I was just wondering if anyone else has any godchildren, they don't see or spend time with, as i'm feeling a bit conflicted about a situation & wondered if I'm handling it the right way.
My oldest friend from school married & had children very young, I am Godmother to her eldest. At the time I was only in my early 20's, working full time with a busy life. I whole heartily admit I probably wasn't the greatest of godmothers back then. Tbh her pregnancy really took me by surprise, I had very busy life working & commuting at the time, I didn't have any experience of young children & In all honestly I wasn't really ready to take on such a role, something I now feel a little guilty about.
In hindsight I should have made more time and effort to see them at weekends etc..but my friend and I lives had gone in such different directions, she married a man who can be quite controlling (He didn't really like her going out/would always talk over her or answer questions for her etc..) and I used o feel very uncomfortable going to see her, that couple with the fact that our lives were on such different paths we kind of lost touch over the years that her children were small.
In more recent years I have made much more of an effect, I send all 3 of her children either a small gift or mostly as they are older now I give them money at Christmas, but I don't really 'see' them as such. I only see my friend 2/3x a year, usually just for a coffee & nearly always during the week when both our children are at school & I feel as though it would be a bit awkward meeting her children as they are all teens now and I haven't seen her husband for probably 10 years plus. I must add that despite his nature they are very happily married.
I think looking back if her husband hadn't made me feel so awkward and unwelcome back when the kids were little I may have developed more of a relationship with them, but I honestly don't know.
I have a daughter now also, myself but as we are not religious we didn't do the whole Godparents thing as we felt it was a bit hypocritical, so I've never experienced this from the other side.
I just wonder how common this whole situation is? Does anyone else have a similar situation? I often feel as though I'm not doing enough. I give them a present every Christmas, but for their birthdays, I just send a card, but then my husband will say 'well they don't give anything to our daughter' which is true, but that's not point and I'm not giving to receive.
Another issue I feel a bit confused/unsure of the etiquette is only one of my friends son's is my actual Godchild, but I've always felt that I can't give a present or money to just one, so I've always given to all 3? Is the norm also? Do other do this.
I'm probably reading far too much into the whole situation, I think what makes it harder, is my friend and her husband are both very religious, something I only really discovered a few years ago as my friend wasn't religious or ever went to church when we were younger & much closer friends and so to them the whole godparents situation, probably has much more significance than people who don't go to church etc..
I would really appreciate any views!! Thanks:)