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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

new baby mum friend concerns.

85 replies

MiniMoon12 · 04/05/2022 22:39

Ok, this is going to sound ridiculous and please tell me if I am being to much, all advice welcome!
I moved to a new area and made some 'mum friends' at baby groups, they are lovely girls and its been refreshing meeting new people. One of the girls I formed a good friendship with, often meeting with the kids and going for coffee etc.
The story stands that my child has some health conditions, and she is on a high calorie diet, it is vital she eats her food.
The issue I am having is that my friends little one is an over eater. He will cry and scream until he gets food, I have caught him eating dry pasta and rice from a kids play kitchen and he will eat food off the floor.
He is constantly pinching at my daughters snacks, not half the snack or a bite, he will take the whole thing and if he cant get to it he will cry and kick off and I feel I have to pass on some of my child's snacks/food to him as I feel my friend gives me this guilt trip look that im depriving her child of food.
My friends child has had numerous chocking incidents because he gorges on food, and I get so worried that he will choke on something he has pinched off my childs plate and it will be my fault.
Im not silly and I know my child is no angel and will try anything to get out of eating but it is really important she does.
My friend knows my child's health conditions and I have explained this to them on a number of occasions but I feel like its not sinking in. She is never stopping her child from taking off my childs plate and I have found I am recently trying to find excuses to not see them.
I feel so so so awful but its frustrating as I feel like its not my place to tell him off but they know the situation and we have discussed it, I also drop hints when the kids are eating in the hope they will understand but its to no avail.
Am I being to much?

OP posts:

PinkSyCo · 06/05/2022 10:36

MiniMoon12 · 05/05/2022 20:43

Hi everyone, thank you for your comments, all are really helpful so again thank you.
I actually met up with her this morning and took the kids to a country park, meaning her DS wanted to stop in the coffee shop for cake. I had packed a lunch box for my my child and said that we would be happy to go without and carry on playing/walking. Of course we had to be led by her son having a tantrum and visit the coffee shop. In true form with his own food infront of him he still made a move on my daughters food, I said firmly that he could not have my childs food and the reason why and to eat the food his mum had brought him, pointing it out.
My ''friend'' sat there and did not even raise an eye lid, not even looking up at situation or telling him to listen etc, I almost think that she thinks his behaviour is ok and it did annoy me, I made a point of telling her today about the snack situation and again about my child's conditions and how it was effecting my child thinking its ok to give her food away (partly my fault for letting this escalate), She seemed annoyed and was really blunt for the walk back to the car after the coffee shop. She just packed up and went, i barely got a goodbye, She hasnt spoke to me since😮

She sounds like an infuriatingly stupid and lazy parent, so good riddance to her I’d say.

Copperpottle · 06/05/2022 13:03

You need to step in. You prevent the other child from stealing the food, you say 'no', you remove it from his grasping little hands and you tell his dimwitted mother to sort him out.

Then you stop responding to get invites because her kid sounds like a greedy nightmare and she's not parenting him at all.

Copperpottle · 06/05/2022 13:04

Sorry, didn't read last page. Glad you're shut of her. What a life she'll lead letting her kid act like that. She should be ashamed!

MangoJuice008 · 06/05/2022 13:07

I would just not meet up with her anymore, if she knows what your daughter needs are and doesn't pack extra snacks for him despite him taking her food then she's a CF clearly.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/05/2022 13:10

Hardbackwriter · 06/05/2022 10:22

It is really clear that OP dislikes this little boy in a way that's bit bizarre given that he's clearly very young. Given that one of the mums is being inconsiderate and cavalier about the other one's child's health needs and one of them has developed a dislike for the other one's child it doesn't seem like there's much salvageable about this friendship, really.

It's clear she dislikes this child's behaviour and the last of input from his mother.

Herejustforthisone · 06/05/2022 13:20

AlasEarwacs · 05/05/2022 23:29

@Herejustforthisone that's a massive bloody drip feed though isn't it? So no on reflection I don't regret it

The story stands that my child has some health conditions, and she is on a high calorie diet, it is vital she eats her food

The OP literally wrote this in her first post. So not a drip feed, just an expansion on the information she gave.

KettrickenSmiled · 06/05/2022 13:31

So maybe you could bring enough for the both of them if you value this friendship?

What would be the point of that?
If the friend valued the friendship, she'd bring enough food for her own child, & stop him from stealing OP's.

She hasn't, despite repeated requests.
Because she doesn't care about teaching her son manners, regulating his approach to food, helping her friend's DD get the food she needs by ensuring it's not stolen by her child.
Therefore she patently does not value the friendship.
As evidenced by her huffy retreat when OP finally imposed a hard boundary. Game over.

emuloc · 06/05/2022 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

This is a young child you are talking about. Not nice.

Folklore9074 · 06/05/2022 13:53

I'd just leave it now OP, she sounds like a bit of dick.

Its odd with new mum friends, you have a lot in common in one sense but in another very little at all. I've found that just because you have babies the same age doesn't mean you'll have lots in common. Lovely when you do but things like parenting style or a miss-match in attitudes towards life can get in the way.

Remember you did nothing wrong her, just let her go.

Crimesean · 06/05/2022 14:29

AlasEarwacs · 05/05/2022 20:55

@MiniMoon12 I wouldn't speak to you either after that, your friendship is over. Find friends who you find are as good at parenting as you are and don't have to go to the cafe for a treat because you have brought your own child's food.

You sound so full of yourself. Your child has a medical condition and needs to eat. Do you constantly go on about how thin she is? Maybe your friend thinks you have an eating disorder or maybe she hasn't got round to telling you that her child has a disorder because you go on about your child's more and she's embarrassed?

Either way the friendship is over so find someone else who fits your needs to talk about how much your child is eating around other children who don't understand why they can't have any

Is there a support group you could join?

Wow! I think you might be projecting a bit there @AlasEarwacs - do you have an overweight or greedy child? I would guess so from your response.

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