AIBU to want to actually be able to use something I've spent £1000 on?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

In our back garden we have a fairly sizable lawn area which takes up approximately half of our garden (the rest being patio, decking, shed etc). The grass has never been particularly great quality and mainly made up of moss, weeds, buttercups, daffodils, clover etc but I've never been particularly bothered by this. To me, the lawn has always just been a functional space where I can play with the DC and DDog and I'm not particularly bothered if it looks less than perfect.

Recently, however, we've had some building work done at the back of the house and in the process of the build the workmen completely destroyed our lawn area turning it into a mud bath. Again, I wasn't particularly bothered as these things happen during building works but rather than re-seeding and waiting for the grass to grow back naturally we decided to fork out £1000 and get it professionally returfed. The thinking being that we'd be able to use it again quicker than if we waited for it to grow back (oh how wrong I was!!!)

Since then however, DH has become obsessed with this bloody grass 😡When it was freshly laid he put a 'temporary' fence around it as no one was supposed to walk on it for at least 3 weeks in order for it to bed in. 4 months later and the 'temporary' fence is still there and DH is looking at ways to make it a permanent fixture so the grass 'doesn't get ruined again' 🙄

The DC are now not allowed on it and God forbid the DDog gets on there or shock horror tries to go to the toilet on it. He's out there every week rollering and manicuring it to within an inch of its life and it does look amazing (thick, green, lush, no weeds etc) but what's the point of having an immaculate lawn if we now can't use it?

My argument is, I didn't spend £1000 just to have some 'ornamental' grass that's lovely to look at but has now effectively cut out usable garden space by half because we can't use it whilst DH argument is that we spent £1000 on it so we need to look after it and there's no point spending that money if were just going to 'wreck it' again.

So:

IBU: £1000 is a lot of money to spend so you need to look after the lawn and protect it

INBU: what's the point of spending £1000 on something you can't use and effectively cuts your outdoor living space in half

Think of walking on a newly-turfed lawn in the same way as walking over a newly-tiled floor.

With tiles, you need to wait for the grout to dry, and that doesn't take long. With the grass you have to wait until the roots grow into the soil below, which takes considerably longer. If you walk on new turf too soon, it damages it.

DH does a lot of faffing with our lawn to get it looking good but the children also play on it a lot and that does no harm.

I 100% would not want a dog peeing or shitting on it though, that's gross. Create a separate area to the side and train the dog to go there

Mate, starfish on that lawn daily.

Just walk purposeful down the garden, over the little fence and starfish smack bang in the middle. Then tell him to stop being a muppet and enjoy the garden as it should be.

DH is similarly obsessed with his lawn..... I own a horse call The Knobcob. The Knobcob somehow got the garden gate open with his teeth and left lovely big hoofy prints right across it while he gobbled as much grass as possible until I caught him! DH was fuming and Knobcob narrowly escaped being turned into a lasagne. But once DH calmed down, all was fine, the grass grew back.

Use your garden, it's only grass.

The eternal battle of man vs lawn. In 1960s US suburbia a man was judged by the quality his lawn. Dad was determined to have a pristine dichondra lawn, despite scads of neighborhood children with bikes, skates, and yard games. He finally gave up after a few years and planted St Augustine. You couldn't kill that even if you ran tanks over it.

Tell your DH he's being silly and that grass is meant to be enjoyed and your family WILL be enjoying it.

Or sprinkle a few random clover, daisy, chamomile and buttercup seeds in when he's not looking.

Oh dear, when a man starts getting precious about his lawn… first sign of becoming an old fart 🤣

You need a fence halfway across.. Half for you and half for him. Humour him op. Let him look ridiculous..

@SockFluffInTheBath our dog killed the lawn with her wee, so we changed it to hard landscaping and raised beds. She's a bit of a wuss and won't wee on the beds so just goes on the paving. I give it a quick, daily hose-down in Summer, slightly less often in winter.

I'm a gardener.
4 months is plenty.

We had an extension built last year which ruined our garden so I also spent around £1000 on turfing it again. We have 2 dogs, 2
guinea pigs and 2 rabbits and they are all out there everyday running around, toileting and eating the lawn!
I spent the money so that I could have a useable garden. Not so I could sit and look at a perfectly manicured lawn. So YANBU!

@Akiddleydiveytoo

I feel your pain! My husband, whilst not as, erm, committed to our lawn, does spend a lot of time watering it (we live in a hot country, where 40+ degrees in the summer is quite normal), feeding it, mowing it (every 4/5 days in summer, then weekly once the weather cools down), he has a special edging tool, so he edges the lawn as well. And he also does all this for the front lawn as well!

We have 3 dogs and he says when they go (meaning die), he doesn't want anymore dogs and his lawn will be perfect! As our dogs are 6 and 7 years old, he's got a long time to wait lol. He loves the front lawn.

Despite all this love he has for the lawns, I'm like you; Gardens are for kids to play and dogs to play as well. He wouldn't even try to ban the dogs (or the humans) from going on the lawn and I think he knows that it would be an exercise in futility.

Explain to your DH, that whilst the lawn cost you £1000, you paid it so that the kids and dogs would have somewhere to play without having to wait a whole season for the grass to grow from seed. And I would also ask him what the point of having a lawn is if no-one is allowed to use it! 💜

We had neighbours who virtually cut their fine-grass lawn with nail scissors. They went on a cruise for a month and in their absence a mole tunnelled under it, just below the grass, so the tunnel shape was visible as raised wavy lines all over the lawn. Along with numerous molehills.

All the posters being precious about dog piss on their lawns, you do know wildlife is probably pissing on your lawn every night don't you? Neighbouring cats, rabbits, foxes, badgers... How is dog piss any different?

He’s mental.

Could you encourage him to redirect his interest to some flower beds? Get him cultivating some nice flowers, rose bushes etc.

Urine breaks down soon enough, it can be good for plants, well the nitrogen in it. That's why years ago men would piss on the compost heap, help it along.
I have dogs and so far in seven years the grass hasn't been damaged by their waste( it has been damaged by the digging, little buggers)
Most people with kids and dogs pick it up, throw water to dilute and the garden is safe enough for kids to play.

And OP just go use the lawn. Doesn't matter how much it cost, bet your house cost loads more but you still use that.

Get him to watch Farm for the Future bbc documentary online. They show how you can plant 20 types of grasses and it makes a thick strong carpet which cows can walk on without it getting destroyed.

I would throw away the temporary fence.

Split it in half. No arguments then. He can have his little fence and sit with his sissors all he wants then

This is interesting. Is this perfect lawn obsession purely a man thing? I've never met a woman who obsessed about the grass to this extent. Flowers and beds yes, but grass? No. Any out there?

Hahaha yes

It's the shit I'd worry about

Tell him about No Mow May.

www.plantlife.org.uk/uk/discover-wild-plants-nature/no-mow-may

I’ve just read this to my DH as I’m living this with you except we reseeded our lawn. We’ve just recently come to the compromise of this….. temp fence down from May to September watch the dog when she goes out and dilute where they wee with hose/watering can straight away (I know! But I reckon by next spring the novelty would have worn off) October to April temp fence reinstated, seed and feed if necessary. Grass is very hardy and tends to always come back ok. Heaven help us both if there’s a hosepipe ban 💦💦

OP, he's being a dick.

PP are also being weird about dogs. I grew up with lots of dogs who all shat and pissed in the garden. My mum just went round picking the shit up, and when we were old enough to be sensible, my siblings and I did it. It's not difficult.

Since we bought a new house DH has been a bit like this a lot various things including the lawn; I was quite blunt in telling him that we bought a house with a garden to enjoy and there was no way I’m keeping the kids off the lawn. He didn’t really have much choice and my compromise was that I don’t leave any kids toys on the lawn once we’ve finished playing

Dd is grown up now, so we don't sit on the grass anymore, so I have no issue with the dog having a poo on it. I pick it up afterwards. It's not like there is shit strewn all over the place 🤣