To dread my brother's girlfriend being there

[Brie86]

I've got a family BBQ tomorrow, about 10 of us. Brother's (29) girlfriend (27) is quite difficult and now makes me dread all family gatherings. She doesn't engage in any conversation, mostly sits in the corner and spends the entire time looking really bored, yawning, and on her phone. We have all been really friendly, (we're not a rowdy or rough bunch or anything) and encourage her to join conversations, but it's like she just doesn't want to talk to us, it's so odd. She comes across as snooty to be honest. Because I'm the only younger adult woman in the family (I'm 32) the responsibility to try and befriend her and be nice to her falls to me, but I can't be bothered to spend the energy making all the effort anymore, and she kind of makes things feel awkward. I just want to enjoy time with my family.

Also she's obsessive about Instagram and TikTok. She has about 3k followers on Insta and 9k on TikTok and seems to want everything to fit that influencer lifestyle/aesthetic. She regularly pops out, or goes to another room for 30+mins at a time to post photos and videos online. Our parents have a nice house and I've discovered that when she goes to visit/stay there she makes a lot of content and passes it off as her house!

I feel bad, aibu? Any suggestions for improving the situation?

If I was your mum I'd be pretty upset that you hadn't told me

You can ignore her in your parents' home. As you get older, you will realise that you can do whatever you fucking want - just like your brother's GF.

And I speak as an ex polite people pleaser.

If she/your brother picked you up on it, you could just reply: when I have previously tried to chat to you, I didn't get much response so I gave up.

Call a spade a spade. It will stop people treating you this way.

She's probably happy enough to sit on her phone so leave her to it. I find DH's family gatherings hard work even though they are all really pleasant and welcoming.

She'll post exactly the same whether you ignore her or make a huge effort and the reactions to her post are what she cares about so make it easy for yourself.

I've discovered that when she goes to visit/stay there she makes a lot of content and passes it off as her house!

Do you mean she actually says-‘this is my lounge’? Or is she just filming stuff there?

I would have said that it was your brother's responsibility, she's his girlfriend. Be nice by all means, but you don't have to go out of your way to befriend her. There's only so much you can do when someone is like this anyway.

Seriously, if I was your mother I'd be really angry that you hadn't told me.

You should tell your mother. It's not "stirring things up" it's having the decency to tell her that her privacy has been breached.

It would be very much second best to go through your brother and tell him to tell his gf to stop doing it and to delete the pictures, or you WILL tell your mum. But it's better than doing nothing.

I'd just stop babying her tbh. Treat her like an annoying sibling. Tell her to help with the dishes ect... and if she acts like a sour faced cow, I'd bllody well just ask her why her face was tripping her.

I think instead of ignoring her, you can still bring her into the fold but that doesn't mean having to kiss her arse or anything.

Ignore her and enjoy your day with your family. Stop making the effort. Stop making small talk. I used to do this with some friends' girlfriends and it never felt right. Or I used to speak to fill silences, again... always so awkward. I've stopped doing this nowadays and it feels so freeing! If they can't be bothered to make an effort, then we'll sit in silence :)... or in your case tomorrow, she can sit in silence whilst you have fun.

As for the insta/tiktok - just feel a bit sorry for her really. Obsessed with her image by the sounds of it. Sounds like a miserable existence, being a slave to your fake life on social media... eye roll

@Brie86 how did it go yesterday?

I used to be like this, not on phone etc, but keeping out of the way on social events. I was incredibly shy and had no small talk, my OHs family were numerous and gregarious, Im an only child and not used to being with a lot of people. I think people thought I was snobby, but it was pure fear really!

Our parents have a nice house and I've discovered that when she goes to visit/stay there she makes a lot of content and passes it off as her house!

I would gtell tyhe entire family and absolutely knock THAT on the head ; it's intrusive and an appallingly rude abuse of their hospitality.

I know are lot of people are saying she’s just shy or awkward, but honestly, most people who are shy and awkward manage to be quiet without being rude. My cousin’s wife is very shy and quiet, and it’s probably fair to say that when we first met her she barely said a word and she would essentially just stay next to my cousin the whole time. But she didn’t just go off on her own and stare at her phone and looked bored. She listened to the conversation, smiled and laughed at people’s jokes, answered direct questions politely etc. She still made an effort to appear engaged in what was going on. And when people made the effort with her she wouldn’t be unfriendly in response.

Your brother’s girlfriend sounds like a different kettle of fish tbh. And using your parents’ house for Instagram content is bang out of order. I think you need a frank conversation with your brother about that.

So your friend’s business was advertised as a wonderful place to go by someone with loads of followers, I’m sure she was devastated by that. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe she did have a blast. I’m not a chatty person in hairdressers, I have little small talk to engage in and that’s on me, but I love being in that environment and seeing people chat with each other and have a laugh and a joke.

Doesn’t your bro see what a miserable cow she is? What is it that he likes about her?

She’s a prime example of someone who posts ‘fakeness’ on Social Media for people to see and think ‘oh she’s so lucky’ or ‘she must have a fab’ life!
What a croc of shit! How very sad.

I'm going to take a totally different approach with her today

How did it go, OP?
Sounds like you will be happier just letting her do her thing & rest of you do your thing.

Who invited her along?

As it's a family BBQ rather than a friends/guests kind of thing, it's rather weird that she's there at all.

She sounds a bit off and quite cheeky to use your parental house as a stage for her social media without getting an okay on that.

I took some of the advice here and actually it wasn't as bad as usual. I just let her get on with her thing and didn't make any extra effort. There was one moment where we ended up sitting on the sofa together alone and I decided not to make any conversation. She didn't say anything either, so we were sat in silence for a few excruciating minutes... I asked her if she wanted a drink (she said no) and I just walked off. Much less painful than my usual, fruitless attempts to make small talk/show an interest in her life.

Maybe she knows you aren't keen on her? Maybe your brother has bitched about you/the family so she isn't you all?

I would just not give it any more headspace tbh. She might not realise shes being rude yet if shes young. Some of the comments about being mean on her instagram though, what for? She just sounds like she hasnt really clicked with any of you (yet). Often a lot of people who have social media addictions are not as good at socialising in real life. Tbh id start following her on instagram and see if you can start a chat online. Might make her more comfy with you in real life

Has your brother noticed her not saying anything!?