To think this is cruel for a puppy?

[walkingonnete]

My sister shares a 9 year old daughter with her ex - they coparent very well and they get on great as friends - for instance, they will have a coffee and a chat at drop offs etc.

My niece is an only child and has been asking for a puppy. Both my sister and ex BIL want a dog but are unable to do it alone so they agreed on a puppy shared between two houses. Basically the puppy will be with my sister on the nights she has niece and the puppy with be with ex BIL the nights he has niece.

They got the puppy last week and she is so tiny and sister has just called me and said she has dropped her off there and is a bag of nerves. She has been training her etc and it's been going well but she's worried about leaving her.

I have told sister this will never work, I have had dogs all my adult life and they need consistency. They will never know their owner if they are here, there and everywhere. I also can't imagine getting a puppy, building a bond then leaving them to go to a random house.

It breaks my heart thinking how confused this poor puppy will be tonight.

The puppy is at ex BIL tonight then back with sister tomorrow then back with ex BIL on Friday until Monday. How can that not be confusing to the pup?

I give it a few months before they have to re home. It won't work but she is adamant it will. AIBU?

It's not cruel at all. Lots of puppies go to daycare from 12 weeks old - is this really any different?

Puppy will be just fine.

It will be fine.

my mum constantly looks after my grandmas dog for weekends. We joke that the dog is going to her country house for the weekend 🤪

If human kids have to get used to this kind of arrangement at all ages, a puppy will do fine.

Many pups go to a dog sitter, this is like that only with people it loves.

It'll be fine

It's a dog. An animal.
If a human child coped, that dog will cope.

I can't see that this is any different to going to day care, or with its owners to a holiday cottage. It's only two houses to get used to, and three people. I think the puppy might take a bit longer to settle overnight/housetraining, but will otherwise be fine.

Best advice to give to your sister is to book puppy into puppy class (the KC good citizen puppy foundation is a good start) and have the child heavily involved with training. If the parents take turns and your niece is always present, it will be a fantastic experience for all. And puppy will have constant training. Win Win

I would personally think for the first few months of its life it should be in one home. Its been removed from its mother. It needs to feel safe. Then once settled there then it's time to introduce the 2nd home. Much like a newborn baby wouldn't be sent between homes.

Human children are sent to nurseries, childminders, for sleepovers at grandparents, swap between divorced parents homes, all from young ages.

And you are more worried about the puppy? It'll be fine as long as they are consistent with rules/training.

Dinorock

This isnt a newborn puppy. It's a weaned puppy old enough to have left its mother.

It’s a dog, it’ll be fine. It might be good for your niece to have the continuity of the dog going between homes with her (although you don’t seem bothered about your niece having the upheaval of two homes, only the dog..)

But a 12 week old puppy isn't the equivalent of a human newborn.

At 12 weeks, a puppy is old enough to be left alone for very short periods, to go on walks, to attend daycare, to socialise with other dogs.

Nothing bad will happen because the puppy lives in two different homes - if anything, it will be hugely beneficial as the puppy will have two, wonderful homes to go and lots of people to socialise and spend time with.

Ah yes fair point. Ignore me. If its fine for a 1 year old child it's fine for a dog.

Yes my mistake, its been so long since I had a dog in my life .

That would be very unkind to do to a cat, but I would have thought a dog would cope.

As long as both homes want, love and care for the dog I think it will be fine. It might take a tad longer for the pup to settle and be trained but dogs are very adaptable. Many dogs spend time with dog sitters quite happily. I had cabin crew friends that left their dogs with sitters for days. The dogs were perfectly happy.
As for your comments about them still being tied together in nine years time when the child is 18, they have a daughter! They’ll be tied in some ways forever. It’s good if they can work together.

And you sound rather judgemental!

I agree
I don't think it works well for most kids either to be split between two homes, but am ready to have my arse handed to me for that unpopular opinion.

What's the other option then? Genuine question.

@JoeGoldberg that she lives in one home?

Pup will be fine. Your sister gas her most of the month. Lots of dogs go elsewhere for care or visits

I think it would be more unkind to have it in one house for a few weeks until it's trained and settled and then send it somewhere else. It'll seem like it's leaving it's mother again.

Better to get it used to it's routine from the beginning.

I think it will be fine. If they always send it’s bed and toys with it and have the same food bowls etc if will help.
when we got our first puppy as children many years ago we were all going to London for the day a couple of weeks later. So my parents booked the puppy into the kennels for a couple of nights, people were horrified such a young pup was going into kennels. Pup was fine, very much fussed over in the kennels because they didn’t get such young ones. Now leaving pups in daycare in normal

cats are also fine between two houses as we frequently have a relatives cat when they go on holiday. The cat knows exactly where he is and is quite happy

But it's none of your business whether the parents will be still tied together when the kid turns 18🥴

I have had my mum's dog to stay occasionally since about 6 months old, no problem. Dog has learned that stairs are ok here, but not there, and knows 'pavement etiquette' required at ours - dog is happy everywhere, with everyone. Arrangement seems to suit all. Just make 'house rules' clear to puppy and they'll be ok.

But it's absolutely none of your business. If your niece manages it ok then so will a puppy.

And actually I was asking that poster what they'd suggest re. children not living between two houses. Because when a marriage ends that tends to be the only option.