AIBU to want to actually be able to use something I've spent £1000 on?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

In our back garden we have a fairly sizable lawn area which takes up approximately half of our garden (the rest being patio, decking, shed etc). The grass has never been particularly great quality and mainly made up of moss, weeds, buttercups, daffodils, clover etc but I've never been particularly bothered by this. To me, the lawn has always just been a functional space where I can play with the DC and DDog and I'm not particularly bothered if it looks less than perfect.

Recently, however, we've had some building work done at the back of the house and in the process of the build the workmen completely destroyed our lawn area turning it into a mud bath. Again, I wasn't particularly bothered as these things happen during building works but rather than re-seeding and waiting for the grass to grow back naturally we decided to fork out £1000 and get it professionally returfed. The thinking being that we'd be able to use it again quicker than if we waited for it to grow back (oh how wrong I was!!!)

Since then however, DH has become obsessed with this bloody grass 😡When it was freshly laid he put a 'temporary' fence around it as no one was supposed to walk on it for at least 3 weeks in order for it to bed in. 4 months later and the 'temporary' fence is still there and DH is looking at ways to make it a permanent fixture so the grass 'doesn't get ruined again' 🙄

The DC are now not allowed on it and God forbid the DDog gets on there or shock horror tries to go to the toilet on it. He's out there every week rollering and manicuring it to within an inch of its life and it does look amazing (thick, green, lush, no weeds etc) but what's the point of having an immaculate lawn if we now can't use it?

My argument is, I didn't spend £1000 just to have some 'ornamental' grass that's lovely to look at but has now effectively cut out usable garden space by half because we can't use it whilst DH argument is that we spent £1000 on it so we need to look after it and there's no point spending that money if were just going to 'wreck it' again.

So:

IBU: £1000 is a lot of money to spend so you need to look after the lawn and protect it

INBU: what's the point of spending £1000 on something you can't use and effectively cuts your outdoor living space in half

Male dogs aren't a problem, but bitches are. Bitch urine kills grass. I have no idea why, but you end up with round brown patches on the lawn.

Fence off a section for DH to preen while you, DC & DDog enjoy the rest. Get on that grass & enjoy it 😂

Man's point of view here and someone who knows about grass (the lawn not weed!). First and foremost stop the man bashing!! Secondly, hubby is being a tad precious and over the top. Why choose an ornamental grass in the first place if you have kids and a dog. Look after it but bloody use it!

I would smile sweetly at your partner and agree with him then explain that he now needs to get up early every Saturday and Sunday to walk the dog and take the kids to the park (while you relax on his precious lawn with a gin)

Put pin holes in the lawnmower’s fuel tank so it drips petrol and poisons it all.

Or….introduce mushroom spores from a mushroom making kit….they’ll soon take over!

It's the sort of idiotic thing my husband would do. You're not being unreasonable, but I wish you luck with converting him to any sort of sense. Of course it should be a joint decision, but when one person eats one thing and it's the opposite of what the other wants there is no real chance of compromise, is there? You could over-rule him and remove the fence yourself, but that's not a joint decision either. I've found that in situations like this, status quo tends to win out - not 'fair', but it seems to work that way for us, and it balances out. Unfortunately, the current status quo is the stupid fence.

Could you persuade any grandparents to buy a swing or trampoline or something that has to go on there or be useless?

wants one thing! You can both eat what you like🙄

All I can think of is him on his hands and knees with a pair of scissors and a spirit level! 😂

Why do men do that. Announce they're a man and then tell us off? Why do you need to tell us you're a man at all?

Override him immediately

What a waste of money its a family home not kew bloody gardens

@newnamethanks

This is interesting. Is this perfect lawn obsession purely a man thing? I've never met a woman who obsessed about the grass to this extent. Flowers and beds yes, but grass? No. Any out there?

Me. 🙋‍♀️ My ornamental lawn is a thing of great stripey beauty. I do allow the dc and the guinea pigs on it though. A well cared for healthy lawn is a robust thing that can take that in its stride. Dogs are another matter though - I’m with your Dh on that and so I voted YABU.

A lawn is for using. Immaculate lawns are a bit passe now, We have a very large lawn, 1/2 acre at the back alone, and all of it was perfect when we moved in 9 years ago. However, couldnt be arsed with trying to keep it lovely, weeding was interminal and it needs rollering so it has been left to itself to a large extent, a sort of partial rewilding and I love it, apart from the dandelions and mole hills.
I dont like the local cats coming in, but we also get foxes and deer, and birds always seem to love it and I think it is fine.
You need to discuss this with your DH, and wean him off this level of lawncare. Get him to agree to take the fence down at some point and use the lawn properly. Personally an immaculate lawn will not even improve the houseprice if it comes to sell at some point, proovided the lawn loooks practical and in good order.

yanbu, that would drive me mad!

Nah, just take down the fence. We are on our third lot of dogs, re-turfed after removing leylandi last year. Current dogs have wrecked the lawn due to zoo ones, although the re-turfed bit is holding up much better than our ‘best meadow turf’ rough stuff.

We did the same thing , after having loads of weeds ,clover and moss etc for quite a while we decided to pay and have a lawn laid so it was straight no dips etc etc and I didn't realise myself how long after it is laid that you can not use it for and the amount of care it takes for it to attach ,The amount of watering it also needed , but the second we knew it was fine we had the goals on there , trampoline , basketball net , no it isn't still perfect but we have kids and we got a house with a large garden and laid a nice lawn down for them to enjoy , not look at !! YANBU !!

Ignore him, use the lawn! Just look after it, give it lawn feed a couple of times a year, keep on top of weeds, we have something similar to this: www.coopersofstortford.co.uk/long-handled-weeder/?SKU=K149_OR&src=ISC1&vsrc=ISC17KD&utm_source=connexity&utm_medium=aff&utm_term=EAIaIQobChMIzfTewJnS9wIVBevtCh26dg90EAQYBiABEgKytfD_BwE

This x1000..............No Mow May, diversity, nature, wildlife, insect numbers, Knepp; what other way is there?

Yes yes yes, you are my people @venus7

Why let your dog shit in your own garden when there are perfectly good pavements he could use instead 🙄 seems to be the mantra round here anyway.

I'm only one people, but honoured!

Because a lot of you tell all the men off and make a big point of man bashing. Because it is mums net so why not say it's a male view point as most will be female and many are man bashing and at times abusive towards men. If I said some of what you say then I would be called out. The point is he is being precious, should not have laid an ornamental lawn in a family garden, was ripped off to the tune of £1000 as well. He is an idiot and if he was my mate I would bloody well tell him that.

I'd ignore him. Lift the kids over the fence, take it down, get the dog over it, whatever. Just use it.

tell him he doesn't have to use it if he doesn't want to but he isn't your boss and you don't follow orders and if you want to use your garden you're going to use your bloody garden.

What is he going to do? Put you on the naughty step? Send you to bed with no supper?

Oh bloody behave yourself Mr man here. 🙄

If a man is being a twat it's not man bashing to say he's being a twat.

Unless you think someone who's being a twat should not be labelled as such if they are male.