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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get irritated at MIL not spelling my name correctly

81 replies

teomama · 09/05/2022 18:47

My partner’s mother spells my name wrong all the time. I am not British, but my name is fairly common and popular European name. I use it to sign off my emails to her, it’s on my WhatsApp and her son spells it right when we text in the family group. We have two children together and still she fails to learn my name. I try not to bother, but it feels disrespectful. AIBU?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 09/05/2022 19:42

I'd probably be irritated but I wouldn't make an issue of it

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/05/2022 19:44

The OP has said the spelling of her name is almost literally in front of the MiL (in WhatsApp, emails etc).

That's absolutely nothing like calling somebody fat. Be careful you don't put your back out with that reach, FFS.

Yes, I agree - no memory is required, it's literally typing/writing what you are reading in front of you.

I don't know if it's the case at all here, but a 'surprising' number of British people would have no problem at all with a name like Jonathan or Catherine but 'suddenly' develop a complete inability to 'remember' how to spell much simpler names like Magda or Femi - I wonder why that may be....

There's no excuse for being fat either but memory problems are developmental so you are born with it, shoving cake in your mouth is self inflicted and IS your fault

That's just nasty. People can be overweight for many reasons, not all of them fully/at all self-inflicted. Katie Price's son Harvey, just for one, happens to be a very large man - do you hold him personally responsible for his size, in spite of the many health challenges that he and his mum have worked so hard to overcome?

How would you like it if somebody make a similar outrageous assumption and told you that you should stop smoking so much weed, as that would supposedly 'improve' your memory problems?

Beelezebub · 09/05/2022 19:45

Oh, spell hers wrong. Every time. And in a different way every time.

Athleticpotential · 09/05/2022 19:46

Have you ever told her?

I realised recently that I've been spelling one of my best friend's surname wrong for years. The the name of a British town and that's how I write it, but the name is spelt differently. She's never mentioned it and I've carried on spelling it the way I "knew". I probably have seen it written correctly several times, but never noticed.

TabithaTittlemouse · 09/05/2022 19:48

surprisedinner · 09/05/2022 19:29

There's no excuse for being fat either but memory problems are developmental so you are born with it, shoving cake in your mouth is self inflicted and IS your fault so why would you pull someone up on a disability but someone being overweight is not to be mentioned because they may be offended.

????

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 09/05/2022 19:48

My DPs family spell her youngest son name wrong all the time. Absolutely stupid and beyond irritating

weegiemum · 09/05/2022 19:48

My fil is from Europe and always insisted he was a bit quirky because of this. To be more realistic, he was very up himself, thought he knew people better than they knew themselves (was an academic psychologist) and used to spell my name wrong or use my middle name or a diminutive of either of my names that I'd never used. Drove me insane but we didn't see a lot of him so I let it slide.

He then started doing the same for our dc when they came along, and that was too much for me. Dh talked to him, no change. So I lost my shit with him over it one time as dd1 couldn't understand, at 3, why he wouldn't use her lovely name or that of her baby brother. I probably went off the deep end a bit, but it was years of resentment. Over a name, which seems ridiculous!!

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 09/05/2022 19:49

*our Youngest

weegiemum · 09/05/2022 19:49

Posted too soon. He never did it again.

frogleap · 09/05/2022 19:49

surprisedinner · 09/05/2022 19:11

Good job I'm not your mil I can never remember names not everyone has a good working memory why make a song and dance out of it. Would you if she was bad at maths?

Jeez that is one low bar you have!?!

iloveyankeecandle · 09/05/2022 19:50

Mine spells mine wrong all the time. I find it funny how she's friends with me on Facebook so could easily and quickly look it up to make sure it's spelt right in cards, but no.

TabithaTittlemouse · 09/05/2022 19:52

A relative always spells one of my dc names wrong. I correct them every time and they ignore it and continue to do it which irritates me.

Although my in-laws called me by Dh ex’s name for 6 months which was frustrating but they did have a reason so I corrected them but didn’t get angry.

You can’t not correct her! She might genuinely not realise!

MysticCT · 09/05/2022 19:57

My MIL used to spell my DH's name wrong,her own son.
She insisted that was the spelling,even though it completely changed the pronunciation and wasn't even a name. His birth certificate had the proper spelling and he'd always spelt it that way and so did other family members.
It used to annoy me a bit really.

BlueThursday · 09/05/2022 19:58

My own mother spells mine incorrectly. I’ve said countless times but she just continues

Giraffe888 · 09/05/2022 19:59

My sister in law spells mine wrong every time. Drives me mad!

KittyMcKitty · 09/05/2022 20:03

My entire husbands family spells my name wrong - it’s not that unusual and has two possible spellings both equally popular. I always spell my name correctly but they always respond with the incorrect spelling- I wonder if they think I’m not sure how to spell my own name? (I’ve been with my husband over 30 years so this has been going on a looooong time!)

UggyPow · 09/05/2022 20:10

I am a widow & my ‘in-laws’ still can’t be bothered to learn how to spell my name correctly & it’s not exactly difficult (think traditional English variants that can be with or without letters)
29 years & they still can’t get it right but then my daughter always used to get Easter eggs or presents that were what her cousins liked. (This is just the start of what they have to deal with)
Is it any wonder I have to persuade my teenagers to visit them🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😖

iklboo · 09/05/2022 20:19

FIL & his wife have yet to spell my perfectly normal English name correctly (they're also English) and I've known them 23 years. They got me a personalised pen once with completely the wrong name on.

Blarting · 09/05/2022 20:22

My name is six letters long and people spell it wrong, reduce it too 5 letters, drives me mad! Tell them, every time they spell it wrong!

MermaidEyes · 09/05/2022 20:28

My mother in law hasn't spelt my name right in 25 years. Her spelling of it wouldn't be out of place for a porn star. Dh and I laugh - every time.

Maestosa · 09/05/2022 20:29

Reading these comments, I feel extra guilty that my side of the family consistently get my husband's name wrong :(

MountainDewer · 09/05/2022 20:34

YANBU. It takes 2 secs to check!
have you pulled her up on jr

Lolllllllllllll · 09/05/2022 20:35

Unless you know that someone was deliberately spelling your name wring to irritate you I just can't understand why it annoys people so much. It really wouldn't bother me at all.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 09/05/2022 20:38

I really wouldn't get upset about this.

My in-laws frequently call my DH by his older brothers name (there's about 15 years between them!) and they regularly call me Lara instead of Clara*

*not my real name, but you get the gist.

iklboo · 09/05/2022 20:38

Unless you know that someone was deliberately spelling your name wring to irritate you I just can't understand why it annoys people so much. It really wouldn't bother me at all.

In family - and over many years - it smacks of them not giving a shit about you and that you're unimportant. It's rude.

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