Aibu to not be able to stop eating, feel like a total failure

[MisterRee]

Have been trying to lose weight my whole life for the past year and all I’ve done is gain weight!
found it incredibly hard after my 2nd child, I’m early 40’s now with 2 primary age kids.
I am probably 3 stone overweight I want to be. I feel so disappointed in myself but for some reason I can’t seem to control myself at times, I don’t eat terribly bad in the day but come the evening when kids are in bed, I just feel peckish and enjoy the feeling of being full up/ enjoy eating. This may sound greedy or ‘unreasonable’ to you and maybe it is but I don’t know how to get out of this mental rut.
ps. I have a bad knee so am scared to do strenuous cardio, however I do walk a lot so I’m not sedentary as such.

And yes, protein is key

Really fills you up

Echoing everyone talking about protein on here.

I used to think I had to 'cut carbs' in order to lose weight, but actually for me it's been about changing proportions and eating more protein - the amount of carbs reduces on its own.

I have a coffee first thing, then a chocolate protein shake blended with a banana and almond milk at about 11am. That keeps me full until about 2:30 / 3pm, when I'll have some chicken or salmon, rice and greens, and then that keeps me full until evening, when I do my bodyweight workout.

I tend to work out at about 6:30pm, and once I've done that I've not really much appetite – all my body seems to crave is water and maybe some carrots and hummus or something a bit crunchy.

My sugar cravings have all but disappeared and I'm not filling my evenings with food any more.

I've lost 5 kilos in the last 3 weeks like this and I'm amazed at how much more consistently and calmly I'm eating.

I was in your situation in early January. 3.5 stone overweight, I walked a fair amount but no other exercise and my fitness levels were appalling. I ate a lot of shit tbh, I was worst in the evening when the DC were in bed and DH and I would crack out secret chocolate bars or things like Belgian buns. Portions were also out of control, I just ate way too much.

Lost almost all of the weight now, just a few pounds to go. It’s taken a lot of willpower but you do have to really want it in order to succeed. I was sick of hating the way I looked tbh and a major wake up call was attempting junior park run (2km) with my DC in January, I could only run for 3 minutes before I felt like my whole chest was caving in. I started couch to 5k the next day and I now run 6.5km 3 times a week. I log all calories on MFP and aim to stick to 1500 max a day. I lift weights twice a week and do HIIT 3 times a week too plus yoga.

I’ve gone from a size 18 to 12 and feel way better about myself. I’m 5 ft 7 for reference so a size 12 is right for me, my BMI is almost healthy now too (was obese when I started). You can do it if you really want to, I promise it isn’t impossible.

Cardio and weights won't help you lose much weight

Nonsense, of course it helps you lose weight because it burns a lot of calories! Cardio and weight lifting are actually the best ways to lose weight as well as lowering your intake of calories. You won’t lose weight if you eat 3000 calories a day and only burn 500 for example but if you’re eating 1500 like I do and burning a solid 600-800 through exercise every day then yes, you’ll lose weight and fast too. I’ve dropped 3 stone 3 lbs since January 3rd thanks to cardio like running and HIIT and lifting.

Don't try any fad diets, shakes, restrictions etc. You will just set yourself up to fail. Get rid of all junk food in your cupboards. If it's not there you can't eat it. Replace with fruit, nuts, and other healthy snacks. And I agree, make protein your friend (real protein like lean meat/fish, not powders).
Could some of these feelings of wanting to eat in the evening stem from boredom? When the kids are in bed, don't sit in front of the TV. Do an exercise routine (free on YouTube or you can download Les Mills online). There are plenty of low impact options. Try swimming - torches calories and good for your joints. You can do this OP.

Interested in this thread. I started doing weights at gym twice a week and try to do 5k twice a week too (all I can manage with time really) but it just make me so hungry that I end up eating more to compensate. It is genuine hunger too. I'm still the same weight and now look butch because I've got muscles! I've been pretty lucky throughout life as apart from childhood I've been quite small, just piled on in late thirties after second child, so not sure how to deal with this. I eat fairly healthily, just probably too much, but it is because I'm feeling hungry. I'm trying to serve food in a smaller plate too.as my portions have always been quite generous.

Where do you get that injection pen from? I take it that it's prescription only? I'm not technically over weight, just want to lose a stone of belly flab and bingo wings, so not sure they would prescribe me it.

I think this is the issue for me. I would literally be starving on 1500 cal's a day with exercising. How do you stop yourself getting hungry?

Don't buy it... .get stuff for the kids you are not too bothered by. Ask your dh to support you by not buying certain things or eating it at work.
Its resetting habits for me. It also can take two weeks for the scales to start moving so sometimes I give up quickly. I try and tell myself a disappointing result on the scales means try harder not give up. It's tough but only you can change it. Good luck

No advice I'm afraid, but I came to tell you that you @MisterRee are not a failure! We all have challenges in life, and although they are not the same we still struggle on the same!

Only two things really work for me.
1: Just don't buy the trigger foods.
2: If it's just the sensation of eating you want, channel your eating into healthier alternatives. One of my favourite "tv snacks" is sliced cucumber, topped with a tiny sliver of cheese.

I really wholeheartedly recommend Slimming World. You can eat loads on it and not be hungry and the groups are really supportive. Best of luck.

Am in a similar boat. My MH isnt great, so my eating is particularly poor.

What is Saxendo for those on it? I haven't heard of it before..

Paul McKenna's 'I can make you thin' app is working for me. The focus is on getting your head thinking better, rather than about a diet. Might be worth a go.
I've also had a bit of an epiphany in the last week or so that I am in control of this. Which sounds stupidly obvious but I'm using it as a bit of a mantra to remind myself that I really can do this (this being about 7 stone to lose 😫).

You might not lose thecweight nut you will swap fat gor muscle and lose inches

Saxenda is a weight loss drug which reduces hunger. Very very difficult to get on nhs

Very expensive but is available via private prescription if you fit the criteria

Really effective.... just not hungry really. It's a teeny injection daily which you don't feel. Work up through dosage system and calorie count/exercise as you normally would

Ok thank you. Will look into it. Have 5 stone to lose, and I am really struggling for motivation.

I eat well all day, cook healthy, wholesome meals then eat and eat and eat when the kids are in bed. Often it’s not what I’m eating, because I don’t buy junk, but the quantities.

i listened to a hypnotherapy thing the other day and that has helped. I feel more in control.

I have realised I have an eating disorder. I was bulimic when I was younger I now just binge eat.

With regards to evening snacking I used to be terrible. I started only eating fruit and veg in the evenings, so would eat loads of satsumas and carrots, but then as my sweet tooth reduced I've managed to stop eating after dinner at 6.

I think slow and steady is the best, tweaks to your diet and routine instead of big changes that you change back again when you've lost some weight.

I'm in your shoes, with 2 little kids and around 3 stone to lose. I have made a good start though since I started trying a few weeks ago and have lost half a stone already!
So basically I've been buying calorie controlled ready meals. Not the healthiest things in the world, but better than the junk I have been eating... and easy. I'm ordering my food online (when I'm full not hungry) so I'm not tempted to buy junk in the shop. I found i have been habit eating- so I've replaced by evening snack with a bath and then a teapot full of tea in front of the TV. Sliced apple sprinkled with cinnamon if I still want something to eat. The trick for me is not allowing myself to go hungry, so I'm eating boiled eggs for breakfast which I find more filling than carbs, a banana as a snack, a salad or sandwich (check the calories to make sure not above approx 400) for lunch, a small snack mid afternoon, then my ready meal in the evening (which is when I know I'm most likely to crack).
I feel a lot better in myself, which is helping. I went to thr shop this eve and didn't feel the urge to buy and eat junk!
Set a date, maybe the day after tomorrow, throw out the unhealthy food (or donate it to a food bank), get a big healthy food order in, and begin!

Read Fast, feast, repeat. Explains it all really well and in particular why diets and willpower don’t work.
Ive just started intermittent fasting on the back of it and feel really positive (early days though).

Where do you get Saxenda from?

The calories in/calories out way of looking at weight loss is too simple.

I do the same as @Squillerman and you get used to being hungry. It can be hard (I'm sat here starving tonight!) but I'd rather reap the benefits of exercise and a low calorie diet than eat chocolate all night.

OP In addition to sticking to a low calorie diet and hammering the gym, I only eat between 12-8pm. This means that even if I'm hungry sat watching TV in the evening, I can't eat as it's out of my 'window'.

I agree, a little of all the suggestions you've had here, added in where you can op.

Not buying the unhealthy food
Lots of protein and water
Changing up evening routine in general
Healthy/low cal snacks
Whole foods
No unhealthy dips or sauces
Create calorie deficit
Don't worry about major excersice changes
Be kinder to yourself

hi op, in a similar situation to you! As a LP i'm alone on my own in evenings, can't escape and want to snack. also find it difficult to be around carb heavy foods my kids love (fussy, won't eat low carb stuff I want to eat!). It was so much easier to control food issues when I didn't have kids. I've recently done the following: signed up for this Slimpod hypnosis thing. it's a 9 minute track you listen to daily which seems to work (so far so good). Watched this guy's fasting videos and committed to two 24hr fasts each week (evening to evening the next day). Doing it on a busy day where I am out of the house makes it easier, and if I get hungry I drink black coffee or tea or water. Then I spend some time preparing the nice food I will eat when it's over, try to make it something special and healthy to look forwards to. I bought an airwalker thing that lives in my living room and committed to 1 minute on it each day. It's low impact so not bad for joints. Slowly building up and the tiny commitment means I do it ok each day (I'm doing 2 x 4 mins a day at the moment). All quite unorthodox, but the fasting means I worry less about what I eat on non-fasting days and have more freedom. I am hoping my habits will slowly change in general as I lose weight. So far so good! Worth a try. Good luck :)