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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting over being dumped for what you consider a small reason

57 replies

Lolabray · 12/05/2022 21:25

I mean for example: not ringing someone back on time
turning up to the date late
turning up drunk or out of it

ive recently been binned off as I prefer to call it, no talking no explanation.. I made a mistake but his reaction seems quite extreme.

Unless of course he didn’t like me :) which of course he didn’t.

OP posts:
hellomeownow · 12/05/2022 21:25

Turning up drunk to a date might be seen as a bit of a red flag? And depends how late is late?

bellac11 · 12/05/2022 21:26

Are the reasons you quoted,, things that you've done and therefore might be why he has ended with you?

In any case, people dont have to remain dating someone they dont want to.

Lime37 · 12/05/2022 21:27

turning up drunk I would split up. And repeated behaviours on the above shows you don’t value my time. I am guessing this is a reverse tho.

Bryonny84 · 12/05/2022 21:27

Not ringing someone on time is fine. I hate people being late and turning up drunk for a date really is a no no for me.

ButtockUp · 12/05/2022 21:27

Sorry, you're not clear.
Were you turning up drunk, late and not contacting him?

runnerblade95 · 12/05/2022 21:28

What was the mistake?

Original poster
Lolabray · 12/05/2022 21:29

Neither. I was giving examples

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/05/2022 21:30

Maybe he used it as an excuse to end it.

NumberTheory · 12/05/2022 21:31

I think those "little reasons" all seem like a bit of a lack of effort. Which might not be important if you're seeing lots of people, you don't need everyone to be that keen on you. But if you're looking for someone to get serious about they are a fairly good indicator that you're probably wasting your time.

Nutellaonall · 12/05/2022 21:31

To quote the book “He’s just not
that into you.” If he is keen he
will let little things slip. If he isn’t he won’t. So Whatever the little thing was it probably wasn’t the real reason.

Bromeliadh · 12/05/2022 21:31

Not calling or being late isn’t a big deal. But tuning up drunk or “out of it” (from what? drugs?) is a huge red flag! Sorry but I’d dump someone for that too. If you’re genuinely turning up “out of it” for dates then perhaps you need some help with your alcohol consumption or drug use.

PumpkinsandKittens · 12/05/2022 21:31

Anyone can end a relationship for any reason they like however small but it might have been the tip of the iceberg and maybe he wanted to end it sooner but that was the last straw?

SaggyBlinders · 12/05/2022 21:34

I'd bin someone off for turning up late or out of it for a date, and wouldn't give any further explanation than that.

springbreak22 · 12/05/2022 21:34

What was his reason?

AlternativePerspective · 12/05/2022 21:34

But it’s impossible to say whether or not you’re unreasonable without knowing the reason he ended it.

Because what to one might seem trivial might not to someone else and vice versa.

E.g. not calling once would be an oversight, never calling would probably be a reason to end it.

Turning up late for a date once could be understandable, but being constantly late isn’t an attractive trait.

And turning up drunk even once would be a dealbreaker for many.

Original poster
Lolabray · 12/05/2022 21:47

His reason he didn’t drink and I did.

OP posts:
PriestessofPing · 12/05/2022 21:51

Maybe he’s had a problem with alcohol or someone close to him has. Or maybe he was just looking for an excuse. At the end of the day, he felt you weren’t right for each other and that’s a good reason to end things.

RobertaFirmino · 12/05/2022 22:03

Lolabray · 12/05/2022 21:47

His reason he didn’t drink and I did.

It's probably for the best then. If he feels that strongly about drinking then it would have always been lurking in the background of your relationship. You'd hear things like 'You've already had a glass!' or 'Don't you think you've had enough?'. Tuts and PA behaviour every time you got a little tispy. No, it would never have worked.

The good news is that you are now free to find someone who you will be compatible with!

Original poster
Lolabray · 12/05/2022 22:06

@RobertaFirmino fair play but he liked his weed. 😱

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolabray · 12/05/2022 22:07

@PriestessofPing yes that’s what it was but he self medicated with weed. So it’s like to me double standards

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 12/05/2022 22:09

He just went off you. He didn't fancy you any more. The reason was irrelevant.

Rosebuud · 12/05/2022 22:09

Did you turn up drunk and out of it? I’d probably bin for that and I don’t have an issue with drink

Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2022 22:10

Anyone can break up with anyone else, at anytime, for any reason, and their reason/reasons never have to be justified by them.

Move on.

Chikapu · 12/05/2022 22:11

People are free to bin someone off for any reason and you aren't owed an explanation really. Turning up drunk to a date would not be a small reason to me it would be an absolute turn off and I'd end things.

Attwoodsladyfriend · 12/05/2022 22:16

I dumped someone for having elasticated jeans. Another one for reading The Sun. Another because he thought that archeology was “silly.”

All bullets dodged.