To think this is not my fault. Kids savings accounts etc.

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I am oldest or 5. Dm had me and db when she was really young and neither of us had our dads around. My mum was a skint single mum and obviously couldn't afford to save much. My grandparents were in their very early 50's at the time, in full time work and they opened savings accounts for us knowing my mother couldn't afford it. When me and DB reached 18 we had maybe 2 grand each. But we didn't get it all in one hit. I was grateful, my grandparents didn't have to do this at all and I appreciated it so much. It helped out with a few things and furniture when I rented my first place at 18.

anyway, my mum re married and had 3 more kids in her thirties. Much more stable position with a husband. Me and db were teens + by this point and my grandparents were pretty much retiring age and I believe they said that they couldn't afford to save as much for the younger 3, so apparently they always said that they wouldn't get quite as much but would get something, never nothing. My grandparents also helped out with other things too for my mum, stepdad and my younger siblings. Paying for days out, computers, holidays, school trips etc as my mum/stepdad were and still are terrible with money. My younger siblings never went without, in fact probably had more opportunities than me and db did.

so it's come to the time my younger siblings will have access to their savings account. My mum is furious they've got less than me and db did as it's not fair according to her. This doesn't sound like me problem until my dm has directed her annoyance at me - like it's my bloody fault!! This is not my fault. My grandpa sadly died not too long ago and isn't here to talk about it. He wound have never of intentionally hurt anyone. He was a very generous man.

there's a few factors here

1. my grandparents age meant they had less money by the time siblings were born. They couldn't afford to save so much.
2. They helped them out financially otherwise paying for other things. They bought siblings a computer each at one point amongst lots of other things. So rather than putting money into a savings account they had a computer each etc.
3. she was a single mum to me and db when we were but my siblings have a dad. A dad who actually owned a house but sold it to move in with my mum into her rented house.after the mortgage was paid he was left with £100,000. My stepdad could have put some away for his kids but did not and they just spent it all on crap - my mum included so not putting the blame fully on stepdad. They just had holidays with the money to be honest. My grandpa probably assumed that their dad would have put some of his house sale money away for them. Me and db did not have a dad to provide for us, my grandparents felt like they were looking after us I think.

aibu to think this not my fault? A few times dm had directed her anger at me saying well you had more money!! Like it's my fault. I've never told my younger siblings I got more or anything daft like that, would have no reason too. I wouldn't have known how much they got if she hadn't of told me. It had never really crossed my mind til she mentioned it.

On another note, my grandma - who hopefully has many more years left in her yet has shown me her will and the house sale will be split totally equal. It's just the savings accounts that were not exactly the same due to varying amounts of money over the years! My siblings still have some money from them just not quite as much as me and db did. My grandpa was working throughout my childhood until I was about 17. Maybe he didn't anticipate that my mum was going to re marry and have more kids when he was retiring.

there are no other grandchildren. My mums brother does not have children.

What's your AIBU OP?

Ultimately, none of the context is really relevant here. Your grandparents tried to do a nice thing. Whether it was exactly equal or not is really neither here nor there. Nor is it your problem. So when your mum tries to discuss it with you, I'd tell her exactly that. I'd also tell her she's incredibly ungrateful and money grabbing, but that's just me.

She is being absolutely ridiculous. My siblings and I all had savings accounts with the same amount put in at one point but due to age differences we all got differing amounts once we were able to access them. No ones fault. Just a nice thing the grandparents did. As you said, they could have saved for their other children. Your mum is being well out of order to even drag you into this.

Your mum is being very greedy. She should be lucky her parents gave any of you a penny. I would point out that your younger siblings had a father who could have saved for his children but didn’t. And that your grandparents gave them things you didn’t have like computers so that evens up the balance.
She really is being very unreasonable. Especially when her husband spent his house sale money… can’t do that and expect others to provide for your kids!

Your mother is ungrateful. She should say thanks to her parents for saving money for her children particularly as it sounds as though she could have saved money for them herself and didn't.

Also, your siblings have a father and that father has money. It isn't equal. It isn't 'fair' . And the advantages are all theirs, not yours. It doesn't matter if your grandparents did put a bit more money in your savings account. It does not level the playing field. It was lovely of them to try. I'd be telling my mother to clear off if she was acting like that with me.

How could it be your fault? It was your grandparent's decision, you could hardly force them to open you an account as an infant and I'm pretty sure if you'd told them not to put as much away for the others (and they did that on your say-so for some reason that I can't imagine), you'd have mentioned it.

Your Mum is being ridiculous, as PPs have said.

Your grandparents were kind to give anyone anything. Sounds like your younger siblings have had more advantages overall as well.

Your mum is being ridiculous. My grandparents opened savings accounts for us - except I only found this out when mum had to tell me at about 16 that the others had one but my grandparents had forgotten/never got round to doing one for me 😂of course there was a bit of jealousy because I was 16 but it was never mega money (just seemed it at that age!) and it passed within about two days. I had plenty growing up and I was very aware of it. These things just happen. None of it is down to you!

She is just good at making me feel bad 😪 she's brought it up a few times! She's very similar in a lot of other ways too!

What does your DM expect you to do about this?

Tell her to stop going on about it? It's odd she's talking so much about her finances with you.

Of course it's not your fault.

Your mum clearly feels very guilty that she did not provide for your younger sblings in the way your grandparents provided for you and your brother.

We all had small savings accounts from my DGPs and it was so lovely knowing they thought of us each week. All the DGGC had some too. My DS had more because my DF paid into it too.

None of this is your fault. Your DM would have known the other 3 would get less so she could have stopped it up.

Of course it's not your fault, and if you and your DB only received about £2K at the end of it, we're not really talking about life changing sums of money.

Your DM sounds rude and grabby tbh.

I'm guessing she wants you to offer to top up your siblings savings to match what you got. Which is ridiculous, obviously.

Maybe she could ask your grandma to change her will, so that you and your DB get £2000 less each from the sale of herhouse so it will eventually be "fair".

Totally not your fault at all and ridiculous that your mum is blaming you or db in any way! How were you to know what would happen in the future?!

Inheritance doesn’t have to be equal…
i expect your grandparents did this because they thought your mum would struggle. I doubt they thought she’d go on to have more kids.

not your problem and your mum is being unreasonable.. especially as we are talking about a couple of grand!! X

It's 2K, not 20K or 200K. It is not a vast amount of money.

In fact, I bet if you totted up all the babysitting, days out etc. etc. that your GP's have done for your mum and younger siblings, it is way more than 4K.

Your mum would be better fixed looking into her own parental failings, including having to be funded by her parents as an adult, rather than blaming you.

She is being ridiculous. Just ignore her. She is a spendthrift and wont' benefitt from more money.
Very selfish of her. She is her mother's daughter so I'm afraid she needs to speak to her mother (even if you don't liek the idea) if she isn't happy, not you.

I wonder if your mother told your siblings they'd get the same as you (whilst conveniently ignoring what she'd been told) and they're now moaning at her, so she's passing the buck on to you? If so pass it back and tell her you won't be engaging with her on the matter again.

Out of interest does your DB get the same grief from her?

Fairness about money in families can get ugly. My mum got stressed she wouldn't be able to give me the same opportunities as my sister had had when I was a child after our father died, so my uncle opened a savings account for me to make sure I wouldn't lose out. He gave me the money when I went to university. My sister was fuming and tried to demand I returned it, because she'd not had the same. The fact that, due to the age gap, she'd had ten years more with our father than I had, plus the same uncle had contributed greatly to her wedding, was immaterial. All she could see was the unfairness.

Walk away from any conversations about the money and don't feel guilty in the slightest.

i imagine she’s mentioning it to you because she thinks it’s now your responsibility to equalize it.

It’s not, so don’t.

Whilst very kind of your grandparents £2000 is not a life changing amount of money. In fact it is far outweighed by the benefit of childcare, token gifts, days out etc.

I suspect your mum hides behind the belief you and your brother had more financial opportunities ‘because of your grandparents’ as opposed to recognising the benefits your siblings have done. Regardless this is nothing to do with you and her resentment/anger is most likely a projection of her guilt/jealousy.

Be honest and say you really don’t understand how this is your fault, nor responsibility. Also point out the benefits your siblings have had. If she continues to bring it up say you really don’t want to talk about it any more.

it’s not your fault at all. Ignore her.

Seems like a lot of stress and nonsense over a relatively small amount of money. It's £2000, nice to have but not a life-changing amount at all, so incredibly petty to quibble over what must amount to a difference of a few hundred quid. If she was that bothered about it then she should have saved for them.

Also this.

I'd shut that shit down straight away. Given your mum I'd probably say well it's all spent now anyway so all in the past. Dont get drawn in. Shes shit with money and looking for someone to blame or get a handout from.

Yanbu. Sorry your mum’s a bitch. My guess is she’s angling for your gran’s will to be changed and trying tonlay groundwork for that, but hopefully I’m wrong.

£2k is an exciting amount to get as a teen but it’s nothing compared to having the financial support of a father / the house sale money etc. Your mum needs to focus on how she supports her children and stop bitching at you.