Consultant recommending nursery for 18 month old DD to improve speech

[TakeMetoNY]

I’m a SAHM and this is my first child. DD was having reviews with a consultant as when she was born she was in NICU, but they’re happy her development is fine and have discharged her. Regarding speech, she babbles, copies the odd word we say (doesn’t use it independently), and knows some animal sounds. She points, understands everything etc. I take her to baby classes most days which she enjoys, but the consultant said whilst her speech is not quite delayed, they feel her speech would improve more if she was in nursery for just a couple of hours to benefit from being alongside other children. Everything I’ve read goes against this, that children tend to benefit from age 2.5 onwards, that they are best off with 1 to 1 care rather than the 3 to 1 in nursery, and that a couple of hours a week would be really hard for children as a week is too long for them to wait for the next session and if anything they’re better going more often. DD is quite sensitive and clingy and I don’t feel is emotionally ready. We plan to send her in a years time but we can afford it now should it be beneficial for her. So many people I’ve spoken to have told me how their child has thrived in nursery, but my gut tells me DD is just not that child. I would hate to delay her development though. I’m thinking perhaps she could do 2 hours a few times a week after her nap, but I’m just not sure if the cons of her being extremely upset being without me, weigh out the pros of a POTENTIAL improvement in speech. Not sure what to do?

Both my children went to nursery two days a week from age 1. They’ve both been early talkers but I can’t say that’s down to nursery in particular. I was very aware that at age 1 they didn’t ‘need’ to go to nursery and it felt a bit wrong at the time. However, by 18 months for both of them I could see they were gaining a lot from nursery. They were excited to go in, their language always seemed to blossom the day after and I know that nursery exposed them to things I wouldn’t have at home.

I think your child sounds absolutely normal in terms of development and don’t think there’s a need for nursery, but I do think they can gain quite a bit from it in small doses at that age.

Well I’d ignore the consultant, who sounds very naive about the small amount of attention babies get at nursery and who has only a very shallow understanding of your child.

What you need to do is narrate your day in front of the baby. All the time - well, as much as you can. “Now I’m opening the cupboard, what’s in here? What can you see? Is there an apple? Yes here is an apple. Apple! Can you say apple?” (Wave apple, big smile). Let’s have an apple! Now, we need a plate. Where is the plate? Here is a plate! Plate! Can you say plate? (big smile, wave the plate.)

etc etc etc it gets v mind-numbing but its how babies learn.

I'm a speech and language therapist. Your 18 month old definitely doesn't need to be in a nursery. They are not learning language from other children at that age - think how much language a 1-2 year old is using compared with how much language you and other adults are using around her. Many doctors (consultants included) know next to nothing about language, play and social development, so I say feel free to ignore on this occasion!

Is there any more nursery type playgroups where you can stay but allow her to interact more with other children in play activities?

Just thought that as a compromise, really. And it's not dissimilar to what would happen if she had siblings.

Oh gosh please do not worry about sending her to nursery. Do what you feel is right and best for her and your family set up.

That consultant is dishing out wrong advice I'm sorry but he is!

Yes nursery is great for many things but certainly no need to rush it if you don't need to. If she's understanding most of what you say then that's amazing!

My first child didn't say a word and I mean nothing not even mama or animal sounds until he was exactly 2.5. He understood everything so was told it would just come, and it did!

Both mine started nursery at age 2. Even then I felt it was quite early as still babies really but they did love it.

Go with your mummy instincts and what's best for you, her and your family set up. No one else's. It sounds like she's doing absolutely great to me. Enjoy the time at home 😊

My girl had speech delay, probably not helped by lockdown. We put her in nursery part-time and her speech came along leaps & bounds.

I would nod smile and completely ignore the consultant on this one. You know your baby best and one to one care is perfect at this age. No need to worry or rush ahead with speech, far too early. Relax, follow your instinct as a mother (doesn’t matter it’s your first) and enjoy your baby. I found as a first time mum one of the hardest things was filtering out well meaning advice. Just ignore.

If you don't think she's ready then I'd agree with you. What about meeting up with a friend with a child of the same age and really promoting lots of talking and interaction between the two of you adults and the babies? They won't play much together at this age but it would still be lots more language. And agreed about narrating and talking and reading books and singing all day long.

I get the principle, in that my (little) kids really love watching, copying and learning from other kids, especially those who are just slightly older/a few development steps ahead of them. But I don’t think nursery is necessarily the best approach - I would have thought going to regular toddler groups or under 5 stay-and-play type things would get you the same benefit. My elder 2 were quite late to talk (although not delayed) despite having been at nursery from 11 months and nursery were very supportive in helping their development. But I wouldn’t have sent them until they were older if we didn’t need childcare to work to live!

I would make sure you are doing a lot of singing , finger games and nursery rhyme activities with her, the more familiar she is with them the more inclined she will be to join in. Make sure when you do this that there are no other aural distractions, so tv off, phone off. The same with looking at books together, choose short books with repetitive text and activities that she can join in with non verbally ( Dear Zoo, Hungry Caterpillar for example) .

I am assuming you have had her hearing tested. Always start with the basics! Even minor hearing loss, or intermittent hearing loss through glue ear for example, can affect communication

@Lottapianos That's interesting that that's your perspective. All of the Ed Psychs, SALTs that we work with ( for our CLA ) often recommend nursery/extra learning provision to support with widening language skills. I do agree that it isn't strictly necessary though, depending on how active the parent is and the variety of experiences/vocabulary/engagement they offer.
Each child is very different and home circumstances obviously impact.

Personally, we often see our CLA of nursery age have a huge increase in language when they start nursery but that is due to very different home circumstances.

I home educate. So no nursery.
All my children have been talking in sentences before their 2nd birthday.
Talk, sing and read to them and they'll talk! No need for nursery

I have a niece who is the same age as my DC (same sex). About 5 weeks between them and just over 2 years old. Both have older siblings. Niece isn’t at nursery while my DC is in nursery 3 days a week.

My DC is talking in sentences and easy to understand while niece isn’t. When they are together you can tell there is a drastic difference in their speech. Motor skills are similar but speech and social skills are different.

It may have nothing to do with them being at nursery or not and this would have been the outcome regardless but I do feel nursery has brought on my DC is ways I can’t. So I have to disagree that children are better to be a primary care giver until 2.5 years.

my son didnt talk, sent him to nursery and was talking within 3 months, I think nursery is amazing and important for toddlers, both my kids love it. i find the nursery in our local primary school better than all the other nurserys

I can see what your consultant means but I don't think it'll work with only a few hours a week. I had two DC and I can see after I had my second how much more speech DC2 was getting compared to DC1. Most adults just the same way to children as they are among themselves. With DC2, DC1 kept up a constant stream of talk all the time, and did not act as if DC2 cannot talk. From what I remember in playgroups the DC do not know each other well enough to play in the same way.

However, that said, DC1 turned out fine. She just started speaking much later than DC2. In the long run, I don't think there is much difference. In your case, I think you can just ignore the consultant. You could try talking to your child more, explaining everything you are doing, but I don't believe I could do it, so I never blamed myself for not talking enough.

My dd is the same age and she goes to nursery a few hours a week (so seemingly what you've been recommended). I don't think it's made any impact on her speech. My son was at home with me full time until 3 years old, he was speaking in sentences by this age. My dd only says a handful of words but like your dd, she understands everything (in fact I have to be careful what I say around her!). I honestly wouldn't do anything you don't want to. Now I have two dcs I really can fully appreciate what everyone always told me with my first, and that is that they're all different and do things at their own pace.

Listen to your gut, definitely. Keep her with you, at this age, talk to her lots, and carry on taking her out and about to groups with other children.

My twins went to nursery from 8 months (early babies) and were speech delayed so it certainly didn’t help.

I think this might have come from reports of pandemic babies who have lost out on socialisation due to lockdowns and masks? If you’re taking her to baby classes and such then I think that’s fine.

Another SLT here. I disagree with your consultant. 1:1 time with an adult is the most helpful thing, as you can match your language to her interest in the moment. If you were struggling to interact with her at home then nursery might be beneficial but it sounds like you are doing great!

I think from 3, nursery is beneficial for most children in widening vocabularies and developing interaction skills, although this can be done in other ways too. It makes me cross it is recommended as blanket advice before that, potentially putting families under financial strain.

@ChildrenGrowingUpTooFast I had a similar experience. Both of mine have progressed well with talking, but my youngest spoke much earlier thanks to the constant stream of language from DD! However I don't think this happens as much in nursery where they are the same age. An 18m old is likely to be in a room with under 2s, so even those with good language skills probably haven't developed the social skills to 'parent' the others in the way they often do at 3/4.

my daughter sounds exactly like yours. 18 months points at everything, great non verbal communication and very good (maybe even advanced? Understand) but only has about 7 words. She has been in nursery 5 mornings since 12 months and while she absolutely loves it and definitely gets a lot from it, it obviously hasn’t improved her speech much. It just takes some kids longer with some things, as long as there are no other development concerns I would just continue as you are and give her more time.

My clingy, fussy and shy 14 month is a different child since starting nursery so I wouldn't worry too much about her missing you. My daughter can't wait to get in there. My son is nearly 3 and has been in nursery from about 14months. His speech is excellent. I think they're forced to articulate more with strangers than they are with their parents. Having said that, it seems your consultant is trying to solve a problem which doesn't exist.

'It makes me cross it is recommended as blanket advice before that, potentially putting families under financial strain'

Very much agree. It's also very undermining for parents, who can provide everything a child needs in order to develop attention, language and play skills at that age. I'm a big fan of nurseries for children aged 3 and over, but the idea that they are a magical solution to all developmental issues is just wrong

Agree with pps that nursery wouldn’t help and that more adult input may be needed. We’ve found that our DS’s speech comes on leaps and bounds after spending time on holiday with other family members or with our friends. He really wants to make himself understood. (He also started walking while visiting grandparents on holiday.)