To think this is cruel for a puppy?

[walkingonnete]

My sister shares a 9 year old daughter with her ex - they coparent very well and they get on great as friends - for instance, they will have a coffee and a chat at drop offs etc.

My niece is an only child and has been asking for a puppy. Both my sister and ex BIL want a dog but are unable to do it alone so they agreed on a puppy shared between two houses. Basically the puppy will be with my sister on the nights she has niece and the puppy with be with ex BIL the nights he has niece.

They got the puppy last week and she is so tiny and sister has just called me and said she has dropped her off there and is a bag of nerves. She has been training her etc and it's been going well but she's worried about leaving her.

I have told sister this will never work, I have had dogs all my adult life and they need consistency. They will never know their owner if they are here, there and everywhere. I also can't imagine getting a puppy, building a bond then leaving them to go to a random house.

It breaks my heart thinking how confused this poor puppy will be tonight.

The puppy is at ex BIL tonight then back with sister tomorrow then back with ex BIL on Friday until Monday. How can that not be confusing to the pup?

I give it a few months before they have to re home. It won't work but she is adamant it will. AIBU?

I’m not sure about a puppy but I have a couple of dogs who come for the day most weekdays. They’re perfectly at home and settled here and seem very happy.

I think as long as training and boundaries are consistent it will probably be fine.

Mynpuppy would have coped well with this arrangement.

My married friends have a holiday home that they use frequently - several weekends a month. They also both work away from home frequently. One of the parents sometimes WFH in holiday location as it’s near on of their work sites. They have one child and one dog, the dog from a puppy. So that puppy has been trained and loved across two homes and multiple combinations of house/people. Dog is fine.

I would have thought it would be fine so long as the training is consistent and the puppy is loved and enjoyed in both places.

My DH worked away when one of our dogs was young, she'd do the weekend at home then go to work with him during the week, or stay with me and go to my parents/to work with me etc. She travelled all over the place but she always had a space that was her own (crate) wherever we were, training was consistent and she was with someone she knew. It was fine, she's a perfectly secure, happy dog. Nuts, but that's her breed - there's no anxiety issues. I've known lots of people with similar set-ups to the one I've outlined, from puppyhood, and, to my knowledge, it's never caused an issue. Dogs are pretty resilient, if they have consistency in most other aspects then a change of scenery to another familiar place shouldn't cause an issue.

I know a couple that split and the dog goes between their two homes, although the dog was about 3 when they started. They both adore the dog and it helps with fitting the dogs needs around their work. I don’t think this will be a problem as long as the dog has love and consistent training.

The puppy will be absolutely fine. My daughter got a dog in lockdown, a 5 month old rescue. The dog has lived between my daughters house, our house and my sister in laws house for the last 2 years as after lockdown my daughters job role completely changed. It’s worked really well. She’s a lovely, settled dog. She loves being at my SIL’s as it’s in the beach, she loves coming to us and playing non stop with our dogs.

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”

If the puppy knows no different it shouldnt make a jot of difference. As far as it is concerned its normal to have two loving homes :-)