new baby mum friend concerns.

[MiniMoon12]

Ok, this is going to sound ridiculous and please tell me if I am being to much, all advice welcome!
I moved to a new area and made some 'mum friends' at baby groups, they are lovely girls and its been refreshing meeting new people. One of the girls I formed a good friendship with, often meeting with the kids and going for coffee etc.
The story stands that my child has some health conditions, and she is on a high calorie diet, it is vital she eats her food.
The issue I am having is that my friends little one is an over eater. He will cry and scream until he gets food, I have caught him eating dry pasta and rice from a kids play kitchen and he will eat food off the floor.
He is constantly pinching at my daughters snacks, not half the snack or a bite, he will take the whole thing and if he cant get to it he will cry and kick off and I feel I have to pass on some of my child's snacks/food to him as I feel my friend gives me this guilt trip look that im depriving her child of food.
My friends child has had numerous chocking incidents because he gorges on food, and I get so worried that he will choke on something he has pinched off my childs plate and it will be my fault.
Im not silly and I know my child is no angel and will try anything to get out of eating but it is really important she does.
My friend knows my child's health conditions and I have explained this to them on a number of occasions but I feel like its not sinking in. She is never stopping her child from taking off my childs plate and I have found I am recently trying to find excuses to not see them.
I feel so so so awful but its frustrating as I feel like its not my place to tell him off but they know the situation and we have discussed it, I also drop hints when the kids are eating in the hope they will understand but its to no avail.
Am I being to much?

@MiniMoon12 I wouldn't speak to you either after that, your friendship is over. Find friends who you find are as good at parenting as you are and don't have to go to the cafe for a treat because you have brought your own child's food.

You sound so full of yourself. Your child has a medical condition and needs to eat. Do you constantly go on about how thin she is? Maybe your friend thinks you have an eating disorder or maybe she hasn't got round to telling you that her child has a disorder because you go on about your child's more and she's embarrassed?

Either way the friendship is over so find someone else who fits your needs to talk about how much your child is eating around other children who don't understand why they can't have any

Is there a support group you could join?

I do attend a support group with other parents in the same situation as me yes.

@MiniMoon12 then maybe focus on that because her parenting isn't doing it for you and you've clearly offended her today with your behaviour.

It's up to you whether you reach out to her but it seems from your posts she won't be contacting you again

@AlasEarwacs Are you the "friend"? Or one of those mums who expects the world to feel honoured to subsidise her child? Or one who thinks her darling is just being cute when he bullies another child? Whatever it is, your attitude is plain nasty.

I don't think the OP is unreasonable to be fed up of providing for someone else's child at the expense of her own. If the other mum really cared she could pull herself together and come prepared.

To the PP who mentioned a documentary that might explain the friend's boy's difference around food - if the boy does have a condition, might it be a ghrelin deficiency?
www.yourhormones.info/hormones/ghrelin/

(I understand that approx 25% of labradors are considered to have a genetic ghrelin deficiency ... dog lovers will get this ...)

Er, the OP wasn't doing it for vanity purposes or to try and prove what a superior parent she is. Her child has a medical condition ffs! And one that her friend was fully aware of, yet still sits passively back whilst her child makes a grab for anything that isn't his!

I'd say you're well rid OP. Just let this friendship go.

No I'm
Not her friend. Not that her friend is her friend any more.

Prada Willi syndrome

OK the coffee shop update is just weird, but I do see that the friend is in a bit of bind while out with you. If her kid is very, let's say... food motivated, it isn't going to be easy for him to sit there with nothing while your DD gets constantly given food. Your friend probably doesn't want to bring a bunch of snacks because her son doesn't need them and shouldn't have them. That doesn't excuse her lack of parenting but I'm not sure what the solution is, except maybe meet up without your kids.

Not sure how old the kid is, but I have a similarly food motivated 2 year old. I am strict on her food and behaviour, and she isn't badly behaved generally, but she's only 2 - she would be crying in this kids situation.

The mum should have stopped this when it first happened. I wouldn't let my 10 month old take someone else's food its just rude. She seems to take no parental responsibility.

How old are they?

Anyway, you sound sweet. She sounds like a CF so its her loss 😁

OP I'm really sorry that 'AlasEarwacs' felt the need to be so nasty about the situation that developed with your friend today, her comments were unnecessary. However, it would appear clear that this friend has got the hump because you forced her to listen to your situation today, and have now clearly put some boundaries in place. You're definitely better off without 'friends' like this, so in future I'd steer clear, and I certainly wouldn't even think of apologising, if that's what's going through your mind

I think you did the right thing. She has ignored your every effort to go about this in a less confrontational way. It sounds like she expects you to accommodate your DD’s medical needs AND provide snacks for her kid.She isn’t doing her kid any favours by allowing him to behave like an unwelcome labrador at a picnic, anyway. He sounds like he is just one of those kids who is so accustomed to getting whatever he wants he’s going to be a nightmare when boundaries need to be enforced, ie. school.

My son will pinch others food given half a chance. He is swiftly told no and the item returned to the original child. Why isn't she doing this? Illness or not, he should be taught not to steal food from others, it's rude anyway!

Plus she should be bringing her own snacks for her child! Okay sure, sometimes they are forgotten or whatever then fine, you can supply a snack or two. If you both see each other often, I find thag sort of thing evens out in the end. But not if she never brings them with her and is always expecting you to provide!!

🤨

They were only sitting there because her son screamed for cake. OP suggested they could just continue.

Does your DD have CF?

Because you are a normal caring mother trying to teach your LO life lessons. OPs friend is a knob.

My DD was born at 24 weeks, she has a multitude of issues with her kidneys, heart and brain. We have been given the all clear for CF x

You're absolutely doing the right thing having an honest direct conversation with the child and your friend. Well done. Hopefully friendship can survive this, but if not then it shows she wasn't a very good friend. Carrying on as you are wasn't an option.

I agree with this. My child is quite food motivated so when we go out I try to limit how many snacks I take. Doesn't help when my friend then brings a whole bag full for her child because then my child wants to share them all 🤦🏻‍♀️ and then I find it stressful and tbh I get bored of saying 'no that's not yours' if she didn't understand the first five times, then another gazillion won't help.

So maybe you could bring enough for the both of them if you value this friendship? Or just meet up for an hour so you don't need to take any?

I'm sorry this friendship hasn't worked out op.

Don't let it stop you and dd getting out and and making new friends.

I found making Mum friends to be a trial and error process - 14 years and three kids in, I have one Mum friend who is ace.

Sounds like you are doing a great job for her. Only wondered as we have a family member with CF in the same snacking situation. She sounds like a little fighter ❤️

I'm just sorry arse holes like this woman and her entitled son have pissed on your parade. Don't let it stop you mixing with other parents and children, I can assure you the rest of us folk are not like that! (I hope!)

As someone else has said... its going to be fun when the child starts schools and has boundaries 😬😬😬

I am always happy to take onboard critisicm and understand some people wont agree with me, I have never claimed to be the perfect parent just trying to do my best for my baby. I hope I haven't offended anyone, I am just seeking advice as I don't really know anyone in this new area I live in :) Thank you all for your help, it really is appreciated. x

I do hope @AlasEarwacs is reconsidering their shitty-for-the-sake-of-it post now.

YANBU. I have a 2 year old who’s obsessed with food and tries to take it from others but I always feel mortified and I absolutely never let him. It’s rude and inconsiderate, esspecially in your case. Definitely keep standing up for yourself but there would be a point where I’d simply draw the line and would stop meeting with her. Now it’s about very simple stuff like food but as soon as they’re older and her DC starts to cross your DC’s boundaries in other ways (eg hitting or taking toys from them) I very much doubt she’d tell them no, she’s a CF and I can’t stand them.

@Herejustforthisone that's a massive bloody drip feed though isn't it? So no on reflection I don't regret it