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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread my brother's girlfriend being there

96 replies

Brie86 · 13/05/2022 21:26

I've got a family BBQ tomorrow, about 10 of us. Brother's (29) girlfriend (27) is quite difficult and now makes me dread all family gatherings. She doesn't engage in any conversation, mostly sits in the corner and spends the entire time looking really bored, yawning, and on her phone. We have all been really friendly, (we're not a rowdy or rough bunch or anything) and encourage her to join conversations, but it's like she just doesn't want to talk to us, it's so odd. She comes across as snooty to be honest. Because I'm the only younger adult woman in the family (I'm 32) the responsibility to try and befriend her and be nice to her falls to me, but I can't be bothered to spend the energy making all the effort anymore, and she kind of makes things feel awkward. I just want to enjoy time with my family.

Also she's obsessive about Instagram and TikTok. She has about 3k followers on Insta and 9k on TikTok and seems to want everything to fit that influencer lifestyle/aesthetic. She regularly pops out, or goes to another room for 30+mins at a time to post photos and videos online. Our parents have a nice house and I've discovered that when she goes to visit/stay there she makes a lot of content and passes it off as her house!

I feel bad, aibu? Any suggestions for improving the situation?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 13/05/2022 23:55

I'd be all over her Instagram. Just make comments saying oh I didn't realise you were videoing in mum's living room, that sort of thing.

Original poster
Brie86 · 13/05/2022 23:58

Hurstlandshome · 13/05/2022 23:42

I could be off here and no intention to offend but it sounds like there may be a little jealousy there/or threatened in some way...I don't know, mentioning how many followers she has etc. Like I said, I could be off but it does sound like you're reaching for things to not like about her. Or maybe she's just not your cup of tea.

No, not at all. I dont care for social, I occasionally scroll Insta, never post, and my account is private. I was stalked about 10 years ago and have absolutely no intention to be followed by thousands of potential weirdos! I mentioned her followers because she kind of acts like she's a big time influencer and we're all little nobodys... but she doesn't actually have many followers? It's all just ridiculous.

OP posts:
Wetblanket78 · 14/05/2022 00:08

If you get chance hide her phone from her. Turn it off as well so it won't ring. 😂😂😂

TimeForTeaAndG · 14/05/2022 00:08

She's not being left out if people are trying to talk to her but she's ignoring them. She's being rude. She's your brother's girlfriend, he can deal with her. Go and enjoy spending time with your family and stop giving her headspace.

Wetblanket78 · 14/05/2022 00:13

Brie86 · 13/05/2022 23:48

Yes this is the impression I get too. I dont think she's particularly shy, she also works in a very client facing field, is into all that hustle culture stuff, and is an organiser of some women's business network. (I've only found most of this out through my brother and social media). It annoys me, and saddens me, that someone would so overtly detest spending time with us, while taking advantage of my parents and our family home as the backdrop for her influencer fantasies. I'd rather she just didn't come. It's a bit of an elephant in the room when someone who clearly hates you all is just...there.

Show quote history

Could she be on her phone for work? I know a few people who are self employed and they're constantly on they're phone emails ect.

overnightangel · 14/05/2022 00:16

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2022 23:25

Well, for one thing she's rude.
For another, it's your brother's problem. Has anyone spoken to him about it?

And lastly, if I were your parents I wouldn't want my home all over someone's SM so I'd be asking her to stop and take down what's already up.

All of this 👍🏻

converseandjeans · 14/05/2022 00:24

Just ignore her.

LovePoppy · 14/05/2022 00:29

The responsibility to integrate her is on your brother

if he’s not bothering, why are you?

ReverendBernice · 14/05/2022 02:08

Blimey, I could have posted this a few years ago! My brother so went out with an influencer sort. Our parents are dead, sadly, but DH and I have a nice home with a bit of land (inherited from his mum), lots of veg, chickens, etc. It's lovely if I do say so myself.

Anyway, she'd come to our BBQ or family meals, events, etc. and totally ignore us. I found her insta and saw she'd posted things like "fresh eggs every morning, can't beat the #selfsufficientlife" or her posing beside my tomatoes with a caption of "my babies. The taste of summer". 🤢

She lived in a studio flat (by choice!), couldn't cook, and hated dirt (screamed when I handed her a potato covered in soil), and thought the chickens were "rats with wings".

I started following her when she'd blatantly wander off to film/photo her silly insta nonsense. I'd just smile and chat to her while her smile got tighter and tighter. DBro broke up with her soon enough. Said she lived in her phone.

ReverendBernice · 14/05/2022 02:12

also not so

growandhope · 14/05/2022 02:52

she is obsessed with herself, ignore her, really make no effort. She'd probably diss you on the old social media anyway.

Fizzyfish · 14/05/2022 03:46

If you've already tried don't feel bad about ignoring her, she sounds like a self absorbed twit

bellebeautifu1 · 14/05/2022 04:53

No one is forcing you to get on, we cant help who our siblings marry / have a relationship with. Coming from someone whose had a wealth of experience in SIL relations five SILs, unfourtantely we cant be best mates with them, as long as your brother is happy that is all you can ask for, just be cordial. It sucks but sometimes that is what happens.

Not sure if you have sisters, but I grew up with three brothers and relished the idea of having sister-in-laws who I could go shopping with, spa dates etc. Alas, one sister-in-law never made the effort (like your brother's GF), another one treated my brother terribly so I never made any effort and the other was stuck up. Two of my brothers remarried many years ago, and their wives are great, I get along well. The one whose still on his first marriage to the stuck up SIL, I have spent 40 years making small talk and being polite. It is what it is.

orangeisthenewpuce · 14/05/2022 06:01

Tell your brother you think she's rude. It's up to him to tell her

Bogeyes · 14/05/2022 06:13

If ignore her. Does she live in a fantasy social media world? It sounds as if you are living in different worlds. Its your brothers problem not yours.

GiltEdges · 14/05/2022 06:25

I'm very conscious of people feeling left out and I wouldn't like someone to feel like that
She evidently doesn't feel like that. She's choosing to ignore you all.

We can't exactly just completely ignore someone in our home
It sounds like this is exactly what you should do. Maybe changing tack and leaving her alone will result in some more forthcoming conversation from her.

My parents are very generous and welcoming and she doesn't seem one bit appreciative. Never offers any help or anything.
Really none of your business. We don't give to receive, etc. Let your parents raise any concerns they have with your DB if they're unhappy, but it sounds like they're just getting on with things, which you should also be.

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 14/05/2022 06:32

Oh this sounds tough 😫 I'm similar to you in that if there's someone in the group who changes the dynamic, I struggle to relax and fully be myself. I'm working on that though, and trying to just stop focusing on that person and relax.

She's an adult, she is responsible for how she behaves in social situations. She sounds rude to me, but honestly that's her issue. Go and enjoy spending time with your family and let her sit miserable in the corner with her tik tok friends 😂

NamechangeFML · 14/05/2022 06:36

Just say " oh is that you off to make a wee video in my mums dinning room? Enjoy!"
and i would Follow her and comment - how else will she be taken down a peg?

i understand its in your nature to be well mannered, but stop. Just stop.

soundofsilver · 14/05/2022 06:52

I had a SIL like this! I only wish we'd said something before they married. They have now, unsurprisingly, divorced.
Hopefully your brother will see sense.
Some people are miserable. Don't let it ruin your day.

saraclara · 14/05/2022 06:55

Have you asked your brother why she's pretending that your parents home is her own?

kimfox · 14/05/2022 07:12

I'd just ignore it and have a good time with your brother & family. Bringing it up will cause a rift, making an effort that isn't reciprocated is making you stressed.

Indicatrice · 14/05/2022 07:18

I agree with everyone else, ignore her. You’re setting a dynamic where run around after and she gets to act like a princess.

Do you parents know about their home being on Insta? Could they have a word with your db?

Daisyblush · 14/05/2022 07:23

Ignore her and tell your parents their house is being used.

BeautifulWar · 14/05/2022 07:34

Leave her to it. It's not your job to befriend her.

cameocat · 14/05/2022 07:45

She sounds awful. I'd ignore her, maybe chat to DB saying you find it surprising she wants to come as she doesn't seem to enjoy it and is he being mean by dragging her along.

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