to give dog away to trainer

[usuallyquiet1]

Hello, i know this is awful and i feel so bad about it but am struggling to get used to life with a dog. He is so sweet natured and generally lovely but my 2 main troubles are not leaving the house for more than 3 hours as i dont want him to be alone, and my daughter (shes 4) cant have any toys downstairs anymore.

We are first time dog owners and ive done that typical thing of not knowing what i was getting into. Our dog trainer has seen im struggling and said she could take him if we cant manage. I wondered if anyone has come through the other side of this and either learned to love their dog , or has given their dog away and never been forgiven by their child ! Thats my other worry, will she and my husband ever forgive me.
How do people mange with dogs and small children, i think i had an idea they would play together but in reality my daughter is missing out on baking, craft etc as the dog chews up anything in sight. I guess this seems really basic as a question but i struggle to believe in myself and swing in mood and decision. The dog (im only not saying name as trying to be discreet !) is only 10 months old and has been with us for 8 months now. He is walked twice a day and we send him to dog care if going out but its such an adjustment never going out unless preplanned again. Does anyone else struggle with their dog and do their children play with it ?
i think my aibu is , am i satan if i give away our daughters first pet for the sanity of the family !

Dog trainer/behaviour consultant here..

You are right at the hardest bit of puppy raising - the adolescent phase, where puppies are coping not only with the normal adolescent stuff... where do I fit with others of my own species, how do I conduct myself, what if I push boundaries..

But they ALSO have to contend with being evolved to live with humans.. so all the above, but with another species.

That is tough.

In another 14 months time, it is likely you'll have a dog who can be left a reasonable amount of time (four hours perhaps without a break, longer with a break of course), who can be trusted around other peoples stuff and things, who is more fun to be with and more reliable and predictable....

But...

If you don't want to be a dog owner. If you don't want to spend the next 12+ years thinking about your dogs needs when its less than easy and convenient, if you don't want to clean up hair and go for walks in the rain and ensure food is put away not left within reach...

Don't be a dog owner. Rehome your dog to someone suitable. Consider that an owner upgrade for your dog because for a dog, their family ARE their world... and a world that finds you an inconvenience and a chore... is not somewhere anyone should be forced to live.

I really hate the trend of shaming people who rehome dogs responsibly - not everyone wants to be a dog owner, it is that simple. People who do not want to be dog owners, should not be dog owners.

On the other hand if you DO.. but this stage is hard, well it does get better, I promise. Just... not for a while yet.

That whole post says a lot about you.

thank you all for your replies, i really appreciate your thoughts. I think ive said it unfairly to the trainer, when she came that time i was in a mess and i said first i was thinking of re homing him, only then did she say she could take him. It wasnt her suggestion at all.
She is a lovely lady and im absolutely certain she would only want the best for him . No way she would be selling him, ive seen those two together and they get on so well. Also we arent seeing her for training at the moment , it was just in the beginnig so any issues i have lie with me and my husband.
On all the other points, yes i have done the wrong thing in getting a puppy without fully understanding what this involved. I am completely at fault here and am just figuring out what to do.
It a very valid point re training, we did loads in the beginning and then we slowly stopped. Am taking that onboard.
Im going to talk to my husband again and show him all this.
Thank you everyone

I love him too but i fell constantly guilty about him which is affecting me a lot. Is he happy, is he lonely, he sleeps downstairs and i worry he needs a companion and so it goes on.

sorry op but to your dog, you are his companion

Every day is a training day with a pup !
They do like to ''Push the boundaries'' ..''What can I get away with here?'' when they hit adolescence especially.

Literally whatever someone does with their dog is ''Training'' , wether for good or ill.

Ours at 5 months decided she didn't want her nails clipping..and began to ''nose bodge'' and bite softly at my hands, rolling over deliberately so I couldn't cut her nails.
Had I stopped til she was ''in the mood'', her nails would be like talons now..

Instead, I persisted, with kind firmness, rewarding with a treat when the job was done.

She is now miles better :)

Even sweet natured ones can'' try it on'' {Don't WANT to come in from garden!}... but simple daily training , not to scrounge at the table, not to pull on the lead, not to mouthe at hands.. but instead praise for
Walking nicely on lead, Recalling well ,
Allowing nails to be cut without fuss
Lots of positive rewards.

With out first dog I did feel a bit 'At sea'' when her recall went through an iffy phase {A Lurcher} I phoned the dog warden , was very good, and gave solid advice.
I'd say with our first dog, after a year, I felt that she really became a lot easier.

IF you are happy to put ''good'' daily training in place, Just by stuff you do with him, you could have a lovely, well mannered dog.

Plenty of you tube videos on dog positive training .

I got my present dog 5 years ago, I had a previous springer spaniel who died around 10 years ago, so I thought I knew the breed, and was aware how lively they can be, but this one is like a souped up version. So although OP may have done some research, you can not guarantee just how difficult it is going to be. He has been much easier to deal with since he was about 2 or three, but the first year was horrific for me, and I thought I had made a terrible mistake, on the other hand he is very loving and his mischief is quite entertaining. My grandchildren who are here most days for a couple of hours, have had to learn to be tidier, and put things out of his reach.
I would try to persevere a few months longer, as they do calm down after the first year. My adult nieces each got a labrador from the same litter, and one, who went to the niece with absolutely no experience, is at 15 months a quiet well behaved angel, while her sister and her husband who are experienced owners got the troublesome, overexcited one.

You’re humanising your dog. Yoyr dog doesn’t time how long you’re out, feel miserable because he’s missing out on the cinema/ kids play date or whatever. Leave Radio 4 on for him ( they like the voices) a Kong with something delicious squished into it. He’ll be happy when you return but he’s not been clock watching.

Your dog will do what you train it to do. I’ve never had a dog chew anything it shouldn’t because I treat them as dogs from day one. I’m the pack leader, they’re my pack and they’re dogs. Get yourself aCesar Milan book.

Your daughter can cook, bake, play with toys, anything. The dog goes behind a baby gate or in a crate. Then when everything’s cleared away, good dog, out for a play in the garden.

But if it all seems too much there’s no point making yourself miserable for the next 13-14 years and he’d be ok re-homed.

Get the dog neutered. It will help calm him. When dd playing on floor put her in a large playpen so dog does not get her toys. Make sure dog has lots of toys but play with it too. Lots of long walks to use up energy. Don't turn him out. He loves you and has done nothing wrong. He won't understand and will miss you all. Keep training him and he will calm down in time. He is still a puppy.

So much crap dog advice on this thread. OP, listen to your trainer, they will be able to guide you.

Dogs are a huge commitment and yours is still a puppy so still needs lots and lots of training and input. It’s up to you if you think you can meet it’s needs. You have to teach them how to be alone, and how to leave toys and not destroy them.

You’re not Satan.

What breed is he? Some issues can be common to the breed, so your breeder may be able to help. In any case, a dog under 12 months should be returned to the breeder, not rehomed of your own volition.

When you say you send him to dog care, is that a doggy day care mixed group type situation? If so: I found them to be awful for my young dog, and quickly stopped using them. She was over hyped, stressed, bullied etc They are not given adequate supervision, and no one is looking out for your dog’s wellbeing in a group like that.

Have a look at the stress bucket filling theory for dog behaviour.

Also, two walks a day is great, but are you using them to their full potential? Remembering treats every time and using them for constant training? Are you continuing training in the home?

We spent the first year of ownership training our dog for literally hours every day. We still do about 10-20 mins training every day and she’s a calm obedient adult now. She knows exactly what her boundaries are, where she can and can’t go, what toys are hers and what she isn’t allowed to go near etc.

It is possible - but it takes 100% consistency, and hours every day. If you can’t do that, then you shouldn’t have got him and should take him back to the breeder for rehoming.

At 8 months he’s still a puppy and needs constant supervision by an owner 100% of the time. Most dog walkers won’t take pups under 6 months, and he’s barely more than that.

Don’t put your child in a playpen 😂😂 maybe the dog needs to be crate trained - but not the child!

Put the four year old in a playpen so a mutt can run around? How absolutely sensible.

You have the puppy blues. I get them when my little charmer decides he wants to be up before 6 am every day. (Tried leaving him out of his crate, he turned up in the bedroom, where he will be a total pain)

Crate train him. If you want to re-home, call the breeder first. puppies are bloody hard work, some more than others. You’ve bought a cocker x, someone said cockers are like springers on speed, it’s going to need more than physical exercise. Mine (springers) need mental as well as physical stimulation. Consider some enrichment activities eg part of his tea scattered across the lawn, keeps my lot busy. What training are you doing? Teach him some tricks. Definitely teach the leave it command.

Read the thread "I don't like my puppy" in the Doghouse on Munsnet. It's currently one of the top threads. The OP in that thread wanted to rehome her puppy, but didn't and her updates say the dog is now "the best dog in the world" and she's totally in love with the dark days way behind her.

Honestly, the best thing you could do is to let your daughter have toys out and teach the dog to leave things alone. It might be differences in breed, but my puppy learned very quickly that if she picked up a child’s toy she would either be told off by an adult or the child would let out an air-raid siren wail depending on who saw it first. The dog was scared by the wail and quickly learned to leave toys alone! She has her own toys but she doesn’t touch the kids’ toys. People come first and dogs have to adapt around them.

When dd playing on floor put her in a large playpen so dog does not get her toys.

You can’t put a 4 YEAR OLD in a playpen Jesus Christ.

You have to do what’s right for you.

Another compromise whilst training the puppy could be for DD to play at the table out of puppy's reach especially art's, crafts and baking.

Easier to tidy away too...

Poor dog. Shelters are full of abandoned dogs who's owners didn't do their research / got bored / couldn't afford etc. And your dd is far to young to have a dog around the house which is why rescue centres have strict rehoming criteria. Learn from your experience and please don't ever buy another one. And have the poor dog neutered so he's not used for breeding so adding to the endless cycle of unwanted dogs

What age would you say is appropriate for children to be around dogs?
I do not have or intend to get a dog, I am just curious as I don't know very much about them.

That's what I was thinking! What the heck has the trainer been doing taking your money if not at least getting this sorted??? And now wants your unneutered, popular breed dog. Well dodgy.

a very valid point re training, we did loads in the beginning and then we slowly stopped

THIS is your issue. Why on earth would you stop training with a dog that's just months old? Your pup isn't even a year old yet, just hitting "teenage" stage. You need to keep training every single day for a long time yet! It's never a "one and done" situation. It all needs constant reinforcement with pups.

And frankly all dogs benefit from clear boundaries with positive reward training every day of their lives.

I’d consider a baby gate to separate rooms. Dog in one, DD in the other. )When she’s crafting etc).

Depends if you want a dog though, they’re a massive tie. Day trips, overnights, holidays, days where you are in work/school then do a class straight after, meaning the dog could be left alone for an unacceptable period. They still need to use the toilet, be fed and watered etc.

Do you have time for this? The dog isn’t a toy you can throw in a crate for ten hours and forget about.
If you rehome do it now whilst the dog is young, don’t wait until it’s older.

Some dogs are bred to destroy toys. We have a Patterdale/ border cross and she annihilates dog toys in seconds.

I guess it depends on the breed as to whether the dog will stop or not. However I think the dog would be better placed with someone that actually is willing to flex. Our neighbours bought a dog in lockdown and I can tell they regret it. I'm not sure why they did because they didn't seem to like anyone else's dog. It was bought as a plaything for their kids.