AIBU to want to actually be able to use something I've spent £1000 on?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

In our back garden we have a fairly sizable lawn area which takes up approximately half of our garden (the rest being patio, decking, shed etc). The grass has never been particularly great quality and mainly made up of moss, weeds, buttercups, daffodils, clover etc but I've never been particularly bothered by this. To me, the lawn has always just been a functional space where I can play with the DC and DDog and I'm not particularly bothered if it looks less than perfect.

Recently, however, we've had some building work done at the back of the house and in the process of the build the workmen completely destroyed our lawn area turning it into a mud bath. Again, I wasn't particularly bothered as these things happen during building works but rather than re-seeding and waiting for the grass to grow back naturally we decided to fork out £1000 and get it professionally returfed. The thinking being that we'd be able to use it again quicker than if we waited for it to grow back (oh how wrong I was!!!)

Since then however, DH has become obsessed with this bloody grass 😡When it was freshly laid he put a 'temporary' fence around it as no one was supposed to walk on it for at least 3 weeks in order for it to bed in. 4 months later and the 'temporary' fence is still there and DH is looking at ways to make it a permanent fixture so the grass 'doesn't get ruined again' 🙄

The DC are now not allowed on it and God forbid the DDog gets on there or shock horror tries to go to the toilet on it. He's out there every week rollering and manicuring it to within an inch of its life and it does look amazing (thick, green, lush, no weeds etc) but what's the point of having an immaculate lawn if we now can't use it?

My argument is, I didn't spend £1000 just to have some 'ornamental' grass that's lovely to look at but has now effectively cut out usable garden space by half because we can't use it whilst DH argument is that we spent £1000 on it so we need to look after it and there's no point spending that money if were just going to 'wreck it' again.

So:

IBU: £1000 is a lot of money to spend so you need to look after the lawn and protect it

INBU: what's the point of spending £1000 on something you can't use and effectively cuts your outdoor living space in half

Our lawn looked fantastic when we first had it turfed - maybe for the first year. now it is a mess of clover, dandelions and moss. I don't care - we play on it - that's what it's for. Your DH will get sick of it soon OP ...

Oh god I'm having childhood flashbacks..... my dad had a lawn like this..... I wasn't to go anywhere near it......

We did however have a smaller patch of grass that I was "allowed" to play on

Where would you propose that OP’s dog shits if not on the grass in it’s own garden?

Oh God, insufferable twat. I like things nice, I like the lawn to look reasonable, but the garden is for people (& pets) to enjoy being outside not fir display, get him a job at Kew if he wants to be precious!!

tell him to behave! You paid the money so you could USE the garden, not wait for a year (or more!!) otherwise you might just as well have seeded it instead. I'd be telling him he has until jubilee weekend to admire it, then it's getting USED!!

Dog toilet areas are brilliant though, so much nicer & easier. Little fenced off are, bark type stuff and a disposal Shute. I'd train them dog to poo over the Shute if I could!!

I came on to say this it sounds as if he is really proud of his handiwork, which is great if somewhat misdirected. Can you suggest that now the lawn is bedded in he move onto another project? I was going to suggest flowers in pots or a raised be with vegetables, but rose bushes might be an idea as they are ornamental, and, if I understand correctly quite fiddly(? I'm no gardener).

I hope you get a mole, your DH would have a nervous breakdown.

Depending on the square metres returfed, I'd lke to know who did it for £1000! I was quoted £1500 for a relatively small area three or four years ago!

Beautiful manicured lawns are not compatible with family life with DVs and dogs, and you need to be able to use the lawn.

It sounds as if money has been wasted and that this wasn't discussed properly between you both when the purchase is made. Your DH will have to suck it up I'm afraid and wait until he's an old fart to get his perfect lawn.

*DCs and dogs 🤦‍♀️

(Sorry, formatting fail there.)

Meh. Pick a bunch of dandelion wish seed balls and surreptitiously blow them over the grass. He'll soon get less precious about it.

YANBU

This is why I paid £3 per roll of turf and did it myself, was cheap and I don't feel the need to tiptoe around on it.

He's being ridiculous. And his argument makes no sense as it was the builders, not children/dog that ruined it in the first place, so allowing normal usage of the garden should do the grass no harm

I think a compromise is in order!

I would take the fence down, and not say anything.

Presumably the flooring/carpets in your house are also off-limits, no-one is allowed in your car and heaven forbid anyone own a decent musical instrument/computer/go on a nice holiday.

You know, because using things that cost bigger amounts of money is "ruining" them.

Your DH is an arse.

(Although I wouldn't let my dog poo on my grass, newly laid or not.)

The "weeds" are necessary biodiversity. His manicured lawn is probably less environmentally useful than it would have been to leave it as mud.

Thanks for all the replies. I agree he is being ridiculous but he does tend to go through 'phases' like this periodically when he gets obsessed with something but it's usually pretty short lived.

I'm sure he'll get bored of it soon, the question is will it be before or after I decide I've had enough of humouring him and tear the bloody fence down?

It wouldn't even be so bad if he gave the same amount of attention to our front garden (which is the one that everyone can see) but that's a complete mess and he doesn't even care 🙄

Can you try a sort of “that’s great, darling;m. I’d really love it if in addition you [perfected the topiary or whatever else]” and hope that his focus shifts?

*@Akiddleydiveytoo
*
The DC are now not allowed on it and God forbid the DDog gets on there or shock horror tries to go to the toilet on it. He's out there every week rollering and manicuring it to within an inch of its life and it does look amazing (thick, green, lush, no weeds etc) but what's the point of having an immaculate lawn if we now can't use it?

Agree with you totally about you and the children. He has got a point about the dog though. My FiL would rush out with a watering can and water any pees done by their dog, otherwise the pee scorched the grass and left yellow patches (he also cuts slugs in half with the kitchen scissors but that's another story)

And as our lawn often has an unwelcome present of a fox or cat poo in the middle of it in the morning, I'd love to avoid that... so the dog thing is perhaps more understandable.

I've got a patch of daffodils that sprout in the middle of ours from previous owners... originally I thought WTF but I like them now... and I love a daisy - and even a dandelion...

But has it got stripes? 😂
Crack on as before it's the family's garden.

Grim. I agree people are weird about dogs, such as thinking this is reasonable

It still has to be picked up whether in your garden or the local park.
It's when it's not picked up that's unreasonable.

LOL this happened in our house! However it didn’t last too long and grass is now fully used by dog and son. I’m sure it will pass!