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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with boss

78 replies

YeahIamdone2022 · 08/05/2022 08:33

So back story I had a big birthday this week and my DH bought me an expensive pair of designer shoes (around £650 for context) I work in the NHS so obviously didn’t wear them to work. A member of my team asked what I got and I said about shoes and she asked to see them so showed a photo.
Later was talking to my boss who said the admin lady was upset I discussed shoes as she earns a lot less then me and can’t afford them. While I appreciate and understand that my issue is A- I wasn’t even talking to her so she was eve’s dropping a conversation that she wasn’t party to as I wasn’t loud and she sits on another bank of desks
B- what other people have isn’t your concern and we all have different life’s, finances and situations and we shouldn’t police what people can talk about
i pointed out to my boss I have a SEN child so does that mean I can stop people talking about a good nights sleep as I haven’t had one in 9 years and she said well no. I also feel if the lady had talked me I would be more receptive not running to my boss like a child. I explained to my boss while I understand and accept what she is saying I do not agree that me talking about my present was wrong and that this is more the admin ladies issues than mine and walked out

OP posts:
MangoJuice008 · 08/05/2022 08:37

YANBU.

She shouldn't of eased dropped your conversation. I'd be careful around her in future she sounds like a trouble maker in all honesty.

balalake · 08/05/2022 08:39

The woman who does admin work (valuable, please don't look down upon her) would have had reason to be upset if you talked about it directly with her. Not otherwise.

I'd hope you would consider the low level of pay for some jobs an issue, when you come to vote.

sleepyduvetcat · 08/05/2022 08:40

What?! That is not your problem. People can spend their money however they choose.

Doyoumind · 08/05/2022 08:40

She needs to get a grip.

Original poster
YeahIamdone2022 · 08/05/2022 08:43

I don’t treat anyone any different for there pay grade and believe we need every single level and role so would never look down because she earns less

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 08/05/2022 08:45

What a twat, I hope you went back to her and told her so

GiltEdges · 08/05/2022 08:47

balalake · 08/05/2022 08:39

The woman who does admin work (valuable, please don't look down upon her) would have had reason to be upset if you talked about it directly with her. Not otherwise.

I'd hope you would consider the low level of pay for some jobs an issue, when you come to vote.

Christ, chip on your shoulder much? Confused

Even if she was talking directly to the person in question, if the OP is asked what she got for her birthday then she's perfectly entitled to respond honestly.

Original poster
YeahIamdone2022 · 08/05/2022 08:47

To be honest I was so shocked that I got moaned at for someone ear wigging a conversation that I went out and didn’t say much. I did tell my boss very clearly I don’t agree with it and won’t sensor my conversation to others because she wants to listen in and might not like them as she is welcome to not listen in at any point

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 08/05/2022 08:52

balalake · 08/05/2022 08:39

The woman who does admin work (valuable, please don't look down upon her) would have had reason to be upset if you talked about it directly with her. Not otherwise.

I'd hope you would consider the low level of pay for some jobs an issue, when you come to vote.

Where does it indicate in any way at all that the OP looks down on the admin lady?

20viona · 08/05/2022 08:53

Oh I wouldn't let this lie I'd be straight to the admin person tomorrow and say 'I'm
Sorry you're offended by my new shoes but they actually had nothing to
Do with you so keep your nose out '😂

cansu · 08/05/2022 08:55

Utterly bonkers. If I am party to a conversation that makes me miserable or envious I walk away and put it out of my mind. If you were constantly talking about your marvellous wealthy lifestyle people would vote with their feet and avoid you! It really is nothing to do with your boss.

HollowTalk · 08/05/2022 08:56

That's outrageous! I wonder how the complaint went, "I was listening into this conversation and I didn't like what they were saying. Someone's bought something I can't afford and I don't like it".

Coffeetree · 08/05/2022 08:57

Ugh, I worked in an environment like that. Person working admin role with huge chip on her shoulder and convinced that everyone looked down on her because she was admin. Would literally cry because she had to do "demeaning" work like answer the phones, accused us of acting like our time was worth more when we asked her to do things like sort out post (in her job description)! I mean, it was a job she applied to.

As in your case, this person also got the ear of our boss and we would have similar bizarre conversations. The boss would give her flowers each time she had a tantrum.

You did the right thing and you should give this person a huge berth.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 08/05/2022 08:59

When you have calmed and your boss has had a moment, go back and say that, on reflection, you are horrified that the admin woman was eaves dropping. It is bad enough she felt comfortable spying on your private conversation but what if you had been discussing something medically confidential, patient welfare etc?

To eavesdrop and then make a complaint based on information you receive through such subterfuge is a tad odd, makes for a very uncomfortable workplace. She needs to be told to stop. I can't imagine being able to work in a space when you know a colleague is listening and will use anything she overhears...

EL8888 · 08/05/2022 09:02

@GiltEdges l think it’s more a potatoe field than a chip!

Tough shit. If she wants / needs more money then she should get a 2nd job -that’s why l have a 2nd job. Plus the shoes were a gift?!

Original poster
YeahIamdone2022 · 08/05/2022 09:06

She also didn’t listen in long enough when I explained the reason behind the shoes - my ex DH was controlling and nasty and previously I had saved up from birthdays and Christmas and bought the same brand of shoes and 3 months later he had sold them on eBay while I was at work as he was again in gambling debt so now I am not with him I also said I wanted another pair which is why my husband saved hard and worked overtime for them

OP posts:
springbreak22 · 08/05/2022 09:10

You have to wear them to work now Grin

Coffeetree · 08/05/2022 09:12

Okay, with kindness, that is way too much sharing at work. Especially as you've clearly got colleagues weaponising their feelings and a weak manager. Back right off and keep things breezy with everyone there.

Youaremysunshine14 · 08/05/2022 09:16

Coffeetree · 08/05/2022 09:12

Okay, with kindness, that is way too much sharing at work. Especially as you've clearly got colleagues weaponising their feelings and a weak manager. Back right off and keep things breezy with everyone there.

Rubbish! She was having a private conversation with a colleague who asked what she got for her big birthday! If she'd strutted into the office wearing said shoes and announced to the entire place how much they were then, yes, that would be out of order. But she didn't and the other woman was out of order for eavesdropping and running to the boss.

OuiWeeOui · 08/05/2022 09:18

Your manager should have shut her down and not even mentioned it to you
can we see the shoes though 😃
pleeeeeeeease

Abouttoblow · 08/05/2022 09:19

Coffeetree · 08/05/2022 09:12

Okay, with kindness, that is way too much sharing at work. Especially as you've clearly got colleagues weaponising their feelings and a weak manager. Back right off and keep things breezy with everyone there.

OP was asked a question and answered it. Have you never discussed a gift you've received while at work? Why should she have to censor what she has conversations about because her colleagues don't like it? It's a pair of shoes, nothing controversial.

nomistake · 08/05/2022 09:19

@balalake the op hasn't said anything demeaning about the admin person. And how do you know she's valuable? Maybe she's shite at her job. The shoes were a gift and she has no business complaining.

Enjoy your shoes OP! Your boss sounds barmy for even mentioning it to you. No point trying to please the permanently offended.

Colourmeclear · 08/05/2022 09:20

If you have a problem with inequality of wealth to that extreme, I don't think you should choose to live in a capitalist society... how does she even leave the house without getting offended at all the fancy cars and big houses? Our worth and contribution to society isn't always reflected in our pay but it's been that way for years and years and is unlikely to change anytime soon. Management will have very little impact on the system as a whole, that's what government is for....and there was absolutely no need for your manager to relay her grievance to you.

BaaMoon · 08/05/2022 09:20

I can't believe your manager even spoke to you about this

Skyeheather · 08/05/2022 09:20

I think the admin person has an underlying issue, it sounds like they could be struggling financially at the moment and are upset/stressed about it?

They do need to get grip/help though - there are a couple of Mums at my son's school who are obviously well off and turn up at pick up wearing designer clothes. At pick up on Friday I was wearing Tesco trainers with George leggings and T-shirt, would I email the head and ask that X's Mum doesn't wear her Dior coat and matching handbag because I can't afford to buy those items - no I wouldn't because the head would think I was nuts! That's just life isn't it.