Would you judge a friend who’s preschooler

[Isitjustmoi]

(NC)
had already had 3 fillings?

No I wouldn't, or I might initially but then I'd tell myself off for being presumptuous

Probably, quietly. If I knew them and knew what lead to it was what they were given, definitely. But I say this as a 40something with zero fillings...

No. There's all sorts of reasons baby teeth need extra help, shit parenting is just one of them.

Being judgemental helps no one.

No but I would judge the heck out of a friend who judged me for it. And no longer be their friend.

Five of my kids have no fillings at all and they're grown or almost grown. One of mine had enamel hypoplasia. I don't recall her having fillings as a preschooler but in early primary years, yes. She had an awful time. Thankfully the problem didn't carry to the adult teeth which have no fillings.

Unless I was absolutely certain that it was because of poor diet/hygiene, no.
could be any number of reasons.

Definitely. Very tabloidy.

FWIW my son had terrible reflux lasting until toddler hood. The acid causing by reflux affected the enamel on his teeth when testing.

He doesn't have three fillings and previous to this experience I would have judged. I am now more aware that other factors can cause this.

Some kids teeth are more predisposed to decay. Both of mine had fillings before they started school, but neither drank anything other than water and milk, pudding was only ever fruit etc. My DD in particular doesn’t even have a sweet tooth - doesn’t like chocolate, cake or biscuits. I make sure teeth are cleaned twice a day, but they still both had to have fillings. I, on other hand, have never had filling in my life. But I do have very weak gums - always seems to be one or the other.

Nah I wouldn’t. But equally I couldn’t give a fuck if someone judged me for that either

I would have until this thread. I haven't had a filling and I'm 34, so I find it pretty shocking when children have fillings.

I would assume there was a medical / genetic issue.

The only situation in which I would judge preschool fillings is if the mum proudly announces that she never brushes her kids teeth as she wants them to learn independence and they ‘usually’ remember to do it. I know a mum who says that and her kids have lots of fillings already 😔

I think the same. I'm a similar age and have no fillings. I don't think I clean my teeth any better than the average person. I'm happy my DC at 10 and 15 don't have any either but I don't put it down to my superior parenting or anything!

My mother was all about that independence and just sent us off to brush our teeth at night. The dentist told her it was at least two years before we were ready to do it ourselves and she had to do it for us. She really complained about that to us that night. I had lots of fillings, sibling, none.

My DD had fillings in her baby teeth. I don't know why, but the enamel on her teeth was very thin. She's got her adult teeth now and the dentist is pleased with her dental hygiene so I don't expect she'll have future issues.
There can be any number of reasons for dental problems in preschoolers.

Only if I knew 100% it was the fault of the parent. if they were giving the child juice in bottles or fruit shoots every day, loads of sweets and not brushing their childs teeth. Otherwise, I'd assume it was medical issues as its pretty hard to rot a toddlers teeth if their everyday diet is normal and they are brushing regularly.

No because there are all sorts of reasons why a child would require fillings, at least they have visited a dentist to have said fillings and their teeth haven’t been left to rot. It isn’t always poor diet and lack of brushing. Also none of my business.

No, unless they obviously eat rubbish all the time. I don’t know the child’s medical history so no I would not.

No I wouldn't judge.

I have pretty crappy teeth, most likely related to coeliac disease. I've had to have two extracted in the past 2 years and I'm terrified I'm going to lose more and the prevailing wisdom that all dental issues are preventable/self inflicted really gets to me.

I would ask if there was a medical cause, and show interest in the child's health.

I am not sure I would judge a friend in the event it was down to neglect, I would assume they were not coping and not managing, and probably be around more to support and help (without saying why)

I did however feel really angry with a friend a few years ago, her 9 year old had to have 4 teeth removed because they were rotten. Not because of medical issue, simply because she and her dh were working 70 hours a week each and were simply not checking the basics (they are very far from the breadline) I wondered what else she was neglecting to do, she then complained that the dentist had said SS could be involved it the dental problems continued and she was furious. Totally missing the point of the pain and trauma that the child had to go through, which was unnecessary. Additionally, the teeth must have been very painful for months before the discovery.

We are not friends anymore, it upsets me too much. She has family nearby and hopefully they will take better care of the child.

If you know that someone allows their kids to drink endless amounts of coke, whilst gobbling down haribo and never brushes their kids teeth then I would find it hard not to judge. However, my 4 year old son has enamel hypoplasia and a number of his teeth are a real mess, which I am devastated about. I brush his teeth multiple times a day to try and protect them as much as possible but it's like fighting a losing battle. I have had people making judgements about my apparent poor parenting because of his teeth when in actual fact it's nothing to do with anything I have or haven't done.

It’s not just about cleaning your teeth and going to the dentist. That helps obviously. But seriously believing that the reason you and and your kids have X number of fillings you are incredibly naive.

Absolutely not. Everyone’s teeth are different and some peoples teeth are more prone to this, it’s like having blonde hair or brown eyes, it’s the way they are.

No, my sister had to have tons of antibiotics as a baby, really affected her adult teeth before they came through. I’m judging you right now for been a horrible friend

I almost cried from a quick scroll through with lots of yes responses. My little boy is two. I had a horrific HG pregnancy. Once born he spent ages in NICU. Has been on antibiotics pretty much continuosly since 15 months. For whatever reason he now has terrible teeth. We brush 3 times per day after the antibiotics. He has no juice. He has yogurt at nursery and a biscuit at playgroup once per week. So sad that so many would judge us. Thank you to those with more compassion and intelligence.