Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bathing with kids

89 replies

mummasaurus · 12/05/2022 18:33

My dad is keen to be a hands on grandad to my DS, and when he comes to stay (long drive so stays 1 or 2 nights) he likes take care of the evening routine and putting DS to bed. This is great and I'm appreciative of the help, the only thing is my dad gets in the bath with DS. I'm not sure this is appropriate though, especially now that DS is getting older, 6. Keen to understand others views on this

OP posts:
dollymuchymuchness · 12/05/2022 19:27

NO WAY.

Loyaultemelie · 12/05/2022 19:33

I would trust my Dad 110% although he wouldn't actually want to bathe with my DC but I wouldn't trust my DM as much weirdly she's never been physically abusive towards me or them but things aren't always physical

Thinkbiglittleone · 12/05/2022 19:33

I'm not sure how they fit in at aged 6.
My DF stays over occasionally and when he was in the bath our DS wanted to jump in, he's 4, I didn't see a problem at all.

I'm not sure when I would start to say no, I suppose a time will just come where he doesn't want to, we don't want him to or grandad doesn't, but when that time comes, just stop, if that time is now for you, stop it happening.

We have a friend who has never bathed his daughter, "in case people get the wrong idea" complete madness.

kimfox · 12/05/2022 19:34

I would find this very very odd. Why on Earth is he doing that?

Soubriquet · 12/05/2022 19:35

We (the parents) bathed with them when they were babies and toddlers. By the age of 2, they bathed alone with a parent next to them.

6 is too old

countrylifer · 12/05/2022 19:35

So inappropriate. I'm a bit open mouthed it's happened even once tbh. Why does GF even want to do this?

Springblossom2022 · 12/05/2022 19:37

If you're not happy with it then you need to chat with your dad and put an immediate stop to it. Just explain your honest reasoning (e.g. you think your son is a little too old for this now).

I had baths with my dad up until I was 6 or 7 and it was seen as normal for us so I wouldn't be bothered about what anyone else thinks. You feeling uncomfortable about it speaks volumes though; if it was anything else you'd likely not worry about what others think and just put a stop it it so that's what I'd do 😊

Mally100 · 12/05/2022 20:14

So presumably you don't go in to check as your dad would be naked too. So there is no way you would be able to be sure if something untoward happened? You should not be allowing this at all.

VestaTilley · 12/05/2022 20:15

Oh my God, what?!

Absolutely not!! No way! Please don’t ever leave him unsupervised with your child. Do not leave them alone together at bath and bedtime, and watch him like a hawk.

That is not normal - at all.

DillyDilly · 12/05/2022 20:16

Far from appropriate. How long has he been sharing a bath with your DS?

SailingNotSurfing · 13/05/2022 11:12

This is all kinds of wrong.

Tell your father NO.

PostItNoteScribbles · 13/05/2022 11:39

i wouldnt be happy with this. Awkward conversation though

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/05/2022 11:40

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 12/05/2022 18:36

As long as DS is completely free to say no then it’s fine. Ask DS in advance what he thinks.

This. Tell your dad to ask him beforehand as he's getting older.

nearlyspringyay · 13/05/2022 11:43

Urgh. No.

RollOnWinter · 13/05/2022 11:44

When my own 2 sons were little (toddlers, up to about 4 years) I used to put them in the bath with me. I've got grandchildren now, and have never, would never, have got into a bath with them. I think it's inappropriate.

HousePlantNeglect · 13/05/2022 11:47

Nah, I’d not be comfortable with this. Me and DH bathed with our two DS occasionally til 2-3. Now that they are older (5-6ish) I actually want my privacy from them when in the bathroom and shower (wishful thinking mind someone is always barging in!). I feel it’s my responsibility to teach them a bit about privacy now that they are getting older not wait for them to decide on their own.

No way would a grandparent share a bath with them (not even a consideration as none of their grandparents would be comfortable with this).

Mischance · 13/05/2022 11:49

This is not appropriate - in no way. We bathed with our children when they were very little. But never never would a grandparent have done the same - especially not at age 6.

Inevitably you cannot police what is going on inn the bathroom.

I would simply tell him not to do it - and, to be frank, if he does not know it is inappropriate, then he should not be left to dress or undress your son during the process of getting ready for bed. He has a weird view of appropriate boundaries.

PinkSyCo · 13/05/2022 11:50

Must be a bit of a squeeze. What does your DS think?

Vsirbdo · 13/05/2022 11:50

No and I have no idea why he would want to do that.
my 5 year old DD likes to come into the bath with me and I generally say no because quite simply there’s not enough room and it’s uncomfortable and awkward.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 13/05/2022 11:53

Grim.

Absolutely grim.
For reasons including absolutely no need - to what dc 6 needs to see his dgf naked? Surely natural nakedness is just that...a natural occurrence - not a staged event.

StoppinBy · 13/05/2022 11:55

A big no from me and if I am honest it would make me seriously wonder what his motivation was.

It is so highly abnormal to me (and this is as a family with M/D dd9/ds5 who still shower together for convenience) that it would be like raising a huge red flag.

LicoricePizza · 13/05/2022 11:55

Is this post actually genuine? It’s so obviously inappropriate that it’s making me wonder. Sorry OP if it is.

SunshineAndFizz · 13/05/2022 11:55

Mally100 · 12/05/2022 20:14

So presumably you don't go in to check as your dad would be naked too. So there is no way you would be able to be sure if something untoward happened? You should not be allowing this at all.

Good point, surely no one else goes in the bathroom while your dads in the bath too?

Nah. This is all really strange.

Indoctro · 13/05/2022 12:00

I would be thinking he is a pedo looking to abuse your son.

starrynight21 · 13/05/2022 12:08

No way ! A 6 year old needs some privacy, he shouldn't ever be put into the position of having an adult squeezing into the bath with him. Personally I'd find it weird and creepy that your FIL would even think of such a thing.