to give dog away to trainer

[usuallyquiet1]

Hello, i know this is awful and i feel so bad about it but am struggling to get used to life with a dog. He is so sweet natured and generally lovely but my 2 main troubles are not leaving the house for more than 3 hours as i dont want him to be alone, and my daughter (shes 4) cant have any toys downstairs anymore.

We are first time dog owners and ive done that typical thing of not knowing what i was getting into. Our dog trainer has seen im struggling and said she could take him if we cant manage. I wondered if anyone has come through the other side of this and either learned to love their dog , or has given their dog away and never been forgiven by their child ! Thats my other worry, will she and my husband ever forgive me.
How do people mange with dogs and small children, i think i had an idea they would play together but in reality my daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as the dog chews up anything in sight. I guess this seems really basic as a question but i struggle to believe in myself and swing in mood and decision. The dog (im only not saying name as trying to be discreet !) is only 10 months old and has been with us for 8 months now. He is walked twice a day and we send him to dog care if going out but its such an adjustment never going out unless preplanned again. Does anyone else struggle with their dog and do their children play with it ?
i think my aibu is , am i satan if i give away our daughters first pet for the sanity of the family !

Christ, why on earth do people get dogs without researching and even looking after a friend's dog for a week to see?

Dogs are a tie but if you're not working or work from home then leaving them for a few hours is fine.

My boyfriend's dog can't be left at all and it is really affecting our lives now that lockdown is lifted.

I can't remember how long my dog chewed things but doesn't chew anything at all past the puppy stage (other than his toys).

I could never give my dog away because he's like my kid. But I knew what I was signing up to. And that's the reason why I waited decades to get one and waited until my kids were a bit older.

This.
We're a quiet household of three (D14) who enjoy being outdoors and are desperate to adopt a dog. We've deliberately waited until now so we know our life and habits mean we can fit around a dog and, come good times and bad, offer him or her a home.

However wanting to adopt a dog and being successful are miles apart. And I get why shelters take care it's just frustrating.

I see so many puppies (cocker poos, dashies and frenchies in particular) rehomed under 18 months because they were bought as puppies by owners who hadn't thought through and thoroughly researched their lifetime commitment.

Getting a puppy is difficult, but your daughter will soon be in school each day, so you will have plenty of time to spend with the dog. You feel your daughter is missing out on lots of things, but she’s gaining so much from having a pet. I feel my 2 sons missed out because we didn’t have a dog when they were small. We now have one, but sons are adults. Please don’t give dog to trainer, it would be better to return to breeder, trainer will probably just sell the puppy on or breed from it.

@Tigerandthetea I did exactly this, good few years back, naively bought a puppy from kennel club registered breeder without realising how needy they were. I held my hands up, returned it after a week to breeder as per the contract. I've felt guilty ever since but in hindsight I don't think they were very reputable, I never got a penny back, just fobbed off whenever I contacted them. The puppy was pooing 6 times a day which I later realised meant there was something wrong with it, and I only had a week off naively thinking that was long enough to settle it in 🤦before returning to full time work. They had also made up a story as to why I couldn't see its mother when I went to view. When I handed it back, with a blanket it was attached to😭they simply stuck it straight in a kennel in the garden and obviously would have re sold it. If I knew then what I know now I would have found it a good home myself (and probably got some money back!)

Puppies are hard work, no one really tells you just how much!

But you're being far too hard on yourself @usuallyquiet1

How old is he? Puppies don't mature until they're about 2, so you need to find ways to cope with the puppy and then teenager behaviour - if he's chewing things he shouldn't, buy him an antler/nylar bone/yak chew from a pet shop, they're great for keeping dogs occupied. Get him loads of his own toys and then make sure your DD's things are kept either upstairs or high up where puppy can't access them - I know that's a pain, but it won't be forever

Don't worry about leaving him alone, he'll cope - is he crate trained?

Make sure you walk him (5mins per month old, so if he's 5 months that's 25mins per day/twice a day) so that you bond with him and form a good relationship with him, make sure you get a treat pouch and reward his good behaviours i.e every time he looks up at you while you're out walking

Don't give up OP, give it time and patience and you'll have a best friend in no time

You need to train your dog not give it away @usuallyquiet1 ! I don’t even have kids but my dog (also a cockapoo) won’t touch any of the toys I have for when my nieces come round to play. He knows they’re not for him.I’m talking crayons, colouring books, jigsaws, building blocks, toy cars/animals etc.

it’s a bit ridiculous to give a dog away who knows and loves you purely because you’re too lazy to train it but it does seem a common trend with irresponsible dog owners.

and i can see from the replies that maybe i should be teaching him to leave things

sorry @usuallyquiet1 you have an actual dog trainer and have had a dog for 10 months yet it’s news to you you should be training the dog to leave things???

The mind boggles!!! Have you put any effort in with the dog? Actual effort! Or are you just crying because the dog won’t just act how you think he should.

I also was pretty certain this would be a cockapoo
First time dog
Lockdown puppy
Didnt really understand what they were getting into
Very cute
Chews things
Cant be left
Teenage dog
Young child

You probably shouldnt have got him OP but now you need to decide whether to persevere (it will get easier) or let your trainer have him as long as you trust her.
Puppies are hard and getting a dog is a major lifestyle change which I dont think you fully understood so you just need to do what is best for the dog and the rest of your family now

We got a puppy and tbh if I’d have known what it was really like to have one, then I wouldn’t have got him. Like you my DH had dogs and was even an army dog trainer in a previous job but although DDog does do as he:s told for DH - he is not quite the same with me! I am more a cat person really.

like you say, they are a tie and I’m thinking I may not even be able to go on holiday this year (booked and paid to go abroad) as I can’t find anyone to have him, and of course it’s my job to find someone.

I do love the little bugger though and couldn’t bear to get rid of him even though I do moan about him, as he’s a chewer too.

He is 18 myths now and he has just been neutered last week so I am hoping he will calm down a bit.

not sure what to advise you really - we are persevering but I totally know how you feel! I have heard Cockerpoos can be a handful though. Definitely train him.

what does your DH think?

having a puppy is hard work but there’s nothing better than growing up with a dog! It won’t always be this hard & a puppy doesn’t come minus the short-term work!

i am a ‘death do us part’ dog owner (although I appreciate not everyone is)

if you’re committed to him, I would get a different trainer but if not I would give to a rescue or the breeder (as long as it wasn’t a money grabbing backstreet breeder of course!)

I don’t know about giving it away to the trainer vs anywhere else but your 4 year old should be able to enjoy her home properly and I can’t see how she can in this situation. My MIL has a cockapoo and it’s such a knobhead, even now it’s 3. I hate going round there with DD who is also 4, it just hassles us the whole time and I can’t relax.

Exactly this.seen it happen.trainers no EVERYONE they need to to sell it on.witnessed it 3 times before bloke was shut down...also theyd very rarely want another dog,especially untrained one.

I think your what ifs and shock and prediction an awful future is also putting a wall arpund you and stopping you from working working through this and or building a bond which is essential.likr your in this stuck stress haze

If you love the dog then hang in in there. I don’t need to tell you that pup’s are hard work, I’ve had dogs all my life yet I still have the ‘what the hell have I done’ feeling when a pup arrives. Your dog is still very young and probably won’t mature for a couple of years, but hopefully when it does it will be such a great friend for your 4 year old.
personally I wouldn’t give the dog to your trainer, that just seems a bit off for a trainer to suggest it. Good luck

We have 2 dogs and the reality is they do require a lot of time and commitment. Young dogs can be hard work. IMO the benefits of having dogs outweighs the negatives.

You need to invest the time now in properly training your dog, although if you have a dog trainer then it sounds as if you are doing this. Are the whole family involved in this training?

How is your dog when left alone? We only leave our dogs for about 3 hours at a time, we could leave them longer occasionally as they don't seem to mind when we leave them, we have cameras so we can check on them when we are out. We try to take them for a long walk before we go out and once we are gone they tend to sleep, I also WFH most of the time so we are not leaving them on a daily basis. How long the dog can be left for will depend on him, some dogs are happy to be left for a few hours, others get anxious pretty quickly.

Our dogs sleep downstairs and are quite happy to, the have each other for company but we had the first one for 3 years before getting a second dog and she was always fine at night on her own downstairs. Why do you feel you dog needs a companion at night?

Well if you ignore all the posters who probably refer to dogs as ' fur babies' , you can absolutely end this misery for you , your family and the dog by rehoming him.

We did this with a rescue dog we had - nothing prepares you for the sometimes 24/7 disruption to your life. There's commitment and hard work ..then there's having your life ruined. We were pretty much conned by the rescue centre we got ours from, who did take him back ( no refund of the £100's we had 'donated' to pay for him) .

If you want the joy of a dog without the stress of owning one, might I recommend you seek out local centres who need dog walkers? there are plenty of organisations that need this service.

You need to stop crying over it and be more proactive.
I had a pup as a single parent of 3, and a full-time job (had the full summer off when we got him though, and obviously use a dog-walker), and I thought the puppy stage would end me! It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My puppy (now 7 years) was unbelievably gorgeous but really wasn't the brightest still isn't. He didn't get the hang of toilet training until he was 8 months old and his separation anxiety was next level! I described it as harder than the newborn baby phase.
Come on, woman up! You can do this. It WILL get better. I wouldn't be without my dog now. He brings so much joy every day.

I would absolutely never refer to my dog as a fur baby (the expression irritates me no end) but there is a difference between your circumstances and the op. You didn’t have the luxury of having a dog from a puppy so that you could train it effectively nor did you know it’s full background despite what the rescue centre said. If people are happy just to give a dog away because it’s too much hassle then a dog is probably not for them anyway.

The dog is a puppy, in other words a baby! Of course he chews, that is typical puppy behaviour and he will grow out of it, provided he has a lot of stimulation and tough chewy toys (kong ones are good). His jaw is developing and he is discovering the world through his mouth. Of course you can't give him away for such selfish reasons - to him, you are his whole world. No wonder so many dogs have major trust issues with humans if they are just given up on.
Group puppy behaviour classes are good. You get to meet other dog owners and see that you're not alone. I remember laughing so much at some of the stories the other owners told - I assumed we were the only ones with a crazy puppy. It won't kill your daughter for now to have to leave toys upstairs.

Agreed.

Has the trainer not given any support in attempting to build up time apart so you can eventually leave the dog home for a couple of hours?

Or teaching the puppy that it isn’t to chew things that don’t belong to it?

Also do you have a crate so you can play with your dc and know the dog is safe and not causing havoc?

I know puppies are hard work and ours were extremely difficult to train, but I’m so glad we persevered as they are the heart of our family. Your ‘trainer’ sounds absolutely useless. Find a better one or try puppy training classes and make a decision then.

10 months is the worst month!! I’d wait til he’s a year old and see if he starts to calm down. I could have quite happily given my lab away to anyone that would take him at 10 months but now he’s 1 he’s an absolute dream 🥰.

If you bought from a reputable breeder ( Unlikely- as very few would dream of selling to people with young children) the breeder surely would take the puppy back.
ours has a money back guarantee for a YEAR!
( amount returned diminishes with time, but still is significant)
She also will take back any if hers older - but this is someone who vets owners very thoroughly.

Dogs are not something to be bought on whim.

A trainer will likely sell yours on.

Rescues are full to bursting at the moment.

with dogs, you get out what you put in.

They do chew, as pups.

Rather than shutting the dog in a crate why not get baby gates and then you can do the things you want with your daughter while he watches on from behind the gate. Does he have kongs and things he is allowed to chew? I would give it a bit longer to be honest.

Reputable rescue centres ought to vet the owners thoroughly- and suggest a dog who might be a good match for your situation.

The bigger UK ones are usually very good.
They ought also to be very honest as to the dog’s “Issues”.
Our first dog ( Son was 9 yrs) was “Suggested” by a good Dog’s home - She was smaller and much younger than I wanted, and a different coat type to what I thought I liked ( eyeroll) but she was absolutely perfect .
A soulmate for 11.5 yrs

We has a home check and they were very thorough, and the dog warden advised with recall issue when pup was 7 months old.
Sadly many overseas rescues sell to anyone-
And these “ Adoptions” do frequently break down.

You are irresponsible to get a dog without knowing anything about a dog. You sound like you want a dog without putting in any effort with training etc. Dogs are not commodities, I think it’s awful how so many people get dogs and palm them off when they no longer are convenient.