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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bathing with kids

89 replies

mummasaurus · 12/05/2022 18:33

My dad is keen to be a hands on grandad to my DS, and when he comes to stay (long drive so stays 1 or 2 nights) he likes take care of the evening routine and putting DS to bed. This is great and I'm appreciative of the help, the only thing is my dad gets in the bath with DS. I'm not sure this is appropriate though, especially now that DS is getting older, 6. Keen to understand others views on this

OP posts:

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:33

I’m sorry to detract from the OP’s question a but I’m just curious about some comments that have been made on this thread.

My sons are 8 and almost 5, they bath together and I sit in the bathroom with them. It’s never occurred to me that it’s a strange set-up but now I’m wondering whether things need to change?

Mally100 · 14/05/2022 09:36

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:33

I’m sorry to detract from the OP’s question a but I’m just curious about some comments that have been made on this thread.

My sons are 8 and almost 5, they bath together and I sit in the bathroom with them. It’s never occurred to me that it’s a strange set-up but now I’m wondering whether things need to change?

Are you naked in the tub with them? Then no, your situation is entirely different.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 14/05/2022 09:36

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:33

I’m sorry to detract from the OP’s question a but I’m just curious about some comments that have been made on this thread.

My sons are 8 and almost 5, they bath together and I sit in the bathroom with them. It’s never occurred to me that it’s a strange set-up but now I’m wondering whether things need to change?

No that's perfectly normal

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:46

Are you naked in the tub with them? Then no, your situation is entirely different.

God no.

I didn’t bathe with them after they reached the age of 2/3. It just made me feel uncomfortable.

It’s only because someone above said that 6 year olds should be bathing alone and I read it as though they should be in the bath alone and nobody in the room with them so they have have privacy.

My friend has a 6 year old daughter who bathes alone and is in the bathroom alone and that to her is what should be happening, hence why I have previously questioned (and even more after this thread) whether me being in the bathroom whilst my 8 year old bathes is inappropriate.

Mally100 · 14/05/2022 09:55

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:46

Are you naked in the tub with them? Then no, your situation is entirely different.

God no.

I didn’t bathe with them after they reached the age of 2/3. It just made me feel uncomfortable.

It’s only because someone above said that 6 year olds should be bathing alone and I read it as though they should be in the bath alone and nobody in the room with them so they have have privacy.

My ds is 6yo and showers alone. The door is almost closed but I am able to go in and help if he needs anything. It's important to allow kids their privacy. I don't think you are wrong by being there as your little one is 5yo, but maybe your 8yo feels uncomfortable.

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 10:01

I don't think you are wrong by being there as your little one is 5yo, but maybe your 8yo feels uncomfortable.

Ive always assumed not as he’s naked a lot in the house and never seems remotely bothered about being naked in front of me or DH.

We’ve always been quite relaxed about nakedness around the children but when our eldest was about 6 me and DH did tone it down, not because our son was uncomfortable with it, but because we were.

I don’t mind my almost 5 year old seeing me naked, but I don’t feel comfortable being naked around my 8 year old so I try and prevent it as much as is possible.

I guess I will just be led by my eldest then in terms of when he wants to bathe alone.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 14/05/2022 10:08

I'm surprised at people reaction to bathing with their own children past the age of 2/3. Come to realise I am definitely the kind Keith with this one!

ICanSmellSummerComing · 14/05/2022 10:16

Sorry op I've got alarm bells ringing loud and clear.

Wanting to be hands on doesn't mean taking over everything, far from it.

Also asking a 6 year old whether he's happy with it?

Really?

What if he's totally groomed by this stage? What if he's Been threatened?

Absolutely no. There is no reason on this earth why a grown man needs to take a bath with a small child .

ICanSmellSummerComing · 14/05/2022 10:17

Op have you done the r nsppc chat with him? That body area's belong to him etc.
What a worrying situation

ICanSmellSummerComing · 14/05/2022 10:20

Op even my most trusted friend's ( male) I'd always hold 10 % in reserve ....

Children are mostly abused by people they know sadly, not the boogie man in the park.

Northernparent68 · 14/05/2022 14:00

If your issue is around boundaries then surely it’s what your son thinks, as for nudity is it any different to you showering while your son is in the bath, is nudity really so bad and dangerous?

Eggshausted · 14/05/2022 18:51

This is actually making my skin crawl. Why would a grown man want to be naked in a bath with a 6yo? Splashing? They can do that in a swimming pool. Helping the child to clean themselves? Eughhhhh.

CheapFoodShits · 14/05/2022 19:28

This is quite possibly the most fucking weird thing I've ever seen on here. That is not only bizarre behaviour, but actually turns my stomach. Absolutely not a chance is that normal. I'd be questioning whether or not I'd let him near my kid at any time, let alone bath and bed time.

LicoricePizza · 14/05/2022 21:07

I’ve just re-read your post OP. How long has your DF been doing bathing with him for?
How did it start in the 1st place? You say that he lives a distance away, so tends to stay the night. So is he saying oh I’ll have my bath now (in the pm) & DS may as well have his at the same time kind of thing & he can jump in with me & then that gets his bath time done & gives you a bit of a break kind of thing? And now it’s become the kind of routine of what he does with him? It doesn’t make it any less inappropriate - just trying to figure out how it ever began in the first place.

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