To ask how to deal with MIL favouring other GC over my Dc

[planetme]

MIL never bothers with our 3dc age 16, 12 and 8. She is not interested. It's always us making the effort to see her and if we ever need babysitting it seems like it's very hard work 😓 and when she's occasionally had them she usually lets us down in some way. so we rarely ask

That would be fine because of course some people aren't natural grandparents

However - she has looked after my SILs 3 dc (6,4,2) from pretty much birth onwards, she has them full time while SIL works. Plus babysits often at weekends so sil can have nights out etc. SIL is expecting dc4 now as well, no doubt knowing full well her life will barely be interrupted as mil will help with that one too

plus mil takes them on holiday and attends all their birthdays etc, sees them on Christmas Day - she has never done this with mine

I honestly don't understand what is wrong with my DC that she is so disinterested 😞.
Sad thing is mine are old enough to see it now and I do worry in case it affects them

It affects my relationship with dh a bit too as he won't ever say anything to her. I understand that if he did it probably would not change anything but I don't know how he can sit and accept his own kids being second class citizens in his mums eyes
And if this was my parents favouriting other gc over mine then I would say something

Exactly!! On an individual incident level each act of favouritism would look petty to comment on and we would just look jealous and pathetic. my SIL’s would be outraged because as far as their experience goes she’s a wonderful grandparent so they just wouldn’t see it.

Add those constant incidences up over 16 years and it builds to a fair amount of resentment! But yes best to keep mouth shut!

Oh I totally get this

The other week we were at another relatives (my BIL) and mil rocked up,other grandkids in tow OF COURSE 🙄
She Hadn't seen my kids for six months, remarked, oh my goodness havent they all changed they're so tall

I felt like saying oh I dunno I see them all the time can't really tell, suppose if you don't see a kid for absolutely ages the changes are more obvious (but I managed to bit my tongue lol)

*but managed to bite my tongue

(Posted too soon )

She rocked up to drop off birthday money for ds last week and passively aggressively handed over some dog treats that were out of date and said (to the dog not me) “I thought I’d better bring these as they are out of date and you don’t visit me on your walks anymore”

she actually seemed more disappointed about not seeing the dog than the kids!

next time dont

😂😂😂😂😂 absolutely love how she passively aggressively expressed her annoyance via the dog

Yes the dog was all “Yay treats! I love you Nan”
Traitor 🙄

lol 😝

I didn't mean to post that quote without a comment - I'd written a comment as well but it hasn't shown up for some reason

Posting is weird today on here 🤷‍♀️

@WalkWithDignityAndPride that’s exactly what we did.
FIL and SMIL- sun shone of her DC and their offspring while ours didn't get a look.
Expectation was there but zero commitment.
Walked away after another incident and went NC as didn’t want DC to be treated so shoddily.DH was fuming.
Got smeared to all and sundry I suppose judging from sudden drop of fb interaction of everybody related. Blocked by PIL

It’s bliss! We’re not upset anymore, no running around people who don’t give a shit about us and no drama. I love it!
Our family consists of very close friends who are happy to keep in touch.

Life’s too short to waste it on people who don’t want to spend any time or make any effort with you regardless if they are related or not.
Find good ones and “adopt” them. The joy of friendship is fantastic

Many MIL’s favour their own DD’s children.

My MIL favoured unborn DGC of her DD over mine. I shit u not. When my eldest was born, she brought out my DH’s baby clothes and toys to show me, then told me she was keeping it for her DD’s DC, not mine. She used to go through my things and said she wanted it for her DD when she had kids. She used to tell me all the time what she was going to do for her other DGC when she got them.

In 16 years she has begrudgingly babysat once.

My SIL is pushing 50 and has no DC. My MIL wasted all that time on these figments of her imagination. My DC have very little relationship with MIL/FIL and prefer my side.

I do hope neither of them expect me or any of my DC to look after them in their old age. If I am lucky enough to be a gran I will go to great pains to treat them all equally.

@ChocolatRaisins

My SIL is pushing 50 and has no DC. My MIL wasted all that time on these figments of her imagination. My DC have very little relationship with MIL/FIL and prefer my side.

Oh that is glorious. As she sewed (sp?) she has certainly reaped. Does the heart good to read such things on a Friday morning (not the negative comments she made or the heartache you suffered for your DC, of course).

Thx Walk.

My MIL is certainly reaping what she has sown. I did used to facilitate a relationship with her when my DC were younger to keep the peace, but not now. As teenagers they don't want to go see them or have them over and so I no longer make an effort.

My MIL is very big on family, so she says....hmmmm and so we are expected to attend extended family gatherings and there are a few things coming up which she will have a hissy fit over if her DGC are not on parade there, but I am not going. Oh, there will be consequences. But what are they? Will she not babysit for me? Will she not help out with school runs or come over to help in an emergency or when I am ill? There are no consequences that directly affect me, because she has never helped us out and now I no longer need any help.