to give dog away to trainer

[usuallyquiet1]

Hello, i know this is awful and i feel so bad about it but am struggling to get used to life with a dog. He is so sweet natured and generally lovely but my 2 main troubles are not leaving the house for more than 3 hours as i dont want him to be alone, and my daughter (shes 4) cant have any toys downstairs anymore.

We are first time dog owners and ive done that typical thing of not knowing what i was getting into. Our dog trainer has seen im struggling and said she could take him if we cant manage. I wondered if anyone has come through the other side of this and either learned to love their dog , or has given their dog away and never been forgiven by their child ! Thats my other worry, will she and my husband ever forgive me.
How do people mange with dogs and small children, i think i had an idea they would play together but in reality my daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as the dog chews up anything in sight. I guess this seems really basic as a question but i struggle to believe in myself and swing in mood and decision. The dog (im only not saying name as trying to be discreet !) is only 10 months old and has been with us for 8 months now. He is walked twice a day and we send him to dog care if going out but its such an adjustment never going out unless preplanned again. Does anyone else struggle with their dog and do their children play with it ?
i think my aibu is , am i satan if i give away our daughters first pet for the sanity of the family !

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating things.

1. It will get easier (much like having a baby), the dog will get less hyper, less inclined to chew, and will cope with being left for longer periods.
2. Having a dog and small children together is hard! Their needs often conflict. Don't feel bad for finding it difficult.
3. Keep going with training, it will be so worth it.
4. It is ok to "manage" the dog in the home. Use gates to keep it in or out of specific rooms while still being able to see you. How you do that depends on the layout of your house. In one house we used to gate the dog in the kitchen at times to allow play in the rest of the house. In another house, we had a playroom so gated the child in there and the dog out. As long as the dog (or child) isn't shut away from the family all the time then that is fine.
5. Make friends with other doggy people nearby then you can look after each other's dogs so you can have days out.
6. If you do give it to the trainer you know it will have a good home so no need to beat yourself up.

Its not a training aid, its a threat
Your dog behaves at the sight of the airspray because hes scared of it
Its an awful way to treat any animal

You have the dog for 8 months only yet you expect him to be perfect. He is still a baby, still has a lot to learn. If you feel you cannot put in the hours, the best course is to let him go. Do it sooner rather than later as it will lessen the trauma of him losing his home. There are plenty of breed charities that will help him find his forever home. I'm not being harsh on you but I think you aren't prepared for the time, cost and effort involved with dog ownership.

I'm late to the thread but glad you're feeling more positive OP. Try not to beat yourself up - I think probably the reality of a puppy can be a shock to the system however much someone researched/prepared. There's a reason people talk about the puppy blues.

Your pup is an adolescent and his brain is a construction site right now which won't be helping but as with kids, keep repeating, "it's a phase, this too shall pass". It's really important to keep on keeping on with training and expect some regressions and to be revisiting basics as they move through the teenage arsehole phase. Persevere and you should have a lovely companion dog at age 2ish but it is a long path though and I think the 6 week puppy courses maybe need to be clearer about that. There are lots of classes out there specifically for adolescent dogs. At a class like that you meet other owners going through the same tricky stage, too, which can be supportive.

I have an adolescent cocker, not a cockapoo, but cockapoos are half cocker after all so if it helps, mine (and many cockers) need lots of help learning to settle and to switch off but they also SO need the rest and downtime. We have done and continue to do lots of work with ours on that. His nap times are times when DS has free run and my full attention so it helps with balancing everyone's needs to make sure our dog is getting enough rest and downtime. It is also good for DS to learn to be considerate of the dog so I don't feel guilty that he has to give and take a bit, too.

We are doing training to give outlets for his breed instincts and short bouts of brain work tire him like nothing else, which also helps with balancing time for everyone in the house. I have seen cockapoos described as dogs with the brain of a professor and the attitude of a toddler who's eaten all the blue smarties...! It might be worth your while seeing a trainer who has specific experience with spaniels and spaniel crosses. We've got on best with trainers who own spaniels and know and love them :-)

I haven't read the whole thread OP , and I don't know if anyone has suggested "borrow my doggie" I have joined but as many of the "owners" want their dogs minded in the "borrowers" home which I can't do as I have cats!
I'm happy to take anyones dog off for a very long tiring walk several times a week, I'm sure there are others like me who would give you some respite.

i think im missing some things out but as an update we are getting him neutered but waiting until next month as then he can recover in peace (its after school hols !) He does have his own chew toys and we do try and rotate so he doesnt get bored.

Im unfair saying our trainer, she did a pup course with us when he was small and has since looked after him once when we were on holiday . We are not currently in training with her. She really is fantastic and said we could call with any questions at anytime. She doesn't know of the current situation .
I think in all honesty ive been clueless and joined dog sites to read up on things and looked up food and sleep and basic training but not got any further. We started today with the leave it command (which he knows for treats) and we trained using my girls toys. He got it , and im going to work on this and other things each day now. Hes currently chewing on a yak thing and looking well happy.
Really a massive thank you, mumsnet is so good for this and im really glad of the help

This sounds good progress but please don’t think that neutering will solve all the issues, you should read up on it to see pros and cons - sometimes it makes make dogs more aggressive and you should be sure to fix the underlying issues first

@usuallyquiet1
Have you tried clicker training? I found it very useful and can be done along side treat training. The other thing I would suggest is having a look at logic toys where they have to figure out the way to get a treat out, snuffle mats for dry food and kong toys. If you can get him using kongs but only when he is quiet and well behaved, you can use them as a comforter when you go out. Dog training is not easy but I so worthwhile and builds such a bond.