To be annoyed with boss

[YeahIamdone2022]

So back story I had a big birthday this week and my DH bought me an expensive pair of designer shoes (around £650 for context) I work in the NHS so obviously didn’t wear them to work. A member of my team asked what I got and I said about shoes and she asked to see them so showed a photo.
Later was talking to my boss who said the admin lady was upset I discussed shoes as she earns a lot less then me and can’t afford them. While I appreciate and understand that my issue is A- I wasn’t even talking to her so she was eve’s dropping a conversation that she wasn’t party to as I wasn’t loud and she sits on another bank of desks
B- what other people have isn’t your concern and we all have different life’s, finances and situations and we shouldn’t police what people can talk about
i pointed out to my boss I have a SEN child so does that mean I can stop people talking about a good nights sleep as I haven’t had one in 9 years and she said well no. I also feel if the lady had talked me I would be more receptive not running to my boss like a child. I explained to my boss while I understand and accept what she is saying I do not agree that me talking about my present was wrong and that this is more the admin ladies issues than mine and walked out

Starting a post with "with kindness" is very much like saying "with respect". I.e. you don't mean that at all and it's just a way of saying you disagree with what the person has said or done. The OP has done nothing wrong.

As for the poster who has suggested the OP have words with the eavesdropper, why on earth would you choose to inflame the situation like that?

The woman is batshit. Your boss should have nipped this in the bud from the outset rather than bringing it to you.

This is absurd. Where do you draw the line?! Would she object to anyone talking about a mortgage, buying their first home, getting a car, going to M&S for lunch?! She’s absolutely bonkers.

the boss is completely in the wrong. The admin assistant could have made a remark to the boss and the boss ran with it. She didn't say the admin lady complained so I'd defo not approach her. I think you handled it perfectly and now it's done

I'm petty, so I'd double down and mention within earshot of her all the amazing things you're thinking of doing/buying; fancy holiday, new car etc. (even if you're not) and see if it comes up again from your boss, if it does, I'd get it recorded and go through HR at that point.

Part of me does think it's quite crass and tone-deaf if someone was exclaiming for everyone to hear about their new £650 birthday shoes.

Don’t exaggerate for your own ends. The OP didn’t broadcast it, she talked to her colleague. The woman listened in.

YANBU. I can speak from the perspective of the admin lady as that is exactly what I am (this did not happen in my office I promise!) The vast majority of my work colleagues earn way more than I do - right up to consultant level. They often have conversations with others (Inc. Admin staff) about their holidays/second homes/early retirement plans and we are perfectly capable of accepting that these people can afford these things and that they can spend their hard earned cash in whatever way they wish.
Your new shoes are gorgeous OP. I hope you have many happy occasions to wear them.

This is like the other thread about the woman who wants to ban any talk of children in the office because of her fertility problems.
I can't walk properly (certainly not in glamorous heels ) but I don't go whinging to my manager every time a colleague mentions going for a walk.

The very same make and design of shoes that your ex-husband sold is still available for sale? Years later? That’s even more unusual than your boss’s behaviour.

Speak for yourself. Talking about the shoes is fine. I was warning the OP about sharing trauma etc., at work when there are creepy people about. Read the thread

No they are not the exact same shoe as my ex sold but are the same brand- but not really sure what that matters and actually some brands have staple pieces that have been around for a long time so it’s not actually impossible.

My colleague wears a rolex to work everyday. None of us complains, or has the right to complain to be honest!

I mean she did ask what you got for your birthday, surely she knows she earns less than you.

I haven’t ever heard of workplaces banning things to talk about and now there’s three posts about it in a week! I don’t think workplaces can ban people talking about things.

Wow I’ve seen similar threads to this about monitoring what can be discussed at work.
what the hell is wrong with people?
Bloody hell, I’d love a new car. My colleague has spent £25,000 on a new car should I start crying because I can’t afford that?
Should people with children never ever mention them because it upsets the childless? Should those who don’t have parents ban all talk of parents?
Should people never mention where they live due to offending those who can’t afford to live there? What about only children? Are they offended by talk of others seeing their family?

I work with a lady who’s husband loves to buy her expensive designer stuff
her new necklace is worth more than my wardrobe-he spent £160 on a (tiny) handbag and her earrings cost more than my bed
she doesn’t show off at all but knows how much I love bags,shoes,jewellery and shoes so will often show me what he’s treated her to
never,ever will I go running to my boss whinging that her stuff costs more than my stuff-I genuinely coo and admire whatever it is she’s showing me and am happy she’s got a husband who loves buying her stuff

anything else just screams of jealousy

I never trust hearsay. You don't know what she said, only what your stirring boss reported. Talk to the admin person directly.

How did anyone know how much the shoes costed? 🧐

Presumably OP will have said "he bought me a pair of Louboutin's" or whatever?

It wasn't even the person who the OP was conversing with, it's someone else who was ear wigging on the conversation that has said something to the OP's boss about it.

What are you talking about? She was asked what she got for her birthday and she answered. She wasn't telling everyone about her traumatic childhood or the details of her sex life ffs.

I never once said the amount just the brand to which team member asked can you buy them around here (small town) and I replied no ordered them online

Except later she mentions trauma as a related backstory? Which was what I directly responded to? Nice reading skills.

Really it doesn't matter at all, she's clearly the kind of person who will find anything to be offended by!

Your boss is awful for fomenting this. If any of my direct reports came to me with a story like that I'd be shutting her down.