if I go ape at my mother over this? (disclaimer - there will be swearing)

[bohemianbint]

Right, I'm 8 weeks pregnant today and we told immediate family under specific instructions not to tell anyone else for the time being, as we wanted to wait until 12 weeks-ish to tell the wider world.

I know my mum told people on New Years Eve, which annoyed us massively and I told her to make sure she didn't tell anyone else.

I was just in tesco, and not a word of a lie, the fecking trolley bloke comes up and congratulates me - he said my mum's told him. I was so angry I was shaking and now I'm still shaking but I could cry. DP hasn't even told his grandparents yet FFS! I know some people think it's not a big deal telling everyone, but it was a big deal to us and we told family not to tell anyone. It just shows such a lack of respect.

I am thinking I'm probably just going to call her up and go fecking mental at her but I'm venting here first to make sure I don't go overboard.

I'm not being unreasonable, this is well out of order isn't it?!

Wisteria, that's horrible!

Agree that YANBU, it is very sensible to tell very close family about early pregnancy, also there are very good reasons not to tell the whole bloody world.
My Mum had to keep the whole thing quiet until I was 14 weeks. It almost killed her and she would phone me up and tell me that she "didn't even tell people who don't know you" or "didn't even hint" . Drove me nuts at the time, but at least she didn't tell. And if my Mum can do it, then anyone can (if they really want to and they respect your wishes).
Your Mum is really selfish and is putting her own desire to crow about being a Granny over your needs and wishes.
So there!

I think the booze got to him - they'd only told him because she was having a rough time with MS and he was staying with them, he had promised he would keep it a secret as she was a first timer and a bit older so was understandably worried that she may not carry full term.

I am sure you'll be fine but I think the scenario below is the best way forward - she has to know how cross you are because otherwise she'll just carry on.......

I can't let go of anger very easily either once I'm fired up.

I'd be fuming tbh. and I'd be screaming down the phone. but I agree that might not make things any better. if you can just let her know in a more civilised manner. if you cannot just vent it, I am sure it will be fine after a few days.

I totally disagree with calzone.
I know she may be excited, but it shows a TOTAL lack of respect.
And I can assocaite with port and lemonaid.
In Nov I was rushed into kings becasue pregnancy made diabetes go mad. Scan shoed I had miscarried, but told I would have to wait 2 weeks till week 8 to confirm. Told mums and dh's brother, told them not to tell. No signs, but I knew I had miscarried, but deep in my heart I was hoping that the 2 week wait would prove me wrong. A week later, someone came up to me saying sorry. I gebuinely didn't know what they were refering to. dh's brother had told them. took a minute, to registar, becasue at this stage I was still hoping. I cried and cried.
Dh was furious.
And you think it is o.k. to tell ?
Think again.

Oblomov, that's really sad, I'm sorry.

It's just so ridiculous, and that fact that it was THE TROLLEY MAN AT TESCO, it's farcical. It would amost be funny if it wasn't so sad.

When you have a scan, tell your mother that you know the sex of the baby but are not going to tell her under any circumstances because she is unable to keep a secret.

You don't actually have to know what the sex is of course...

Or, tell the tescos trolley man that you know the sex but aren't telling your mother because she can't keep a secret...

heheee....

I didn't want to tell anybody before 12 weeks, but went to a spa with SIL and had to tell the lady doing the treatments that I was pg and she mentioned it in the reception in front of SIL who had not gone in for her treatment. She asked DH if I were pg, we asked her to keep it quiet, but she said she couldn't and could we tell earlier. We ended up telling earlier and the week later I began to bleed which I found really upsetting.

Congrats on your pg

hahaha soupy, have just juggled the baby so I could post the same thing but you got there first!

YANBU btw bb!

YANBU. Bang out of order for her i. not to keep her mouth shut when you'd expressly asked her to and ii. to spread your news about.

I'd just tell her that you simply won't tell her important stuff any more. She can find out big news with the rest.

YANBU

you need to have this out with her so it doesn't keep festering

and in future bear in mind that she finds it hard to keep secrets

in her defence, when my sis was pg and I was not allowed to tell anyone, I found myself telling some completely random people who did not know her because I was bursting to talk about it: my hairdresser, a taxi driver, colleagues - in my defence I live in a different part of the country!

But if you tell her something important again and she blabs again, then it's your fault!

my mum did this
i was 7 wks pg if that, at a close family friend's wedding, when an old neighbour who i hadn't seen for 15 years congratulated me on my pg. My mum had told her friend who hadn't realised it was a secret and had told everyone. The problem was my 12 year old niece/goddaughter found out from overhearing and not sure she has forgiven me yet!

i told my mum how mad i was, and also said i hope she will enjoy telling everyone if i am no longer pg as 1 in 3 miscarry etc. etc.

i did find out the sex of baby #2 and refused to tell! ha ha, got my revenge!

Agree utterly with Soupy. Oh yes.

Just got through to my dad, my mum wasn't there. He said he doesn't know what's happened and that he doesn't know what to say.

I was in floods of tears because I'm so upset. Would not "sorry" have been an appropriate response from a father to his distraught daughter?

My late mother did exactly the same thing - was asked not to tell anyone other than immediate family but must have told everyone in town - eventually it got back to me via a distant relative on the other side. I miscarried that pregnancy and it was she who had to deal with people asking her about it as I lived several hundred miles away.

woah, I understand you're upset but don't take it out on your dad. He's not done anything wrong and is a bit stuck in the middle.

You need to calm down before you talk to your mum and simply state you are upset that she didn't keep the news to herself - explain why: that YOU wanted to be the one to share YOUR news when YOU felt ready, and that you don't want the whole world to know if somthing should go wrong, and also explain that DH's family don't even all know yet. State it calmly, the facts - that will get your message accross much more effectively than being mad at your dad.

Think there might be some pregnancy hormones raging here. Not technically your dad's fault, is it? Why should he apologise? And isn't it good news that your mum is bursting with excitement about it? Why else would she be blabbing? But if it makes you feel better, you've made me laugh about Mr Tesco Trolley Bloke.

I think it does matter, and I don't think YABU to be really pissed off. With my first pregnancy, I told my mum and step-dad under strict instructions not to tell anyone until the 12 week scan. Within one day, my step-dad had told our entire family and even some random friends of his, and we were getting 'congrats' texts from people we barely knew. I was livid, but bit my tongue. This time round, I only told my mum and asked her to keep it under her hat. I miscarried at about 7 weeks, so I'm glad I kept it fairly private. I think it's insensitive and mean to make someone else's news your own by spreading it about - even if it's done out of excitement rather than malice.

YANBU. It is your news to tell. I know people get excited but if you ask them not to tell they should respect that. A Pregnancy is a big thing after all.

Not quite the same but I told MIL I was pregnant at 6 weeks and she got all excited and as she was out shopping said she was going to start buying stuff. I had a miscarriage before so I asked her to hold off until past the 12 week point. The Result? Big sulks and refusal to buy ANYTHING for DS at all until he was about 6 months.

Think they just get a bit carried away but still not right.

Now if it had been the manager with a bag of free goodies to say congrats that would be ok -

but the trolley man ?

First off: Congratulations on your pregancy

And now for the advice:

Tell your mother that if you ever have a further pregnancy she's not getting told at all as she's a gossiping windbag who needs to find her mute button.

Agnes**who is feeling a bit snarky this evening. Can you tell?