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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For parents to assume I’ll drive them everywhere

69 replies

Bellex · 05/05/2022 14:01

I don’t drink and haven’t for 6 year out of choice. My parents and their friends take this as I want to drive them everywhere.

After the first lockdown they had me every week drive them to their friends house which is an hour each way to take them and pick them up. This constantly impede on my plans but they’d get me to commit to early on in the month I couldn’t back out. After the 6th trip I’d had enough due to waiting for 30-60 mins for them to actually leave the house to get in the car.

My refusal ended up in massive argument and their friends telling me I was terrible daughter.

Fast forward in a few weeks my brother has a sporting event that all of our family are watching plus his friends. I know some other people going and was planning on going out after it. My mum has informed me that I now taking her, my dad plus two others their and back as she didn’t think I’d mind.

I’m quite annoyed about this and we’ve now had another argument which she has concluded I’m kicking off and being difficult about everything and she doesn’t get the issue. Currently we having a lot of arguments about the lack of boundaries and assumptions she constantly makes.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 05/05/2022 14:02

Tell them to get a taxi

CorsicaDreaming · 05/05/2022 14:09

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I've already made plans for after the do and I'm afraid I won't be able to transport you back."

"Sorry, no, it's already arranged."

"Look, I'm sorry but I can't."

End of.

Fair enough to help people out and support parents when you can but unless there is a big back story to this, they are taking the piss

And taking you for granted if they then make you wait around for over half hour / hour when you drive to especially pick them up...

Kids do this to parents all the time though 🤣

Ponoka7 · 05/05/2022 14:10

Are these places difficult to get to and do they have reduced mobility? How often exactly?

Wayfairtwo · 05/05/2022 14:13

YANBU...Once in a while, OK but it seems like you're being taken for a taxi here and its not nice. The fact that she didn't even ask you first about the sporting event and just thought you wouldn't mind tells me that's all she sees you for is a taxi driver.

hellcatspanglelalala · 05/05/2022 14:13

Of course YANBU, you just need to learn to say no.

Obviously if you were going somewhere and they were going too, it probably wouldn't be any hassle to give them a lift. But them expecting you to do one hour round trips to drop off then pick them back up is ludicrous.

As for this next occasion, you just have to say "no can do, I'm going straight out afterwards". Job done.

Vikinga · 05/05/2022 14:17

I have one child that drives and I do ask him for lifts occasionally but it is a request and not a demand and I always pay him. About £10 for a lift there and back (8 min drive each way). As a token of my appreciation of the inconvenience. Because driving is very expensive for him atm with high insurance and petrol costs. Because I would pay more for a taxi. Everyone wins and noone is taken advantage of.

Your parents are being ridiculous. Put your foot down op.

FlibbertyGiblets · 05/05/2022 14:18

Do you live with them? If so maybe time to move out, be less available. If you don't live with them just keep on saying nope am out, have other plans (even if you don't!) and go out.
So what if their friends think you're a terrible daughter? Shrug.

nearlyspringyay · 05/05/2022 14:19

Time to grow a backbone op

pippinsleftleg · 05/05/2022 14:23

No, sorry I have other plans. Then if they still expect you to do it just don’t turn up.

They will only stop walking all over you when you stand up for yourself.

ChocolateHippo · 05/05/2022 14:30

Fast forward in a few weeks my brother has a sporting event that all of our family are watching plus his friends. I know some other people going and was planning on going out after it. My mum has informed me that I now taking her, my dad plus two others their and back as she didn’t think I’d mind.

Like pp have said, don't let them 'inform you' what you are doing. Just say, 'No I'm not. I have other plans.'

Kinraddie · 05/05/2022 14:32

How old are you? And your parents? Does your brother ever drive them?

bigbluebus · 05/05/2022 14:49

How about "I can give you a lift there but you'll have to find your own way home as I'm going out with friends after the event so won't be returning until much later".

Marvellousmadness · 05/05/2022 14:52

you. Are doing this. To yourself

Say NO!!!!!

billy1966 · 05/05/2022 14:52

If you are living at home, you urgently need to move out.

Your parents sound very rude and disrespectful.

You need to put some space between you.

Step away.

Be around less, be massively less available.

Asking occasionally is reasonable, telling you is rude and presumptuous.

HairyBum · 05/05/2022 14:55

Surely you tell them you can take them there but they will need to get a taxi back as you’re not available later to help out

skgnome · 05/05/2022 14:56

Do you live with them rent free? If so, time to move out…
you just live nearby- stay saying no… sorry, got plans for after the match, can offer a lift there but not back…

BaconMassive · 05/05/2022 15:07

Sell your car and buy a motorbike/smart car.

Topseyt123 · 05/05/2022 15:14

Keep saying NO, and mean it. They are massively taking the piss.

Original poster
Bellex · 05/05/2022 18:28

I moved back in due to my new build being delayed. So pay my mum £650 a month to live here. I’m stuck at the moment as there is nowhere to rent short term and it’s meant to be ready in June now (8th time it’s moved). I’m 27 my brother 22. He never drives them anywhere but he is her favourite.

I do say no and she had got the message after many arguments and my auntie telling her she’s been unreasonable. But now she’s expecting it for my brother sporting event.

I’ve told her I’m not giving anyone a lift there as I can not provide one back. She’s still giving me grief about how unreasonable I am and never consider others 🙄

OP posts:
Stath · 05/05/2022 18:32

£650 a month rent to your parents?! Is that full board? Meals made for you?

YANBU

TonySmart · 05/05/2022 18:34

Just tell her she's welcome to a lift there but you're not coming back, so she'll have to make her own way home.

Leeds2 · 05/05/2022 18:39

With regard to your brother's event, I see nothing wrong with telling your parents that you will drive them and their friends to the event, but they will have to make their own way home.
Do neither of your parents, or their friends, drive, or do they just want to have a drink? In which case, one of them will have to stick to lemonade.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2022 18:44

Stick your guns. Your mother is fucking ridiculous.

Original poster
Bellex · 05/05/2022 20:19

650 is just for living her and some food when she fancies it. It’s not worth the hassle of the argument.

Parents and friends all drive they just want to drink.

My mums friends have text me to let me know how unreasonable I’m being 🙄

OP posts:
Duchess379 · 05/05/2022 21:15

Omg, you are being totally conned by your parents. £650 p/m & you're driving them about all the time - they're absolutely taking the piss. I'm sorry your parents are like this, you're definitely not being unreasonable 😶💕

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