For parents to assume I’ll drive them everywhere

[Bellex]

I don’t drink and haven’t for 6 year out of choice. My parents and their friends take this as I want to drive them everywhere.

After the first lockdown they had me every week drive them to their friends house which is an hour each way to take them and pick them up. This constantly impede on my plans but they’d get me to commit to early on in the month I couldn’t back out. After the 6th trip I’d had enough due to waiting for 30-60 mins for them to actually leave the house to get in the car.

My refusal ended up in massive argument and their friends telling me I was terrible daughter.

Fast forward in a few weeks my brother has a sporting event that all of our family are watching plus his friends. I know some other people going and was planning on going out after it. My mum has informed me that I now taking her, my dad plus two others their and back as she didn’t think I’d mind.

I’m quite annoyed about this and we’ve now had another argument which she has concluded I’m kicking off and being difficult about everything and she doesn’t get the issue. Currently we having a lot of arguments about the lack of boundaries and assumptions she constantly makes.

Your mistake is this: you dont have discussions about your boundaries, you SET THEM. This means that your mother will probably have a tantrum. So what? let her. Noone ever died from having a temper tantrum and I am afraid that if youve been allowing her to ride roughshod over your previous weak boundaries you are going to have to push past this anger stage which is a natural toddler reaction to being told "no".

Stand firm. She will through all sorts of accusations at you but that doesnt mean you have to accept them and agree with them. They are just her angry thoughts, they arent facts. Say NO now and dont explain. Let her be angry and eventually she will accept that you arent budging and she will have no choice but to accept it.

I'd take up drinking if I were you OP

In which case, they are just being massively unreasonable. I’d be annoyed about the additional cost of fuel alone.

Given how much they charge you they can more than afford a taxi.

I’m guessing golden child db pays zero rent?

How long are you there for?

It sounds like they are well off, you should say you need money for new house and ask to halve the rent you pay.

You need to set boundaries. Say you’re busy, and keep saying it when they ask and they’ll have to get the message. Your time matters just as much as theirs.

Bloody hell. Change your phone number so they can all leave you the fuck alone.

tell them you’re going to take up drinking again because at least then you weren’t out upon!

I can see why your parents are friends with these people - they're all as vile as each other. Can any of them actually drive themselves?

Text the friends and tell them you don't give lifts/do favours for rude poeple, and then block them. Tell your parents to pay for taxis out of the money they're ripping you off each month.

Cheeky fuckers. I wouldn't mind being the designated driver if I was out with them but expecting you to be an unpaid taxi is taking the piss.

Get a two seater car until you have kids 🤣No seriously they are being unreasonable. Stand your ground. Don’t care about your parents friends opinions either.

Block their friends for a start. They have no right to bully you and there is no need for them to have your number.

Just say you’re going for a drink afterwards every time she asks from now on. So what if it’s a lemonade. Suggest your brother, every time, as an alternative option.

You are so not unreasonable. Your parents' friends need to mind their own business.

My mother also accuses me of kicking off or being difficult when I set a boundary that doesn't suit her. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Ask your Auntie if you can move in with her.

£650 per month is obscene, especially when your brother no doubt lives there for free!

YABU just tell them you aren't doing it!

You are not a free taxi service.

If it’s somewhere you are all going, then fair enough for them to ask you to be the driver. Otherwise they need to pay for a taxi, or one of them needs to not drink.

Tell them to go forth and multiply. Good heavens - do they think you are a taxi service to facilitate their boozing?

I have DDs who all drive - occasionally they give me a lift somewhere as I have a slipped disc at present - but they offer, I do not ask.

I think if you are going to the event too and they live close by a lift is fine, but expecting you to drop and collect them places an hour away regularly when you aren't even going, just say no. We do one offs and the favour is returned, but my parents would never ask regularly.

I'm still raging on your behalf!! Glad auntie has sorted out the lifts, but I want to know how the heck your mum's friends have your number & have the audacity to text you, saying you are being unreasonable! This is like something out of a Charles Dickens novel where children were seen & not heard. I'd seriously move out, live in the back of your car if you have to & go NC with these piss takers. 💕

why were your mum's friends harassing you via text?

just block them, how awful and fucking wierd behaviour

as if your time/energy is theirs by default