To be annoyed with boss

[YeahIamdone2022]

So back story I had a big birthday this week and my DH bought me an expensive pair of designer shoes (around £650 for context) I work in the NHS so obviously didn’t wear them to work. A member of my team asked what I got and I said about shoes and she asked to see them so showed a photo.
Later was talking to my boss who said the admin lady was upset I discussed shoes as she earns a lot less then me and can’t afford them. While I appreciate and understand that my issue is A- I wasn’t even talking to her so she was eve’s dropping a conversation that she wasn’t party to as I wasn’t loud and she sits on another bank of desks
B- what other people have isn’t your concern and we all have different life’s, finances and situations and we shouldn’t police what people can talk about
i pointed out to my boss I have a SEN child so does that mean I can stop people talking about a good nights sleep as I haven’t had one in 9 years and she said well no. I also feel if the lady had talked me I would be more receptive not running to my boss like a child. I explained to my boss while I understand and accept what she is saying I do not agree that me talking about my present was wrong and that this is more the admin ladies issues than mine and walked out

Way too much sharing at work? What nonsense. It’s telling someone about a gift. That’s utterly ridiculous that one woman should dictate everyone’s relationships at work because she’s jealous of a pair of fancy shoes.

I would speak to the admin person before assuming that everything your boss said was the truth.

It has been presented to you as a complaint but it may not have happened exactly like that - because a complaint about that would be bonkers and I just can't believe that someone would do it.

I wonder whether it was more like a throwaway comment - that she'd seen a photo of your new shoes, amazing, so expensive though, think I need to start earning more etc

Your boss may have made it sound far worse than it was. Ask the admin lady about it before getting angry.

YANBU I'm about as skint as you can get but I don't begrudge other people nice things, especially if I've overhead a conversation that didn't include me anyway.
Unless the conversation included the words "The admin could never afford these!" I don't see what she has to be offended by and I don't know why your boss would even get involved, it seems like a non issue to me.
I see people with stuff all the time that I can't afford, I feel a pang like 'Oh that's lovely, I wish I could afford that' but tbh I'd be feeling more that I wished I had someone in my life that cared for me that much to do what your DH did - I think it's a lovely thing for him to do, but I wouldn't say anything about it, that's about my life and has no bearing on anyone else's.

Ridiculous on all levels.
You're entitled to hold a conversation without eavesdroppers.
You're entitled to discuss whatever birthday presents you got.
You're entitled to spend your money on shoes if that's what floats your boat

The woman was bonkers for reporting you and tbh your boss was out of line for then passing it on.

I think my boss was taken aback by my response as I am normally a go with the flow person at work but I was very firm in that I don’t agree with this conversation and this should never be mentioned which is why I am annoyed at her as I not really sure what she expected me to say.

Tbh the whole thing was a massive failure on the part of your boss.
If she actually complained,they should've shut it down then and there. Overheard conversation, not aimed at her , everyone's lives are different.
If she was upset(because she has financial difficulties and is struggling and this sent her over the edge and was asked why) then they should've dealt with it in a sympathetic manner and left it there.

Regardless of the reason,it should have never left the office ,much less burden you with it/make you responsible.

Shitty management really, no matter how twatty the admin woman is or isn't.

The fact that NHS managers are pre occupied with things like thanks just about shows the caliber of people running this money pit.

Omg, don't ever upset the admin people or you are sunk!!! But I agree she was well out of order.

How is your relationship normally with this person and your boss?

As it was an odd conversation I would think about sending your manager an email that poliety asks that they wind their neck in...

"Further to the conversation on x day I am confirming that the conversation re my birthday present was with and prompted by z. I do not understand why or how it might upset a. I am concerned to note that a was listening to a private conversation.

If required I will consider mediation. If however unjust critisms of me continue to be shared I expect this to be dealt with under the Trusts just culture policy (or whatever your Trust calls it). "

Depending on how your Trust is and how your boss, I might be tempted to clearly ask what the nature of the conversation was, whether its being noted in your personal file.

All depends though on the usual behaviour of the admin worker and your boss to others? Does she have form for causing ill feeling?

I wouldnt be apologising to the admin worker at this stage. Its not like you were busy and snapped at her or anything so it would be a seriously odd conversation in my opinion

Photo of the shoes.
or it never happened :)

What no I was talking about the abuse history.

A few admin staff have left because of this individual and the way she treats people, she has been there years and years and likes it her way or no way. I am relatively new and have only been with the Trust 18 months and based at this office for 4 months

That makes sense then, she's trying to throw her weight around with you. Pathetic that your boss is scared of her buy oh well.

Definitely don't share any painful personal stuff at work again. Bright breezy, say hi to her and keep it moving.

And wear the shoes to work.

How utterly bizarre. I imagine lots of people in hospitals earn lots more than you. Do they have to drive a cheap car to work so they don’t offend admin. If someone asks where they are going on holiday are they meant to lie in case someone is upset.
What nonsense.

If it’s mentioned again i would ask your manager for clarification from HR if staff have to pretend they have no money so not to offend others.

The offending shoes 😂

Whether these were a gift or not it's none of her business and you shouldn't have to justify owning designer shoes.

A colleague of mind is looking to purchase a block of land to camp on ever couple of months, while I'm now priced out of the housing market in areas I like. I don't begrudge her at all and happily listen to her talk about her search.

Some people are way too worried about what others have.

I'd tell your boss that if their staff can't afford shoes they should probably review the pay structure as that's not something you have the authority to do.

Well your boss should have shut her down and told her not to eavesdrop; however she's obviously been getting away with crappy behaviour for years so...

If you need a new car should you only shop for a pile of junk because anything more expensive will trigger this person's envy (again!)?

I agree with the PP who said to email your boss, you just might need a record of admin person's ridiculousness further down the line. Just state (reiterate) the facts, this was a private convo in which admin lady was not included and that you cannot be responsible for her feelings when she eavesdrops. In slightly more professional language of course.

Love those shoes; definitely wear them into work, maybe for date night at, I dunno, the Dorchester or some such? Ok I know that'd be a bit passive aggressive but oh man she's so unreasonable I don't think I could resist!

She needs a course in not judging people never mind not eavesdropping! She also needs to hear this backstory; might make her reflect on her actions. But boss enabled this? My boss would have told anyone acting that way that 1) you don’t listen in 2) you don’t make assumptions without full story 3) it’s none of your business … and so on

Those shoes are lovely!

If you do bring the matter up with your manager or HR I'd be careful about describing the admin lady as eves-dropping. It sounds like she overheard a conversation in an open plan office and you are likely to be told that there is no such thing as a private conversation in a open plan office. I'd be worried that saying the conversation was private sort of acknowledges that it wasn't appropriate for a general office when it seems a fairly normal conversation after receiving a gift you really liked. Especially when to you the value of the gift is as much in the thought behind it rather than just the cost.

I think the admin lady married your ex!

What a lovely thoughtful present from your husband, in light of what happened in the past.

Ignore this silly jealous woman.

I prefer non-designer vintage clothes and shoes (okay, I admit, charity shops) and am not driven to distraction by someone being able to afford expensive clobber, but some people spend their lives sourly comparing what they have with what others have, and being thoroughly miserable.

Those shoes are lovely. Your DH sounds lovely too.

I think to be on the safe side you should keep a diary of events like this at work. Now youve stood your ground she might make you a target, and it doesnt sound as if your manager is terribly good at managing either. Are you in a union?