Consultant recommending nursery for 18 month old DD to improve speech

[TakeMetoNY]

I’m a SAHM and this is my first child. DD was having reviews with a consultant as when she was born she was in NICU, but they’re happy her development is fine and have discharged her. Regarding speech, she babbles, copies the odd word we say (doesn’t use it independently), and knows some animal sounds. She points, understands everything etc. I take her to baby classes most days which she enjoys, but the consultant said whilst her speech is not quite delayed, they feel her speech would improve more if she was in nursery for just a couple of hours to benefit from being alongside other children. Everything I’ve read goes against this, that children tend to benefit from age 2.5 onwards, that they are best off with 1 to 1 care rather than the 3 to 1 in nursery, and that a couple of hours a week would be really hard for children as a week is too long for them to wait for the next session and if anything they’re better going more often. DD is quite sensitive and clingy and I don’t feel is emotionally ready. We plan to send her in a years time but we can afford it now should it be beneficial for her. So many people I’ve spoken to have told me how their child has thrived in nursery, but my gut tells me DD is just not that child. I would hate to delay her development though. I’m thinking perhaps she could do 2 hours a few times a week after her nap, but I’m just not sure if the cons of her being extremely upset being without me, weigh out the pros of a POTENTIAL improvement in speech. Not sure what to do?

Well, my extremely articulate teenager, who was always at home at that age, had a few recognised sounds at 21 months with loads of bird squeaks. She had paragraphs with excellent enunciation at 22 months.

Unless there is more obvious cause for concern (and I wouldn’t think just a young age is), then carry on as you are.

I bought this for my son back when it was (an expensive!) DVD, it helped him when he was starting to learn to talk. Try popping it on when you need a break from all the reading and singing

I’m a SAHM too - DD1 was an early/advanced talker, she stayed at home with me until she was 3 then started a little bit of nursery and actually she regressed quite a lot in her speech as she started copying the way she heard other kids say words, missing out letters etc. although that didn’t last too long thankfully. DD2 was like yours, she understood everything and could communicate really well but only had a very few words and a lot of made up words too! I was worried but after she turned 2 it was honestly like a flick switched in her brain and she just started talking, easily 10 new words every single day, it was like she had swallowed a dictionary! They all get there in their own time and you’ll know yourself when she’s ready for nursery, trust your gut. When DD1 started at 3 she was ready and I’ve never had a single tear or backwards glance from her.

I have 2 DC - one went (through necessity) to nursery at 1 and one has never been. They were both early speakers and have developed along the same lines.

The first one found nursery very difficult and cried every single drop off for years, used to beg us not to send him etc. It was worth it to send him as a family - the second income allowed us to move house etc - but I do feel quite sad about all the time at nursery, he just never really settled even over years. Everyone should do what they need to do for their family but I did roll my eyes a bit when people would say how it’s because of nursery that he was talking, knew his numbers, colours etc - they pick it up whether at nursery or at home.

Some children's speech may be delayed due to home circumstances - lack of parental interaction, too much use of TV & tablets, etc, etc. Therefore 'send her to nursery' is probably a way of encouraging her out of the house, away from devices and in contact with other adults. This just doesn't apply in your case so I'd ignore.

Why not try a morning session and see how she enjoys it? If she absolutely hates it then park the idea and try again later.

'DD is quite sensitive and clingy'
For that reason you should put her in daycare. Not for speech reasons

Ignore, obviously just a dr with a bias towards nursery. Baby groups plus a sahm is probably better assuming you actively interact with lo at home (remember he may have patients who park their child in front of the tv for hours at a time). Best thing you can do is plenty of reading and talking to your child. I had one who didn't talk until 2 and one until 3.5!

Yes, agree with this constant narration being very beneficial. Plus reading lots of books is good too.

Children of taciturn parents can struggle with language as they just don’t hear as much of it as some other babies do. So that might be why he suggested it. But I agree, if you can provide the exposure yourself then that your 1:1 care is great. But not all parents want or can talk so much to a baby who doesn’t talk back and for those babies, being amongst others who do talk more is beneficial. Babies need to hear language to learn it (or see it, in the case of sign language) and for some families, nursery can help with this.

She doesn't have to do nursery but she will benefit from hearing lots of language (talk as much as you can & narrate the day) and from hearing lots of different people speak - go to toddler groups or hang out with other people. There are studies showing that babies learn a lot from hearing a variety of different voices and different types of conversation.

Unless you make a clone of your baby, send one to nursery and keep one at home, there's no way of knowing how much difference it makes. I sent mine at 1- he loves it and a year later he speaks well, but I've no idea if that's down to nursery.

Speech therapist recommended we sent DS to nursery to help his speech. We followed her guidance after 2 years in nursery DS is still non verbal.

Their advice is not always correct you know your child better than anyone. Do you think she would benefit from going to nursery for a few hours a week?

My DS had/has speech delay/issues. Despite my talking non stop to them (I’ve DTs) since they were babies, DS still had difficulties. His language absolutely exploded once he started nursery. Fair enough if you feel it’s not right for you currently, but I’ve found it to be a massive help. Nursery have also helped with behavioural strategies for DS, and also hassled external services to gain extra support for him. He still has speech issues (he’s now 4) but he’s gained so much confidence and tries new words now that I’ve not taught him!

That consultant sounds batshit. Nursery doesn't help an 18 month old speak! Why on earth has he suggested that rather than a SALT referral?

He sounds ignorant at best, and stupid at worst.

Sorry but that's far more likely to be coincidence rather than cause and effect.

It's completely up to you. If you can put the effort in to speak allll the time at home then that should help.

WTF? That's as stupid a response as the consultant's - daycare isn't going to change her personality you know! She's more likely to become increasingly anxious and clingy if she goes to daycare - nursery isn't suitable for all babies, some need a childminder in a home setting.

I agree.

I’d be very surprised if you found a nursery that would take her for a couple of hours a week only. And I can’t see what benefit a couple of hours a week in nursery would have over a toddler playgroup or whatever.

children tend to benefit from age 2.5 onwards, that they are best off with 1 to 1 care rather than the 3 to 1 in nursery, and that a couple of hours a week would be really hard for children as a week is too long for them to wait for the next session

you are right.
children under 3 need 1:1 care with a limited number of familiar adults. We use nurseries because we need to work. If we went with only what was best for kids it would be home environments with interact pro-active people.
Unfortunately as mocktail says, that type of home is not guaranteed.

Yes, my nephew is like that - he’s three and doesn’t mix with other children much. He speaks like an adult, using adverbs and subordinate clauses - it’s amazing.

That said, I’m not convinced speaking like an adult will serve him well when he starts school.

'DD is quite sensitive and clingy'
For that reason you should put her in daycare. Not for speech reasons

for children under school age, when they are clingy, you let them cling and encourage them to explore in their own time and at their own speed.
Forcing clingy toddlers into nursery will 'work' on the surface, they will eventually get used to it, but they may well then struggle with separation later, typically when they start school.

I'm another speech & language therapist and I agree that the consultant's advice, on this occasion, isn't necessarily the most helpful. Nursery can be beneficial for some children, for sure, but it sounds like you are an engaged, active parent who is giving your child good foundations for communication development.

Keep talking to your child about what interests them and comment about what they are interested in, rather than questioning them. "Teaching, not testing" is a good reminder to yourself that you are the person that helps them learn about the world by giving them the language that they need to know. Asking questions puts pressure on them to perform and may not be helpful, especially with sensitive children. The BBC's 'Tiny, Happy People' website has lots of great ideas to help develop communication skills. Good luck!

THIS. Otherwise you will be 'that parent' whose child is clinging to them howling on the first day of Reception.