to give dog away to trainer

[usuallyquiet1]

Hello, i know this is awful and i feel so bad about it but am struggling to get used to life with a dog. He is so sweet natured and generally lovely but my 2 main troubles are not leaving the house for more than 3 hours as i dont want him to be alone, and my daughter (shes 4) cant have any toys downstairs anymore.

We are first time dog owners and ive done that typical thing of not knowing what i was getting into. Our dog trainer has seen im struggling and said she could take him if we cant manage. I wondered if anyone has come through the other side of this and either learned to love their dog , or has given their dog away and never been forgiven by their child ! Thats my other worry, will she and my husband ever forgive me.
How do people mange with dogs and small children, i think i had an idea they would play together but in reality my daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as the dog chews up anything in sight. I guess this seems really basic as a question but i struggle to believe in myself and swing in mood and decision. The dog (im only not saying name as trying to be discreet !) is only 10 months old and has been with us for 8 months now. He is walked twice a day and we send him to dog care if going out but its such an adjustment never going out unless preplanned again. Does anyone else struggle with their dog and do their children play with it ?
i think my aibu is , am i satan if i give away our daughters first pet for the sanity of the family !

We were first time cockapoo owners. I have trained him from been tiny and he is now 18 months old and a doddle. Have set times of the day your daughter can have her toys out and put the dog away. As long as he is walked and played with he is fine to crate or put in another room. I adore my dog and they need their own space too away from the kids.
If I did not put my dog away he would never rest as he is too nosy! The chewing will stop soon and my dog does try to sneak the kids toys sometimes but a strict 'no' and he drops them.
Don't feel guilty for him sleeping downstairs.
My dog is left for 3-4 hours at the most and has good walks, love and attention. We have got into the habit of treating them like kids and having 'mum guilt'.
I too find it strange the trainer would want your dog! Don't give up but the effort needs to be put in early. My dog was neutered at a year old and he changed a lot!! For the better so worth a try! They are pains but gorgeous pains!

OP, please don't give io on the dog, she's still young. I raised two kids (baby and toddler) and two puppies before, one was a labradoodle. No idea how I've done it (currently struggling with another pup... I never learn). Your puppy needs more training, they take a while to calm down.
Please don't give him/her to a trainer, they're w very popular 'breed'.... I wouldn't.
(I'd have given one of the dogs up as well to the trainer but he was massive and dog aggressive.)

Many of us don't know or realise what we're getting into with children/animals. I certainly don't. Reading about it is always different from experiencing it.

Rescue centres have strict rehoming criteria re children because they can never be absolutely sure of their past / temperament / bite risk. Plenty of people can and do have puppies and young children and it is just fine.

I really wish there were stricter criteria for getting a dog. The poor dog joins a family and they’re all it knows and loves and these idiots who don’t know what they’re doing mess the dog up and then dump them off on someone else. It’s shocking. This is an innocent animal. Still can’t believe the op has a dog ten months yet it’s a revelation to her she should train the dog not to get at her daughters toys. 🙄🙄 There should be a register of people like OP to ensure they are never allowed have a pet again once they dump their animal.

@usuallyquiet1 but in reality my daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as the dog chews up anything in sight

I think what you meant to say is in reality your daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as you and your DH are lazy irresponsible dog owners and couldn’t be bothered to train your dog.

The bottom line is you and your dh do love the dog.

what’s needed is some sustained training, which you can definitely do with the support of the trainer. Put in hard work and it will pay off.

teach your dd some dog training as well. It really doesn’t matter if a 4yo bakes or not, but teaching her to train and help take care of the dog will be valuable.

In the short term regarding the toy issue, set up a room divider so that your dd can have her toys one side of it and your dog can have his the other side.

you can definitely do this

yes and most people do not realise what they are getting into when they have a baby, so don’t feel bad about not knowing re the dog. Just do your best with training and you’ll have a lovely family pet.

It sounds like you’ve been very silly. Saying you’re surprised you ‘can’t go out preplanned’ and expected your preschooler and the dog would ‘play together.’ It’s a really immature view on it and sounds like you just did no research or preparation and sort of expected you’d get a ‘sitcom dog’ like the golden retriever on Full House that sits at the bottom of the girls’ beds as they monologue, appears for cutesy shots of Michelle dressing it up, then conveniently disappears when the family have days out and holidays.

No, preschoolers and dogs don’t generally ‘play together.’ Yes, of course you need to organise something for your dog when you want to go out. These shouldn’t be crazy shocks, it’s basic stuff anyone with common sense knows when they get a dog. And I’m all for rehoming in certain situations, like a dog that doesn’t get on with kids and would be happier in an adults only house, or an emergency, but this is just a normal dog doing normal dog behaviours with someone who was too lazy and selfish to consider whether they could cope with a dog before they got one.

And I don’t see how your child is missing out on baking and crafts and that’s somehow the dog’s fault. How is it managing to chew up all the baking and crafts equipment when surely an adult is supervising a young dog and preschooler? So the dog is surely then moved away/put behind a baby gate while these activities happen.

Of all the reasons to get rid of a dog ‘my child can’t possibly bake’ is the silliest one I’ve heard.

In my opinion young kids should never be left alone with a dog, and certainly never expected to ‘play with them’ as op suggests ie basically to entertain each other. An adult should be the one in charge/in control of all interactions between young kids and dogs, for the dog and the child’s safety.

I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong to have a a dog with a young child (did it myself) but to expect them to ‘play together’ and entertain each other or for the dog to act as a companion to the four year old child is inappropriate and lazy. It’s a lot of work managing a puppy and a preschooler, and it’s not for everyone. I certainly wouldn’t do it again, and our dog wasn’t even a puppy!

What age would you say is appropriate for children to be around dogs?
I do not have or intend to get a dog, I am just curious as I don't know very much about them.

Personally I waited until my daughter was nine years old and we had guinea pigs before that. At that age they can follow instructions, be patient, not smother the dog or get too excited, participate in its care, and treat it respectfully.

I don't want to give you a hard time op as you sound very anxious with this but surely it's fairly predictable that if you buy a dog, you can't leave it alone for long periods of time, even less at the beginning? Even the most basic dog care book will tell you that, contrary to what your DH said. It sounds as though your DH was in a household where they neglected the dog, or everyone else looked after it and he didn't appreciate the level of work involved.

Also, chewing is a natural behaviour that can be managed. Your dog is at an age where they can test boundaries a bit. Personally, I would definitely persevere but your DH has to fully participate too. You've only had him for eight months so it is very early days. You can definitely make this work but it needs determination and commitment. If you don't have those, bluntly, your dog will sense it.

ok well i really appreciate all the helpful advice and i think i am seeing where im going wrong. I had lost hope and my way a bit.
Id like to say i was not going to and would never dump my dog , lets be honest if i was as selfish as someone said earlier (sorry not sure how to tag) id have sold him on and made money from him. That was never going to happen, i do love him and was trying to do whats best for everybody.
The baking thing was just an example and not my reason for giving him up at all, that was just one thing.

What ive learned from this is
1, i did not understand what i was getting into
2, i do love my boy
3, i am going to try, and i need to up the training and be consistant with it
4, i was trying to avoid danger for the dog by keeping toys out of the way but now i see i need to go head on and teach him to be around them .
5, not to feel guilty that he sleeps downstairs or that hes alone for short periods
6, to relook at crate training or just him being in other area while me and my girl do certain things
7, that it was daft to think my girl and him would play, although they do like it when we all play together
8, that i would really miss him if he went

im going to take up a lot of the advice here and move on from this. thanks everyone im really glad i posted as its really helpful getting all these insights

Do NOT under any circumstances get a Cesar Milan book

Its a personal thing but I waited until my youngest child was 7
It just made everything so much safer and easier

What a positive and insightful update@usuallyquiet1

usuallyquiet1. that's a good update and I am sure you have the dog's best interests at heart. I think you need more confidence in yourself which will come from making firm decisions and setting out a strategy, so you are not reacting to situations that are out of control.

If you decide to commit to the dog, then the commitment to training should follow. Your trainer should be helping with this, not adding to your uncertainty! Have you considered a group class where you can talk to other owners who are going through similar things?

Very best of luck OP , you can definitely still turn this around with such a young dog. Daily commitment and you could have an adult, well trained, happy dog that will bring you all much joy for many years.

And agree with PP, avoid Cesar Milan like the plague, his dominance theory has been completely disproved and is considered hugely outdated. The dogs may do what they are told but they are not happy dogs.

I absolutely agree with posters about milan theory, it’s unhealthy. Fwiw we have a gundog that is working & we couldn’t train him (as is usual) until he was 6/7 months. He was house trained easily by 5/6months & by 10 months he was almost perfect, he’s a dog so no perfection ever but training was every day & most of the day. It’s so worth it as now he responds to hand signals for behaviour

@usuallyquiet1 One quick question - does your dog have things he is allowed to chew? He shouldn't own them, you need to give them to him and take them away so he doesnt get into the habit of guarding them.

Haven’t had time to RTFT, so apologies if someone has said this, but a corrective air spray worked really well

Dunno what happened there! An air spray from Pets at Home was a great deterrent for unwanted behaviour and really helps as a training aid. My dog’s 9 and if he’s being naughty I literally only have to show him the can and he’ll stop! It just makes a noise but is really effective.

And loads of people I know have had the exact same wobble you’re having now, OP, but they all got past it and none of them would give up their dogs now.

@ChinstrapBobblehat 😔Please don't use aversives on your poor dog, and please don't advise others to. Positive training methods are effective and much kinder. Yes it might be more effort but it's so worth it to have that positive bond and good relationship with your dog.

OP I know I'm late to the thread and you've taken lots on board already. Seriously consider changing your trainer. To have got to 10 months and not realised some of these basic things is possibly understandable, but not with a paid trainer. Our trainer taught impulse control which was invaluable, if you can find a positive reinforcement trainer who can teach you this it'll work wonders. I ended up with a 9 month old working cocker spaniel (mad!) with amazing impulse control. She's 18 months now but we can leave food on the coffee table and she won't touch it. I accidentally left chocolate on the lower shelf of the coffee table this week and she didn't go near it. Also more training and mental stimulation will tire your dog out and make him easier to be around.

Yes indeed I’m sure threatening the dog and making it afraid is effective 🙄🙄