn it, you’ve burned bridges there, potentially. I would have gone with the ‘I’m very hurt’ option.

Whiskeypowers · 15/05/2022 14:50

The stuff my so called sister writes about me to family makes your sister’s little rant look like Enid Blyton

I haven’t bothered with my sister for a while now as she has gone beyond the pale. Not sure I’d remove myself from her life because of this but I’d have it out with her.

her reaction will probably inform as decision to try and maintain a relationship with her more than the text itself possibly

you have every reason to be hurt though

Onwards22 · 15/05/2022 15:22

This all sounds very childish.

Stop being passive aggressive and ask why she thinks your selfish.

We all vent to people and this is often more exaggerated than we actually feel as it’s just in the moment but she obviously does think you’re a bit selfish so it’s good to have that conversation.

girlmom21 · 15/05/2022 15:23

Onwards22 · 15/05/2022 15:22

This all sounds very childish.

Stop being passive aggressive and ask why she thinks your selfish.

We all vent to people and this is often more exaggerated than we actually feel as it’s just in the moment but she obviously does think you’re a bit selfish so it’s good to have that conversation.

She has asked...

Passportloser · 15/05/2022 15:26

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:49

Just text her saying: I’m surprised you’re talking to me about your birthday considering I’m such a selfish bitch and would presumably be far too selfish to care…

Well done

DonAlfonso · 15/05/2022 15:26

Talking to your sister is the only way through this, otherwise it will fester. It's quite possible she didn't mean it as seriously as you've (quite fairly) taken it and I imagine she will be absolutely mortified. Ghosting her won't make you feel any better.

Testina · 15/05/2022 15:26

Doggymaman · 15/05/2022 13:49

Just text her saying: I’m surprised you’re talking to me about your birthday considering I’m such a selfish bitch and would presumably be far too selfish to care…

Well that was really childish. But a step down from the childishness of ghosting, I suppose.

What a shame, when you’d already had good advice here, that you didn’t take the more mature response of simply pointing out that you’d seen it, and taken it from there.

EinsteinaGogo · 15/05/2022 15:31

Don't all into the trap of responding based on MN suggestions, OP.

Real life is a lot more complex.

Snowraingain · 15/05/2022 15:40

Everyone makes mistakes and says things they don’t mean. Tell her and clear the air.

Onwards22 · 15/05/2022 15:58

She has asked...

No she hasn’t.

She sent an immature reply but nowhere has she said she asked why she said that.

WibblyWobblyJane · 15/05/2022 16:05

She sounds like the selfish one. How dare you have a husband and a life!

mycatisannoying · 15/05/2022 16:08

Do you mean ghost, as in ditch her for good? Shock
This would be a massive overreaction on your part.

LaTangerina · 15/05/2022 16:09

What was her reply when you called her out? 👀

Fran456 · 15/05/2022 16:12

I'd have replied to the first text in the first place and addressed it directly then, but I assume you replied based on your own dynamics and under the surface stuff.

Has she replied yet?

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 15/05/2022 16:15

I can understand why you replied as you did. I would have been incredibly hurt too @Doggymaman. Keep the screenshot of the message she accidentally sent, but just back off and leave it for now. It sounds as though you are both upset with each other and need to cool off. Don't do anything to permanently ruin your relationship with her.

LondonQueen · 15/05/2022 16:34

I'd text her back, didn't think you'd want to invite me since I'm such a selfish bitch and leave it at that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread