to find some of the AIBU topics irritating?

[Whetheryouthinkyoucan]

Is this a sign I should step away from the forum? Am I being unreasonable (and grumpy) or are these honestly reasonable questions?

I can’t tell if I am being very intolerant or not.

I read topics on here, and I wonder if the authors are honestly,really, asking the question because the answer seems to obvious?

”AIBU not to want to invite my sister’s mother in law to my wedding when she spat at me at Christmas?

“AIBU to be annoyed with my husband who hasn’t changed a nappy in four years and who doesn’t know where the washing powder is?”

”AIBU to say no to looking after the neighbour’s five kids and six dogs every night?”

”AIBU to eat dinner alone?”

so, why do people ask these questions? I don’t come across these people in real life who seem to require such a level of reassurance from strangers on the internet.

If you should step away based on your reaction, so should I

I find myself wondering if this is just used as an outlet to garner sympathy or if people genuinely can’t make these decisions by themselves?

I do find it odd that some can't seem to make any decision themselves. I wonder sometimes if it's just attention seeking but they can't all be.

I guess it helps to write things down/get them out of our heads and that makes a decision or view clearer.

Some threads are ridiculous though. If they're genuine then I don't know how people function day to day.

I think all the examples you have given are possibly written by people with low self esteem who probably struggle with boundaries and/or decision making. There are a lot of similar people out there and if you can't ask on an anonymous advice forum where can you?

I know. I think some people on here know they are 100% not being unreasonable but just want randoms on the internets approval that their feelings are entirely validated.

Ive never posted an AIBU on MN - if I want to do something or feel a certain way I know I'm probably right. I don't need anyones permission!

I go through phases of feeling irrationally irritated in the way you describe, but I regard it as a "me problem" and a sign that I need to go and do something else.

In my non-irritable state: yes, much of the content on MN (especially AIBU) isn't strictly necessary, nor are most of the questions people ask of burning importance. That's not a negative, though; MN is so successful because it fills a gap in women's social lives, IMO. It's the sort of day-to-day village chat that isn't easily found in many modern lives - nuclear families, commuting, living a long distance from friends and extended family, shuttling kids to and from, lots of women just don't have time to chew the fat with one another IRL, and MN provides a peer group which offers everything from urgent advice to bereveament support to the simple comfort of idle chatting about nonsense.

That's what I think, anyway. So if I feel myself getting curmudgeonly about how trivial something is, I just go and do something else.

People just want to rant and validate their anger. Sometimes people haven’t got anybody else to moan to, or want confirmation of how awful their DH/Friend/MIL is from the masses.

Not sure why as it’s obvious.

Same as countless threads on here,

’’AIBU to think my DH is abusive?’’

‘’He screams in my face, tells me I’m ugly and useless, is this normal?’’ 🙄

I know sometimes lines are blurred though but that’s just ridiculous.

I think some people just need validation. The ones that annoy me are the -

"AIBU I just helped a homeless person turn their life around and get a job and home. My friend says I shouldn't have done this and I should have kicked the homeless person instead and I'm doubting myself now"

No, love, your friend didn't say that at all, you did a nice thing and want people to tell you that.

Its like any social media on here, good bits and attention seeking.

I know sometimes lines are blurred though but that’s just ridiculous.

@Scurryfunge12 this is it.

fuck yeah
Way too many nonsense on here!
But I love the drama over nothing tbh haha

It's all attention seeing for one reason or another. Some need constant validation and have clearly driven their nearest/dearest up the wall with it; some have fundamental issues with making any decisions whatsoever; some want to be the centre of the attention; some are just not very bright. Som, unfortunately, have no-one else to talk to, they need a kind word and reassurance that it'll be ok.

In my non-irritable state: yes, much of the content on MN (especially AIBU) isn't strictly necessary, nor are most of the questions people ask of burning importance. That's not a negative, though; MN is so successful because it fills a gap in women's social lives, IMO. It's the sort of day-to-day village chat that isn't easily found in many modern lives

Agree with this. I also think that a lot of AIBU posts would be better on a different board, because most of the time the OP doesn't actually want to be told whether she's being unreasonable, she just wants to chat about a topic. Doesn't really bother me.

Of course it is. The “AIBU” structure is just a hook to hang it on, it’s evolved considerably and, while people can use the structure to ask for genuine “AIBU” feedback, it’s no longer limited to that purpose. People use AIBU to vent, to share and to encourage debate. It is the topic of choice because of the massive amount of traffic.

I often ‘hate read’ some threads without comment.

A lot of the topics/questions really have me rolling my eyes and wondering if they are real. BUT i have slow days at work and when I'm bored on the weekends I love to turn to MN for entertainment. So I don't want them to stop and I can't walk away. LOL

I worked with vulnerable families and my DD has friends have children in need plans in place for their children. Some people have their boundaries eroded from birth. They have shit upbringings, low self esteem and are socially isolated. They move on to abusive relationships. Then you have the scapegoat in the family, or are surrounded by toxic people. You may meet plenty of people like this in RL and know about it. I didn't realise that I was in an abusive relationship and how bad my childhood was until I was in year two on a BA in SW. If you've been set up in life with good boundaries and reasonable self worth then you are lucky. Also some people have no-one that they can trust to talk things over with.

😂yes me too.

Occasionally the AIBUs are OK or even quite interesting but they've been getting increasingly lame and pointless for years. A lot of the time now they just seem to be down to loneliness and/or attention seeking.

But the whole AIBU concept is pretty pathetic in the first place. Just make have a brain and a backbone and make a decision and stick to it! What do you need people coo-ing around you for?

And then... when you add in that it's so bitchy and people are just dying to leap on others and basically them a twat, well it's one of the crapper corners of the internet, for sure. Entertaining but toxic. But we all know that by now.

The daftest I remember was "AIBU to ask you to help me chose a new pencil case for DD13?". And loads of people weighed in with suggestions which was even dafter.

My recent favourite one was "is this racist? My ex husband asked my child if he's Chinese". I think people just want attention, they like to be heard hence ridiculous threads.

@Whetheryouthinkyoucan I couldn't believe when I read your OP as I was pretty much having identical thoughts earlier. I find it so irritating when people cannot seemingly see what is right in front of their face. Sometimes I just want to say "For fuck's sake just how stupid are you" when someone posts a question to which there is a blindingly obvious answer. "My boyfriend ignores me for weeks on end but says we're exclusive. AIBU to not be happy with this?" etc etc.

Yes, I find lots of threads quite irritating.

"AIBU to ask what dress size you are and how much you weigh?" Cue lots of competitive dieters telling others that there's no way they can be a size whatever - frankly triggering for anyone with an eating disorder.

"AIBU to not see this friend who pushed me onto the path of an oncoming truck and told everyone I was evil?" For God's sake.

"AIBU to have a problem that will need some money (not a lot) to resolve but to be completely unwilling to spend the money and expect strangers on the internet to magically come up with solutions that are completely free?" Usually seen on threads where someone is parking on the edge of someone's front garden.

Weirdly, I quite like threads where someone's daughter has hair long enough to be causing some sort of problem. I think perhaps because it has a reasonably straightforward solution - but anyone suggesting this solution gets shouted at because it is her daughter's RIGHT to have ankle length hair.

"AIBU to ask what to eat for dinner tonight?"
"...to ask what car to buy?"
"...to ask what colour sofa for a grey living room?"

Yes you are. Fuck off.

I know it's madness. It's just all "AIBU to not be interested in the same questions as some other random women?" All day long .

I don't mind the ones of the sort the OP mentions which I would call social dilemmas. These are social anxieties about wanting to do the right thing or fearful of doing the wrong thing, reflecting a society where such things are considered important but are very nuanced and rules and conventions are subtle and shifting.

What I don't get are the personal hygiene ones where they want to know how often someone washes / showers / changes the sheets/ their underwear. What sort of person thinks about this and thinks of it as a topic to post on? How do they manage to go through life with such preoccupations? But there's nowt so queer as folk.

And the ones that rile me are those that ask for something but don't want to give anything out in order to get it, and the poorly titled ones: unspecific, clickbait or cryptic: 'What do you think of this?' 'This' is the single must useless and annoying word in a thread title.