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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not look after DB dog every day for six months?

56 replies

Celp28 · 02/05/2022 08:45

DB recently brought a puppy, it’s 12 weeks old. He worked from home when he brought it. He’s now been offered, and has accepted, a job that means going to the office for 4 hours every afternoon. The job is a ten minute drive from his house. He has asked me to look after it, to which I agreed until the puppy is of an age where it can be left. DB is now expecting me to have it until the end of his contract in November.
My DH is saying this is too big of a commitment for us. We both work, him from home and me a mixture of from home and the office. We have 2 DS, aged 2 and 6 and 2 dogs, 1 aged 5 years and 1 aged 5 months. We have just managed to get the 5 month old to a point we can leave her for an hour or so. DB’s doesn’t leave his dog, even for 10 minutes. He is literally with it 24/7, they even sleep together. DH says this will make life very difficult and restrictive for us as we won’t be able to leave the puppy, even to do the school/child minder run.
What do I do? I’ve promised DB I’ll help him but DH isn’t happy. Any advice welcome 🙏

OP posts:
LoudingVoice · 02/05/2022 08:48

Yanbu, he needs to start leaving the dog for a few hours so it gets used to being left alone, a dog that can’t be left is a nightmare.

He needs to use a doggy daycare while the pup is young a I imagine still being housetrained, it’s too much to expect you to do this every week.

Candleabra · 02/05/2022 08:49

If the whole family aren’t on board with the commitment then it’s too much. Either work out a compromise where you have the puppy occasionally or say no.

The main person being unreasonable is your brother who took a job and expects other people to facilitate the logistics.

PermanentTemporary · 02/05/2022 08:49

You say that you hadn't understood the full commitment and you can't do it. There isn't really another way.

KatherineofGaunt · 02/05/2022 08:49

Tell him you can do it as you originally said, until the puppy can be left, then he'll have to get a dog sitter.

It's not your job to provide a care service for your brother's dog. He bought it, he should have realised that meant looking after it even if his circumstances changed, like going back to the office.

Don't look after it until November. That would massively impact on your life, and you've got enough on your plate. His dog, his problem.

Flatandhappy · 02/05/2022 08:50

It’s not as if you can decide to help your DB without impacting your family and your DH isn’t happy (reasonably I think given what you have said about not being able to leave the dog alone, ever) so I would go back to your DB and say sorry, having talked it over with DH we can’t help. A couple of weeks might be ok, six months definitely not. Your DB will have to pay someone to be with the dog.

HairyScaryMonster · 02/05/2022 08:51

You tell dB that you agreed to something prematurely without checking with your DH. If there are days you can do regularly, let him know. Otherwise he'll have to find one of those doggy nursery places and get a trainer to help with separation anxiety.

balalake · 02/05/2022 08:52

Once or twice a week maybe, but not what your DB is asking for.

Caiti19 · 02/05/2022 08:52

Your DH is right. This is not a reasonable request, and he should have thought about the future when he took on the huge responsibility of adopting a dog.

Sciurus83 · 02/05/2022 08:52

YABU for saying yes to DB without checking with DH first. DB needs to find another arrangement, sounds like your DH will be doing some of this care which has been promised but had no say.

spotcheck · 02/05/2022 08:53

I would do a few days a week, but suggest he get a dog walker/ doggy day care for the rest.
Agree that he has to get the dog used to being on its own. He isn't helping the pup

BungleandGeorge · 02/05/2022 09:02

You won’t be able to do anything with your children all summer holidays?
if you’re only just leaving your 5 month old for an hour and it has another dog for company then how old would you expect his pup will be to be left for 4 hours?
the whole concept of getting a pet who can’t be left alone at all is totally alien to me as I just do t understand how it could ever work for the majority of people!

Original poster
Celp28 · 02/05/2022 09:11

Thank you for the replies. DH and I both agreed to do it until the dog could be left, but DB has now suggested he’s expecting it to be until November. As a pp said, I do not want to give up taking my children out over the holidays. Also, just simple things like going to the supermarket, or the children having a party to attend, etc, that all fall in during the times I’d be expected to have the dog.
My puppy is fully house trained and roams free all day wherever she pleases in the house. DB’s pup is not house trained, and chews. We will have to watch it the whole time it is here. I have suggested training groups, videos and books to my DB but he doesn’t seem interested. He just says it’s no bother to him being with the puppy all day. I’ve told him the importance of training the puppy to be left, by leaving it for 15 minutes at a time and gradually building it up. He said he tried over the weekend but he got upset hearing the puppy cry so couldn’t do it. It’s a shame as he is only trying to be loving towards the dog, but he’s creating a situation that’ll be worse in the long run. And dragging me along for the ride 😂

OP posts:
MPharm · 02/05/2022 09:15

The puppy is 12 weeks old, YABU to expect it to be fully house-trained and to have stopped chewing already. Maybe you had an easy puppy that gave you unrealistic expectations. However, YANBU to expect your brother to train the puppy, and also it's not your problem. He's expecting far too much, he took on this responsibility so he needs to either find a way to be at home more or find a doggy daycare (a paid one, not you!).

Pluvia · 02/05/2022 09:19

Your DB's dog won't be left alone, it will be left in the company of two other dogs including dogs that are used to being left alone. I'm a dog owner. I know my dog is happy when there are other dogs he knows and gets on well with. I think this is unlikely to be the massive problem you assume it will be. Have a few trial runs, introducing your DB's pup to your own dogs and then leaving him with them, first for five minutes, then fifteen, until you can build to an hour away for the school run.

larkstar · 02/05/2022 09:21

It's a hell of a lot to ask - surely your DB will know this. You're going to have to be honest and say you can't do it. I would rather have rehomed an old dog from a pet charity than a puppy - maybe he should think about giving the dog up - it doesn't sound like he's in a position to have a dog IMHO - especially a puppy.

Walkingalot · 02/05/2022 09:22

Tell him you're not prepared to do it through the school summer holidays as it'll be too restrictive. He can pay for doggy day care for those 6 weeks. That's not unreasonable.

Badlifeday · 02/05/2022 09:25

Is there a reason you find it so hard to say no to your brother?
are you used to being the responsible one perhaps?

Frazzled2207 · 02/05/2022 09:25

Wow your db is massively unreasonable. I wouldn’t be offering to regularly help out, perhaps just occasionally when it works for me.

this is your db’s issue to sort out. Doggie daycare is likely the best option.

Inertia · 02/05/2022 09:26

YANBU. Your brother is expecting you to house train his dog, and he’s planning to make a distressed dog your problem because he won’t put in the work .

Doggy day care would be the way forward, but you have to tell your brother now that you agreed too soon, and you can’t manage.

Sally872 · 02/05/2022 09:29

Tell DB what you are willing to do and he can find an alternative for the rest.

"DB I didn't realise the puppy would need constant company until Nov. I can pop over most days while you are at work for 30 mins to check on puppy for a few weeks while he gets used to it. But really we need to work on puppy being left for 4 hours while you are at work by the time schools break up or look at doggy daycare or someone else to do it. Sorry for the misunderstanding, when I agreed to help I had assumed you would be working on dog being left for part of the day as most dogs I know are"

Viviennemary · 02/05/2022 09:31

I think you will have to say you hadn't thought it through properly when you agreed. Anc now the goalposts have been moved by him. Which is true. Your DH isn't keen and why should he be. Just say no. Sorry. Its your brothers dog and he must make suitable arrangements for care and training.

Original poster
Celp28 · 02/05/2022 09:32

I’ve been hoping this might be the case. It definitely helped having our older dog when we got our puppy. DB’s pup comes over a couple of times a week and gets on well with my 2. I’m hoping it’ll just get easier as the puppy gets older. I’m worrying as my DB doesn’t seem to be doing much in the way of training though.
I wonder if I’m fretting too much. I’m a bit of a people pleaser and I don’t like to not help people. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve got taken advantage of! My DH gets frustrated with me when I offer to help friends and family.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/05/2022 09:33

This is ridiculous-it’s his problem, not yours. Say no-he needs to make alternative plans.

Original poster
Celp28 · 02/05/2022 09:33

Pluvia · 02/05/2022 09:19

Your DB's dog won't be left alone, it will be left in the company of two other dogs including dogs that are used to being left alone. I'm a dog owner. I know my dog is happy when there are other dogs he knows and gets on well with. I think this is unlikely to be the massive problem you assume it will be. Have a few trial runs, introducing your DB's pup to your own dogs and then leaving him with them, first for five minutes, then fifteen, until you can build to an hour away for the school run.

Sorry I meant to tag this in my previous reply

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 09:39

I’m a bit of a people pleaser

That was obvious from the start. I astounded you agreed to this, and from the sound of it, it seems like you agreed to take this on without discussing it with your husband first. Your husband is right, this is way too big of an ask. Tell your brother he needs to find another solution. It's his dog, it's his responsibility.