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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you block for this?

59 replies

Bumblefumble1 · 08/05/2022 20:33

38 year old guy - I met him through a work thing last November - we messaged via instagram. 1st date was in January, 2nd date a week later. Anyway we continued to message and meet up a few times during February. No sex. I told him I would not want to have sex with someone who was not my boyfriend. That really was the last time I saw him face to face.

He messaged now and again but everytime we made plans he would cancel them. I think it got to the 2nd or 3rd time of that happening so I just cut my losses, accepted he was being weird (or was married) and blocked him on instagram/messenger. Just left it.

This morning he emailed me out of the blue (he had my email as he sent me a link to something) ‘ I take it your instagram is not working, I did try to message you. X’

I told a friend (guy friend may I add) who said you should never just block people without explanation. Now I feel really bad and I guess I am seeking validation I am not a bitch. I said that he had a few chances and the last time he cancelled on me was when I waiting on him; he cancelled offering no explanation and said ‘I will phone you at some point’.

Anyway. AIBU?

I have moved on from this guy and seeing another couple of people now - the email just came out the blue.

OP posts:

PrescriptionOnlyMedicine · 08/05/2022 20:38

I’d block his email as well. Don’t feel bad. He’s had his chance.

Honeyroar · 08/05/2022 20:44

I personally agree that it’s more dignified to just say “sorry I’m just not feeling it so am moving on” than to block, unless they’ve done something horrible. Other people will say you don’t owe him anything, which is also true.

Original poster

Bumblefumble1 · 08/05/2022 20:56

Honeyroar · 08/05/2022 20:44

My friend did say that too - and it is probably why I am looking for validation. I felt he was saying he was not interested with his actions which is how I am justifying it to myself.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 08/05/2022 20:57

No you do not owe him an explanation

Vsirbdo · 08/05/2022 20:59

If someone is messing you about I don’t see the issue in blocking and you don’t owe him an explanation. If he doesn’t understand why you’d do that it tells you a lot doesn’t it

PumpkinsandKittens · 08/05/2022 21:00

I would have just blocked tbh, no need to stay in contact

glebaisaword · 08/05/2022 21:01

You don't need to explain, he pissed you around! Why is he crawling back now? Block and keep on doing what you are doing, good on you for having standards. I see so many of my friends getting played about with stuff like that and they always give the benefit of the doubt to these guys who think they're owed.

worraliberty · 08/05/2022 21:02

You don't owe him an explanation but I'd take pleasure in letting him know my Instagram is fine, and that I've blocked him.

Starbucksbasic123 · 08/05/2022 21:02

Yes I would have blocked. You don’t need to give an explanation to block, perhaps if they considered your feelings they’d realise why you had blocked

Meowykitten · 08/05/2022 21:02

Vsirbdo · 08/05/2022 20:59

If someone is messing you about I don’t see the issue in blocking and you don’t owe him an explanation. If he doesn’t understand why you’d do that it tells you a lot doesn’t it

Yep. It goes no where with this type…

billy1966 · 08/05/2022 21:03

Any courtesy that might have been shown would have completely evaporated when he stood you up and said he'd phone you at some point?.

CF.

Dead right for blocking him.
Don't doubt yourself OP.

me4real · 08/05/2022 21:06

He was disrespectful/timewasting. Any convo about it would've been a waste of everyone's time. You don't owe someone who hasn't treated you particularly well anything. You're not obliged to phone him unless you want some further involvement with him. Just send him a mail now being straight about why you blocked him -if you want to. Further convos are literally just a waste of both your time

FOJN · 08/05/2022 21:13

You can block anyone for any reason you like. He had several chances and messed you around, you don't owe him an explanation and neither do you need to justify yourself to your friend.

YABU for using the word bitch. It's a deeply misogynistic word used to undermine women with boundaries and self respect.

mycatisannoying · 08/05/2022 21:16

I would never block without explanation, or calling someone out if their behaviour was questionable. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that myself.
There is NO question that you did the right thing in binning this guy off. But blocking is cowardly. Unfortunately however it does seem to be the modern way.

MrsTWH · 08/05/2022 21:20

You were right to bin him off in my
opinion, it clearly wasn’t going anywhere.

However unless he’d been offensive I’m not sure why you’d block really. If he’d messaged again a month later, I’d have just replied, “sorry this is clearly not going anywhere so let’s move on/draw a line under this.” And block if he then gets shirty. But you have every right to manage your social media and life in general the way you see fit.

KaraVanPark · 08/05/2022 21:24

I delete not block. I delete ex colleague who’ve I’ve not kept in touch with and neither have they. Give it a month then off they go. Don’t owe explanation.

LadyJGrey · 08/05/2022 21:25

You’re perfectly entitled to block. And I think his behaviour warranted it.
I’d actually now take some delight in telling him my Insta is perfectly fine, but I’d blocked him because my mantra is ‘don’t be a dick’ and he was. And then block him on email.

rainyskylight · 08/05/2022 21:28

Fair enough better to block with an explanation before it hadn’t stood you up first. He’ d already wasted your time massively with no explanation, no need to waste more by explaining why you won’t be in touch again.

yousexybugger · 08/05/2022 21:33

I think with dating, blocking is just a way of keeping the decks clear of those who have messed you about, even if they've done nothing terrible. After a couple of dates and a couple of cancellations there's not a lot to be said or formally ended. If they were bothered then they would've made it known, or given a good explanation, not cancelled repeated dates. Men who piddle about like this do have a tendency to drift back in touch but tbh they never seem more decisive or committed to pursuing things with you so might as well just reduce the drippy messages you receive. I'd ignore him. He hasn't come back with an explanation.

Concestor · 08/05/2022 21:35

Maybe I'm old but I just don't get all this blocking. Just tell people you don't want to hear from them and ignore any future messages. Blocking seems so juvenile to me unless the person is dangerous.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/05/2022 21:55

Yes, I think what you did was rude. I've just had one myself who cancelled two times. So I've sent a message 'this won't work for me, take care' blocking with no explanation is rude.

Giraffesandbottoms · 08/05/2022 22:03

MN is so weird about blocking people. IMO it’s quite a childish thing to do in these instances. I would just explain to him that he messed you around and stood you up and therefore you are no longer interested.

blocking is for people who are sending horrible messages etc. I don’t understand why people can’t just explain themselves like adults?

PonyPatter44 · 08/05/2022 22:05

He was horribly disrespectful, so no, i would not feel anything negative about blocking him.

icanonlydosomuch · 08/05/2022 22:55

Can't you just respond and say you blocked him as you don't put up with people messing you around!

Addicted2LuvIsland · 08/05/2022 23:09

You can block whomever you want. You owe this person nothing. I wouldn't let your friends comment get to you. Just carry on. I definitely wouldn't engage again you'll probably get more of the same x

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