To think this is not my fault. Kids savings accounts etc.

[User63638264829432]

I am oldest or 5. Dm had me and db when she was really young and neither of us had our dads around. My mum was a skint single mum and obviously couldn't afford to save much. My grandparents were in their very early 50's at the time, in full time work and they opened savings accounts for us knowing my mother couldn't afford it. When me and DB reached 18 we had maybe 2 grand each. But we didn't get it all in one hit. I was grateful, my grandparents didn't have to do this at all and I appreciated it so much. It helped out with a few things and furniture when I rented my first place at 18.

anyway, my mum re married and had 3 more kids in her thirties. Much more stable position with a husband. Me and db were teens + by this point and my grandparents were pretty much retiring age and I believe they said that they couldn't afford to save as much for the younger 3, so apparently they always said that they wouldn't get quite as much but would get something, never nothing. My grandparents also helped out with other things too for my mum, stepdad and my younger siblings. Paying for days out, computers, holidays, school trips etc as my mum/stepdad were and still are terrible with money. My younger siblings never went without, in fact probably had more opportunities than me and db did.

so it's come to the time my younger siblings will have access to their savings account. My mum is furious they've got less than me and db did as it's not fair according to her. This doesn't sound like me problem until my dm has directed her annoyance at me - like it's my bloody fault!! This is not my fault. My grandpa sadly died not too long ago and isn't here to talk about it. He wound have never of intentionally hurt anyone. He was a very generous man.

there's a few factors here

1. my grandparents age meant they had less money by the time siblings were born. They couldn't afford to save so much.
2. They helped them out financially otherwise paying for other things. They bought siblings a computer each at one point amongst lots of other things. So rather than putting money into a savings account they had a computer each etc.
3. she was a single mum to me and db when we were but my siblings have a dad. A dad who actually owned a house but sold it to move in with my mum into her rented house.after the mortgage was paid he was left with £100,000. My stepdad could have put some away for his kids but did not and they just spent it all on crap - my mum included so not putting the blame fully on stepdad. They just had holidays with the money to be honest. My grandpa probably assumed that their dad would have put some of his house sale money away for them. Me and db did not have a dad to provide for us, my grandparents felt like they were looking after us I think.

aibu to think this not my fault? A few times dm had directed her anger at me saying well you had more money!! Like it's my fault. I've never told my younger siblings I got more or anything daft like that, would have no reason too. I wouldn't have known how much they got if she hadn't of told me. It had never really crossed my mind til she mentioned it.

On another note, my grandma - who hopefully has many more years left in her yet has shown me her will and the house sale will be split totally equal. It's just the savings accounts that were not exactly the same due to varying amounts of money over the years! My siblings still have some money from them just not quite as much as me and db did. My grandpa was working throughout my childhood until I was about 17. Maybe he didn't anticipate that my mum was going to re marry and have more kids when he was retiring.

there are no other grandchildren. My mums brother does not have children.

I wouldn't even do that.

The OP's mother sounds really materialistic. It's not the grandparents role to provide for the grandchild, it's the parents role.

The way I see it is that your grandparents made up the difference between what you were getting from your parents at the time. Your parents weren't able to provide this for you and your brother. Now, your mother and/or father, when they were in a better position to provide for your younger siblings, should have started small savings accounts for them. You see they weren't able to provide the savings for you and your brother in the same way. It should be those savings that make the difference between what your grandparents put away for the younger siblings.

I would, however, shut down the conversation if your mother brings it up again by saying something on the lines of the above and then finish by saying "now that I've said my piece, I really don't want to hear any more moaning or complaining about how granny and grandad treated me and John differently to Mary, Elizabeth and Mark. That's enough on the subject and if you mention it again, I'll either not respond or I'll have to leave" (fake names used in the previous sentence)

Go broken record "Mum, I've given you prior warning about what I'll do if you mention the savings that granny put away for me and John. Now, will I put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea?". Change the subject. Don't engage.

Your mum sounds awful. It was a lovely thing your grandparents did and entirely their decision. If she brings it up again I’d say it was grandma and grandads decision I’m not discussing further. I wouldn’t entertain any talk of you giving money to half siblings or will being altered.
I wonder if she also thinks it was a lot more than £2000.

What you seem to be able to understand, and your mother doesn’t, is that
Your grandparents gave you, your dc and half siblings what they planned and saved for.
Theres a difference to what dgp could put aside when working and when retired.
Your dgps explained this to your mother.
No one is ENTITLED to money from dgp.

You are obviously more mature and sensible than your mother.

This is very true. £2k compared to having a father is nothing. I'm sorry your mum is being so horrible to you. Do you feel able to tell her to stop going on about it and that it's not your problem?

Until your mother can tell you why this is your fault. Then I would disengage.

Ultimately her and her Dh had opportunity to save for the 3 younger ones as well as you and your older brother but didn’t despite having opportunity to do so.

That is up to her and her Dh

I can’t get over this guy selling his bought and paid for house and not buying another. Not even renting it out.

The only reason why this is even a problem is because your mother and your younger siblings father were idiots with money and thought nothing of theirs or their childrens future.

Your mother is being unfair. She should be grateful that her parents have helped so much and put money aside for her children. It may not be an equal amount but your childhoods don't sound equal at all.

£2k isn't a life changing amount of money, it works out at under £10 a month over 18 years. She could have spoken to your grandparents and contributed the shortfall.

Your mother is being ridiculous and I think she is directing this anger and spite at you because she is trying to make you feel bad enough to then give money to your half siblings. Just wait and see. She will suggest that you “owe them something because you got more and that’s not fair”

Dont even entertain it. She is gearing up to manipulate you.

Your mum is being grabby and selfish but probably has always been like this. Single mum or not it was never up to your grandparents to save for you though I can understand why they did and it was a lovely thing to do. There should never have been an expectation on them to help put buy computers or any of the other things they did, lovely of them of course but unnecessary. Your mum unfortunately has gotten used to having a helping hand and is entitled. That won't change.

I'd change the subject each time she raises it and if she keeps on at you say she is being rude. Is she actually pleasant to you because her just being your mum isn't a good enough reason (in my eyes) to have her in your life.

Not your fault, you’ve done nothing wrong. Your Grandparents sound lovely, you sound lovely, your mum sounds mean.

I think you should distance yourself from your mum and concentrate on building your life with supportive people around you. Some of us are lucky and have great parents and some of us have horrible parents.

She's one of those ones for whom everything is always someone else's fault or responsibility.

So it became your GP's responsibility when she chose shit head men to have her first two kids with and ended up raising them with no dad in sight. It became someone elses' fault when your stepfather pissed away the proceeds of a house sale and they are left with fuck all. Only due to your GPs careful planning and kindness did you get anything at all starting out adult life.

Now her three kids are wondering where their savings pot might be and why there isn't one (when clearly there was plenty of cash at one point to set up even a modest one and she's deflecting again - this time onto you.

Stand your ground here.

2k is fuck all in the grand scheme of life.

That might sound flippant, as that amount of money could make a big difference to a single mum or someone with dependents, bills or debt really struggling in later life.

To a 16/17/18yo with no responsibilities - wouldn’t last a year. Likely to piss it up the wall on a few nights out, a couple pairs of trainers and a new iPhone.

Life is not fair, and certainly not equal

Why hasn't your mum & their father made up the money themselves?

Your mum is being awful and needs to take responsibility for not putting away any savings herself. Sounds like the grandparents were very generous along the way. It is definitely not your fault.

I'm shocked that they have blown £100k and now don't own a home. That's so bloody stupid.

Regarding the inheritance, £2k isn't that much and if they got some plus computers etc then it all evens out! I'd ignore her op.

You know it isn't your fault so stop letting her make you feel bad. I know it sounds easy and isn't but how about you just decide to say to yourself, it is not my fault ?

my kids all have different amounts of savings. In one account it is most to least from eldest to youngest in another child three has more than child number two. If any of my kids moaned that their sibling had more they would be in a lot of trouble. But they wouldn't be so rude.

your mothers annoyance is clearly misplaced.

When my dgm died my older dc got some money left... My younger ones will never receive any money off anyone! Life doesn't work like that. Tell dm you gave the lot to a dcat's shelter and to never mention it again..

Lots of people are like this! Looking for someone to blame when they are crap with money .Of course she is being ridiculous .I would say "Look Mum we had some money from Grandad at the time yes, however siblings have had holidays and SD money " Leave it at that ,if she says anything again repeat and repeat!

So your younger siblings had a dad in their life constantly to support and raise them the whole way through and your mum is giving you a hard time over £2K. After she re-married and obviously did better financially, what did she do to support / save for her younger kids. Your mother is so selfish and I cant believe that she is putting this back on you. FFS

I was going to say the exact same thing. She's awful, you didn't have a dad and got 2k. Does she think this is fair? In fact I would give her the 2k back and go LC with her.

Ignore your mother, she sounds awful.

Your mum is behaving terribly. Most people would appreciate receiving anything. Please ignore her. Don’t get involved in any discussions about it. And your grandparents sound absolutely lovely.

I was wondering this as well. Your dm sounds grabby and entitled, I would just shut down the conversation if she brings it up again. £2k is very little money, considering that she and your step dad frittered away £100k!!

How much money are you actually talking about, as you say that your half siblings received some money, but not as much as you and your db?

WTF? Tell her it's nothing to do with you and if she has any gripes to take it up with her parents.

Well, you could take it up with Grandpa. I'm sure there's a Ouija board around somewhere...