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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not be able to stop eating, feel like a total failure

52 replies

MisterRee · 09/05/2022 22:14

Have been trying to lose weight my whole life for the past year and all I’ve done is gain weight!
found it incredibly hard after my 2nd child, I’m early 40’s now with 2 primary age kids.
I am probably 3 stone overweight I want to be. I feel so disappointed in myself but for some reason I can’t seem to control myself at times, I don’t eat terribly bad in the day but come the evening when kids are in bed, I just feel peckish and enjoy the feeling of being full up/ enjoy eating. This may sound greedy or ‘unreasonable’ to you and maybe it is but I don’t know how to get out of this mental rut.
ps. I have a bad knee so am scared to do strenuous cardio, however I do walk a lot so I’m not sedentary as such.

OP posts:

frostytimes · 09/05/2022 22:17

I don't have any answer but I'm in the same boat and getting so down.
I have zero motivation for weight loss and especially any exercise.

Antarcticant · 09/05/2022 22:19

Not your fault. The book 'Why We Eat Too Much' by Andrew Jenkinson will explain this and there is a thread on MN if you want to follow the suggested way of eating. I lost 4 stone. Best of luck

Hankunamatata · 09/05/2022 22:22

I was the same and still am I bit but Iv found fasting and calories restriction works best for me at the moment. I cant have treats or nice stiff without binging

Original poster

MisterRee · 09/05/2022 22:32

Antarcticant · 09/05/2022 22:19

Not your fault. The book 'Why We Eat Too Much' by Andrew Jenkinson will explain this and there is a thread on MN if you want to follow the suggested way of eating. I lost 4 stone. Best of luck

Thank you, can you link the thread please

OP posts:

lightisnotwhite · 09/05/2022 22:38

You lose weight when it feels right to lose weight. Normally you have to be very positive and want a change or very miserable and unable to help not eating.
Regardless if you can get alone ok being whatever weight you are (despite not liking the look) you probably won’t shift it.

I’d do a serious low carb diet for two weeks and see how you feel, You’ll either be delighted at the 10lb loss and stop snacking or use it to catch up on the foods you couldn’t have last the last fortnight. If the latter is the case work out what you are looking to replace; sleep, friends, proper relaxing or a fulfilling life etc.

Antarcticant · 09/05/2022 22:42

Here you go @MisterRee

www.mumsnet.com/talk/weight_loss_chat/4452191-Why-We-Eat-Too-Much-Thread-5

Hadalifeonce · 09/05/2022 22:43

My DH is suffering very bad mental health currently, and I have become his carer. I realised I was comfort eating, I have eaten 4 hot cross buns in one hit; large family packs of sweets, barely stopping for breath. I realised the only way I would stop was to stop buying things like that. It is really tough not to put lovely stuff in my trolley, but if I can avoid it for the half hour in the shop, it means I can't eat it at home.

Bringonsummer19 · 09/05/2022 22:43

Couldn’t agree with you more op. I use to be so disciplined and now well I am not?

Fernsinthegarden · 09/05/2022 22:51

God I hear you OP, I feel that I’m in a really similar place to you. I am quite active but my diet really lets me down, I’ve just started logging my food in MyFitnessPal and that is a small change that’s made me be really honest with myself and seeing exactly where I’m going wrong in the day. I’m definitely terrible in the evening - eat nothing much during the day and then scouring the cupboards at night. I think it’s because I’m ‘off’ where I’ve been on with the kids all day and so busy and I have to fill the silence iyswim? I’ve been using a meal replacement at night recently because I find it so much easier if the choice is taken away from me and I don’t have to think about food all the time!

narcdad · 09/05/2022 23:15

Same here, 2 primary aged kids, mid 40's 4st overweight and an secret evening eater 🙈
I'm trying to train myself to go to bed earlier and plan big healthy meals of an evening so I feel full, often eat very little in the day as so busy.

More sleep - less time to eat

narcdad · 09/05/2022 23:16

The early to bed training not worked tonight though 😬

Fidodidit · 10/05/2022 01:08

I lose weight if I try not to eat until lunch time. Gives my body a bit of fasting time and morning isn’t so bad for me because it’s when i’m most busy with other distracting things. Eaten too much carby rubbish lately as well so very dark chocolate is the only treat at the moment.

ashitghost · 10/05/2022 01:12

I have tried everything, including wasting £6k on gastric balloons. I’m now using Saxenda and it has hugely depleted my interest in food. Steadily losing weight.

herecomesyour19thnervousbreakdown · 10/05/2022 01:25

I am up late at night worrying about this too
Am three stone over where I want to be
Was googling shake diets for a sharp shock but worry about what that tells my kids

Hearmeroar2 · 10/05/2022 01:33

I'm on a weight loss journey and a great piece of advice that had worked for me is not to try not to snack, but change what I snack on. So rather than crisps, grab a handful of carrot sticks for the crunchyness, instead of sweets, a bowl of mandarins, instead of toast slice up some apple. It's working well for me since I'm not "depriving" myself and saying I can't eat, instead I'm choosing to eat but make better choices. It's been a game changer!

MoreProseccoNow · 10/05/2022 08:19

@ashitghost - that's good - sounds interesting- is it in the NHS?

Bookworm20 · 10/05/2022 09:38

Firstly, you are not a failure. Just re-set and start again. Do that as many times as you need to, but don't give up.

Sounds like the evening eating is whats pulling you down. Its likely the habit thats causing it, as opposed to anything else. So thats what you need to break and then you're half way there.
forget exercise to start with, we all hate that and its something you can take up later on once you've sorted the evening eating part.
So, if you eat when the dc are in bed, I assume its hard to pop out to the shops to buy food? So first thing is to not have anything tempting in the house at all. The DC will cope with no biscuits/crisps, instead get in fruit, nuts, things like that so if you really need to eat, its at least something healthy. Once your evening habit is broken you can then trust to have that other stuff back in the house, if you want to.
Also try to break your regular evening routine. Do different things in the evenings to what you'd be doing normally. Anything thats different.

Another thing you could do is write a weekly meal plan, and stick to it. list out everything you will eat and when. I am someone who works much better when stuff is written down, as I then tend to stick to it. Without an actual plan of whats for dinner I am very guilty of just thinking, oh I can't be bothered to figure out what to do for dinner, we'll just have pizza. and then because we had pizza I'll think I may as well have the chocolate then as I've screwed up with the pizza and there begins the evening of guilt.

Other than that, you need to find your inner willpower. Its there somewhere and once you get started it will increase ten fold.

wouldthatbeworse · 10/05/2022 10:21

I’ve just listened to the brain over binge audiobook. Although there is some pseudoscience in there the concept is really interesting. It’s too early for me to say for sure but I think it might be working.

the tricky bit is you have to stop dieting (quite hard after 30 years!) eat enough and then learn to ignore the ‘junk thoughts’ that are telling you to eat when you don’t need to. If you’re starving hungry it is many times harder to not snack in the evening. But it’s about living a life at peace with good rather than losing weight but logically the weight loss should come with time.

Original poster

MisterRee · 10/05/2022 11:28

Thank you all for your comments, support and suggestions, I am resetting today.
i have a habit I guess of watching my fave tv when all kids in bed and then snacking. Sometimes it’s worse when my partner wants a treat because he does this once a week but he has a lot of discipline and eats really well all week to counter act the treats.

I just am so easily swayed by tasty treats. I have zero willpower so I need to find it.

OP posts:

SleeplessInEngland · 10/05/2022 12:25

Do you have the time/money to join a gym? Cardio and weights won't help you lose much weight but the psychological effect of wanting to eat well in conjunction with workouts can be a great help.

BusterGonad · 10/05/2022 15:04

MisterRee · 10/05/2022 11:28

I just am so easily swayed by tasty treats. I have zero willpower so I need to find it.

I'm going to reset tomorrow, the millionth reset but here it goes. I'm going to buy some nice herbal teas. They always help me fill a hole when I'm craving sweet treats.

FourChimneys · 10/05/2022 15:07

Clean your teeth when your DC do, then don't eat anything until breakfast. I don't eat after 1.30 pm twice a week and it really helps to control weight.

Sunshineandrainbow · 10/05/2022 15:15

I know how you feel but have 8 stone to lose. I have done every diet going including meds from GP. And constantly think about food.
Twice in the last year a patient at work has commented on my weight which has devastated me.
In the evenings I can easily eat toast family size crisps, biscuits and chocolate and I don't even think about it.
This week I have started tracking everything on fat secret app and it is really helping me.
Evenings I have been having ryvita with slither of spread cheese and pickle and apple with peanut butter.
Very early days but I need to keep going

PakkaMakka · 10/05/2022 15:17

As you get older your metabolism slows down, which is a big factor in why we put on weight. What would have been maintenance calories a few years ago now is an amount that will cause us to gain, hence it gets so much harder (our intake, portion sizes etc are often ingrained habits)
However that metabolism issue something that can be changed. Metabolism is basically another way of saying how much muscle we have. The reason why metabolism varies from person to person is because of how much muscle they have, and the amount naturally decreases with age.

If you can do any resistance training - basically, using bodyweight exercises or weights to build muscle - your body will need more calories just to get through the day. That is a much easier way of living than trying to restrict lower and lower every year. If it's safe for you to do (ie confirming with a doctor) then it is definitely worth looking at.

All the diet recommendations here - low carb, fasting, choice swapping - are all methods to reduce your overall daily calorie intake. Which is fine, if that's the route you want to try - just be aware there's no magic in any of them, they are just ways to reduce the overall calorie amount that have worked for different people.

I'm a snacker, and one thing I would recommend is seeing if you can eat more protein before you snack. Eg at your evening meal, if you're likely to snack after. Protein (meat/eggs/fish/legumes etc) is very filling and can help reduce how much you feel comfortable snacking on. Try adding more protein to your meal than you think you need, and try eating that part of your meal first. You might find your snack tendencies start to reduce a little.

PansyPetunia · 10/05/2022 15:19

ashitghost · 10/05/2022 01:12

I have tried everything, including wasting £6k on gastric balloons. I’m now using Saxenda and it has hugely depleted my interest in food. Steadily losing weight.

I'm also on saxenda and it's shifting very very easily

Tried every diet and trick going over the years too

I'm 2 and 1/2 stone down now in 8 weeks! It's scary at how effective it's been for me

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