Godchildren you don't see

[Spoldge45]

I was just wondering if anyone else has any godchildren, they don't see or spend time with, as i'm feeling a bit conflicted about a situation & wondered if I'm handling it the right way.

My oldest friend from school married & had children very young, I am Godmother to her eldest. At the time I was only in my early 20's, working full time with a busy life. I whole heartily admit I probably wasn't the greatest of godmothers back then. Tbh her pregnancy really took me by surprise, I had very busy life working & commuting at the time, I didn't have any experience of young children & In all honestly I wasn't really ready to take on such a role, something I now feel a little guilty about.

In hindsight I should have made more time and effort to see them at weekends etc..but my friend and I lives had gone in such different directions, she married a man who can be quite controlling (He didn't really like her going out/would always talk over her or answer questions for her etc..) and I used o feel very uncomfortable going to see her, that couple with the fact that our lives were on such different paths we kind of lost touch over the years that her children were small.

In more recent years I have made much more of an effect, I send all 3 of her children either a small gift or mostly as they are older now I give them money at Christmas, but I don't really 'see' them as such. I only see my friend 2/3x a year, usually just for a coffee & nearly always during the week when both our children are at school & I feel as though it would be a bit awkward meeting her children as they are all teens now and I haven't seen her husband for probably 10 years plus. I must add that despite his nature they are very happily married.

I think looking back if her husband hadn't made me feel so awkward and unwelcome back when the kids were little I may have developed more of a relationship with them, but I honestly don't know.

I have a daughter now also, myself but as we are not religious we didn't do the whole Godparents thing as we felt it was a bit hypocritical, so I've never experienced this from the other side.

I just wonder how common this whole situation is? Does anyone else have a similar situation? I often feel as though I'm not doing enough. I give them a present every Christmas, but for their birthdays, I just send a card, but then my husband will say 'well they don't give anything to our daughter' which is true, but that's not point and I'm not giving to receive.

Another issue I feel a bit confused/unsure of the etiquette is only one of my friends son's is my actual Godchild, but I've always felt that I can't give a present or money to just one, so I've always given to all 3? Is the norm also? Do other do this.

I'm probably reading far too much into the whole situation, I think what makes it harder, is my friend and her husband are both very religious, something I only really discovered a few years ago as my friend wasn't religious or ever went to church when we were younger & much closer friends and so to them the whole godparents situation, probably has much more significance than people who don't go to church etc..

I would really appreciate any views!! Thanks:)

I have two godchildren. I don't see one of them at all - completely lost touch with her parents about 10 years ago and didn't see them much even before that.

The other one, I am still quite close to her mother, but when she asked me to be godmother I told her I'd be a shit one and not to expect anything from me

My ds doesn't have godparents. It all seems a bit pointless to me really.

I have one godson I see a lot and one I see rarely. I do not send presents to their siblings, because I want them to feel that they are special to me.

On the flip side of this post, my youngest sons godparents don’t see him now. He’s only 2. They dumped me because of a perceived slight and when I explained it to her she misunderstood everything and I’ve not spoken to her since. I didn’t have the energy to stick up for myself and have just let it be but obviously they don’t want anything to do with my child or they’d have sent him a card for his birthday. They were good people which is why I asked them to be godparents (they’re married). I never asked them so that they’d send money/presents whatever but seeing him ignored at the age of 2 has sealed it for me.

I think a lot of people have a christening to have a party, it because it's traditional in their family. Godparents are asked to be godparents because it's part of the tradition and it's often considered an honour.

But if you're not a regular church goer and neither are the godparents then it seems a bit pointless other than a nicety or an imposition.

It's nonsense, unless the parents are religious and have outright asked you to ensure their child is raised within the religion.

People use godparent as shorthand for 'you're my closest friend', there are so many ridiculous misconceptions around how you're the person who will have to care for the child if the parents die. I even know people who are atheists who've chosen godparents! I mean the clue is in the name ffs lol

It's no wonder it's not taken seriously when it doesn't mean anything, parents should consider who will take in their children if they both die, and this should be written in their wills. That's separate to being a godparent.

I have two godchildren. I send gifts to them at birthdays and Christmas (not to their siblings), but I rarely see them due to geographical distance, busy lives etc. To be honest one of them I was a bit surprised to be chosen as godparent! He has two older siblings so maybe they had used up their closer friends!!

I have 4 godchildren & see them fairly regularly - the oldest 2 are at uni so I don't see them as much as I used to.

It probably helps that they are siblings & their mother has been my best friend since we were 3 years old, I've also known their father since we were 12.

As a couple they are godparents to my DD2 & DS but DD1 has a different godfather (her fathers choice) who she hasn't seen since she was around 8 but my friends husband refers to her as his goddaughter.

I wouldn't have agreed to be godmother to anyone else's children.

I have 3 godchildren (all now in their teens) and they all live a few hours away from me so only see them once or twice a year, although one i see a bit more often as they live near my parents. They come to visit, i think they enjoy coming to stay, two of them have been and stayed on their own without parents and now they're older we whatsapp occasionally - usually me to wish them luck with something or send them funny things. I do birthday and Xmas presents (now usually money or vouchers) for them and they each have one sibline. Amusingly they all call me Auntie but my actual nephews don't!

I try to be a good godmother, in that I don’t miss birthdays or Christmas, but I’m not really on great terms with the mum any more. She is godmother to my DS although mine is years older, and sends regifts that are 3-4 years too young for my DS. I also have a grown up godchild that I keep in touch with via LinkedIn. We took care chosing godparents but have had a 75% washout rate. I even replaced a pair who were just not interested past babyhood, with a couple who are great role models for teenage DS. All of which makes me think godparent relationships should be reviewed at around 8-10 years of age and either renewed or replaced, as the person who is perfect for little ones might not be so great helping and supporting adolescents and beyond. And (shock) not all friendships last the course.

Thanks for all your replies ladies very reassuring & its good to know I'm not the only one in a similar situation! I definitely feel better about it all now.😀