To think these jokes from friends are getting old

[Makingplansfornigel1]

Several years ago I had a couple of habits/ways of doing things that my friends found amusing, which is fair enough.
I haven't done any of those things for at least 3 years now though but some friends still bring it up when we're all together. I laugh along but inside I just don't see the point and think it's getting old.
We were all together on Saturday for the first time in a few months and it was mentioned again. "Makingplansfornigel1" does X virtually every week." "Makingplansfornigel1 1 is constantly doing X, I can't keep up!" "I've lost count of how many times makingplansfornigel1 has done x".

It's been mentioned a few times now and as I said I haven't done it in over 3 years. It's not the end of the world just slightly irritating. We're in our early 30s too.
I did try to justify myself in a non confrontational way saying I hadn't done it, but they didn't really seem to take it on board.

Another thing is that I change things more often than they do, whether that be hairstyle, job, home, etc. It's just who I am, whereas most of these friends have been in the same role for over 5 years, same hairstyle since 20s etc. And that is also fine.
But it's commented on every time. I don't even change that often, but it's always comments about how "you always do that, I can't keep up with you and what job you do etc.
Am I too sensitive?

Perfect response! 🤣

I agree with this. Although it might feel a bit awkward, this is best handled swiftly and abruptly to make it clear you don't find it funny and want them to stop e.g. tell them it's getting boring/change the record and then you change the subject.

IME this should get the message across... I had a friend who kept bringing up how socially awkward I was/am. Whilst this was somewhat true, I have matured a lot, and so was offended when she responsed to news that I had been promoted at work by saying 'but I can't imagine you as a manager, you're so awkward!'. Decided to nip it in the bud there and then, we moved on quickly and she's never said it again.

I have this with a group of friends I went to school with. Ie once I snogged Ben Smith on the dance floor of the school disco and it gets brought up all the time. Despite that in the 20-25 years between then I’ve done a few other things of note (y’know, family, career stuff).

I keep them at arms length tbh, we don’t have much in common anymore so I think the trip down memory lane is what keeps everyone bonded.

It’s jealousy and they’re boring

time to develop a habit of changing your friends?

This is the case in my friendship group. But it's two way, everyone cops their share of lighthearted abuse. Occasionally I cringe at some the university stories of bad behaviour being recounted in front of my teenagers but I take it in the way it's intended - good-natured banter between close friends.

Sorry to go against the flow but I don't think a bit of teasing about your phone number changes is too bad. Some of the stories told from our younger years are mortifying but I try to see the funny side.

They sound very boring people. Is that literally all they can talk about? Think I'd start yawning by now when they mention it and start joining clubs to make new friends.

My husband had this with a group of his old friends, particularly one who never left their home town and is a real "small town girl" who hasn't achieved much personal growth, or seen many changes in her life, since they were teenagers.
There were constant references to what a wreck-head my husband is, how clumsy he is, how he's always breaking bones, how he's useless with money.
But the thing is, at 40, none of these things have been true for at least 15 years!
She even text on his 40th birthday to say, in a group chat, "even though you're 40, you'll always be that clumsy teenager to me" - and we thought, yes, because you won't accept anyone growing and changing!
He now just texts her occasionally, but keeps her at arms length otherwise.

It's not on its own but this teasing is only directed at me as opposed to anyone else in the group. And it's not just that it's comments like "you're always moving house! I can't keep up with what work you do! Etc.

And no it's not that bad but as I said it's mentioned constantly yet it hasn't happened on my part for years, so it's just boring .

I had friends who were constantly joking about my self destructive lifestyle after I'd had a nervous breakdown. Even when I went for dinner with them 6 years after the events, they were still laughing with each other and making me feel like shit about it.
They are no longer my friends 😁

Why do people set the bar so low when it comes to friendships and other relationships? If they upset you and get at you like this why are you friends with them? Most school friendships of big groups of girls are toxic when they are teenagers. Why would you want to continue that into adulthood?

They sounds really sad, boring and insular. I've moved house about 30 times in my life. God knows what my friends must say about me. 🤨😂

I have something similar with moving house a lot in the past 6 or 7 years (pretty much every year). Some of those moves have been huge expensive mistakes, one broke my heart. Friends know this but still find it very amusing to talk about how they need extra space in the address book, can't keep track, how long are you staying this time etc. It totally hacks me off to be honest and I find any suggestion that we might not stay where we currently are very upsetting as I can't cope with the stress of another move and I'm finally finding the strength to put my heart into this place. People have no idea.

“You keep trotting out these same shit one liners about stuff I did few times many years ago and you won’t be getting the new number next time. Hahaha!”

I had a friend like this from university - she used to comment that I ‘always’ broke my phone - NO I DON’T!

Thing is, it's part of the group identity. It's what makes you all different from 'non friends'. As time goes on, the things that connected you initially change so you hang on ever tighter to the in jokes.

In jokes are never actually funny. They just unify the group, intensify the feeling of being part of something special.

Can you think of other things the group share, which aren't the need to have kept up with your ever changing phone numbers? If you keep bringing those up, they'll need the phone number thing less.

I think there’s a big difference between reminiscing and bringing up old jokes, and refusing to acknowledge that you’re not that person now. When old friends catch up we might joke about how X used to be such a party animal, but in the context of X now being a mother of two who spends more time at 5th birthday parties than down the pub. Also if the unfunny jokes are just directed at one person that kind of singling out isn’t nice.

This happens to me too and I find it so irritating. If it's people you've known since your youth I think there is a tendency to "keep you in the role" that you once seemed to have. I'm not sure I'm explaining it properly. But as a child/ young adult I was hugely disorganised, always daydreaming, not good at "applying myself" despite having a good brain. My ingrained role in the family was therefore the hopeless one/ the disappointment. My younger sister was very academic and studious, top grades etc and was considered the successful one/high achiever. Many years later I was diagnosed with adhd which explains my difficulties. I've actually done all right and I'm a partner in a city law firm. My sister has a part time job and hasn't really known what to do with herself once out of the world of education, so our roles kind of reversed. But the narrative in the family is still that I am hopeless! I actually had some therapy a few years ago and that was one of the revelations.

I've also experienced other people doing it later in life. I had a boss once who would identify a "vice" for each member of the team and make it a running joke. At one event a team member happened to arrive first at a buffet table so his very tedious joke forever after was that she was greedy. (N.B. she was slim and he was very overweight.) We had flexible hours and I'd often choose to work 10-6 as I went to college in the evenings and was often tired in the morning. His quip about me was that I was "lazy". It really started to grate as I did as much work as everyone else as well as doing a law diploma at night school. In the end I snapped and told him so. He was all huffy and "you have no sense of humour" about it but I'm glad I said something.

TLDR: YANBU to find it annoying but it does happen a fair bit. I don't want to use the mumsnet adage of "maybe they're jealous" of your exciting, varied life history ... but maybe they are!

Dh used to do this though it didn't have the teasing of your friends. The only way I stopped him was by assertively challenging him back. What do you mean by always? I haven't done x for x years. So it's not always is it? Please stop staying that. It's not true.

I had to be really firm. My brother used to make the same non funny jokes every time I saw him. It was tedious. I pushed back hard by asking him why he was so obsessed with what I did and maybe it was him interested in moving houses. I also firmly told him to change the tape and assertively said it was an old joke and no longer funny.

I can imagine it'd be harder to do this when out socialising with friends. Can you address this with the chief stirrer 1-1 or are one of the group your actual friend who would defend you if you tell them separately how much you hate this.

This is why we need new friends throughout our lives - you need to meet the people who see you for who you are today

Yes I can understand how irritating this is. My Sil would bring up the severe social anxiety I suffered from as a teenager at every bloody opportunity ie "you used to hide in the bathroom for hours every time I came around ha ha". My poor mental health was due to family scapegoating as a child. Funny huh? Fortunately I don't see the nasty piece of work anymore. She's alienated both of my brothers sisters with her behaviour. With hindsight I can see it was her lack of self esteem that wanted to put me down. I have met other people like this, the ones that joke at your expense.

Unfortunately you can get stuck in these roles with certain people. You are likely to be labelled as oversensitive if you complain. Distance is the best defence.

Yes, I have something similar. It's something I'm really sensitive about but instead of finding it funny I just wish I could crawl and hide under a rock. I have ADHD and it's a side effect of that.

One friend constantly commented on an aspect of our house. She no longer gets invited here now.

Lots of people with similar experiences here @Makingplansfornigel1
I know that doesn’t solve your problem but at least know you are not alone.

I can also relate to this. I was always the one in the group who was either single or in a miserable relationship and that was always the butt of jokes, even though my circumstances caused me a lot of unhappiness over the years.

As others have described it was always ‘oh well, you know what Cottage is like’, eye roll/ snigger.

I don’t really see this group anymore- not because of that- we’ve drifted apart. But I don’t miss being the one that gets made fun of at all.

50 years ago, I forgot my purse on a family night out. All my family still take the p whenever I get my purse out. 'Look at the moths' being the favourite. I just roll with it.