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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not look after DB dog every day for six months?

56 replies

Celp28 · 02/05/2022 08:45

DB recently brought a puppy, it’s 12 weeks old. He worked from home when he brought it. He’s now been offered, and has accepted, a job that means going to the office for 4 hours every afternoon. The job is a ten minute drive from his house. He has asked me to look after it, to which I agreed until the puppy is of an age where it can be left. DB is now expecting me to have it until the end of his contract in November.
My DH is saying this is too big of a commitment for us. We both work, him from home and me a mixture of from home and the office. We have 2 DS, aged 2 and 6 and 2 dogs, 1 aged 5 years and 1 aged 5 months. We have just managed to get the 5 month old to a point we can leave her for an hour or so. DB’s doesn’t leave his dog, even for 10 minutes. He is literally with it 24/7, they even sleep together. DH says this will make life very difficult and restrictive for us as we won’t be able to leave the puppy, even to do the school/child minder run.
What do I do? I’ve promised DB I’ll help him but DH isn’t happy. Any advice welcome 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Celp28 · 02/05/2022 20:04

timeisnotaline · 02/05/2022 18:24

Wow you are a people pleaser. As someone above points out, what if you can’t work while the dog is there? Are you going to hand in your notice and expect to live off your dh because your entitled brother asked you to look after his dog? Honestly do you go over every morning to tie his shoelaces? When you said a couple of days a week until it can be left you should have said a couple of days a week for one month and you will have to have it trained by then as it won’t suit us for the holidays. I would have said a flat no, I’m just amazed that you are putting your brother who refuses or can’t be bothered to train his dog over both your dh and your children, as well as your job, several days a week, for 6 months?! Op, would he do even a fraction of that for you? Don’t you owe your dh more respect and your dc more priority?

Blimey. I’ll be sure to tell DH that you are concerned for his finances (after I’ve paid the mortgage payment this month).
Obviously my DH and children are my priority, hence my starting a thread to state I think I’ve made a mistake in offering my help. I may be living in cloud cuckoo land, but I believe in helping people if you have the capacity to do so.
My five year old dog was an absolute nightmare when we got him (rescue dog, one year old, separation anxiety, chewed everything in sight, could even jump on the worktops to destroy things). We got him to being an amazing, calm, loving and non chewing, pooing machine. I am hopeful that if DB takes the advice on training that is vastly available to him, his little puppy will be grand. My concern re my DB dog is that I wasn’t expecting him to rely completely on me/DH, whilst he is reluctant to train it.Now I realise he is expecting me to do the hard work. I was asking for advice on how I support him, whilst not being a doormat and disrupting my children. I wasn’t planning on requesting my P45 and being a lady of leisure, but now that seed has been planted....😂

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 03/05/2022 09:39

The real point op is that feeding your brothers entitlement to your and your family’s detriment only entrenches the problem. Not to mention you can’t train his dog in the time it might be at yours when he isn’t putting any effort into that himself in the time he has the dog. The appropriate answer is I didn’t realise you aren’t going to train the dog. I certainly can’t do that for you, it’s rewarding but a lot of effort. If you can’t make the effort you should rehome the dog while it can still be trained to give it a future. If that’s what’s happening best do it asap and we not be inconvenienced by having the dog for you.
I have some in laws like this and their mum is a people pleaser. An exhausted one, I should add. I find it very frustrating to watch and don’t play into it at all. You seem very nice and you will be happier if that doesn’t happen to you!

Ikeptgoing · 03/05/2022 09:53

OP it's ok to reply to your DBro that you didn't offer to have his puppy for 6 months everyday and to train him. You wfh and have your own DDogs DCs and life to lead, you agreed to have him a few weeks (were you expecting up to 4 months?) with him training his puppy to settle or crate train to be left for 4 hours whilst he is out at work and to be housetrained and not chew.

I don't know much about dogs but you can simply explain to your DBro that there has been a misunderstanding. You'll do it for few weeks but then either he arranges doggie day care for those hours if he wants someone for 6 months or he trains puppet himself to be left at his house whilst he is out as you had no idea he was expecting 6 months of weekday doggie training and dog day care from you!

I can't see how you can do that whilst also working and running your life with young DCs! I'd refuse to have doggie during school holidays entirely as weather varies so much you will be stuck unable to go out with your DCs on those rare hot beach days!

D0lphine · 03/05/2022 09:54

Just say "sorry I really don't think it's going to work logistically".

SleeplessInEngland · 03/05/2022 09:55

Another dickhead who bought a lockdown/WFH pet they suddenly can't look after. Tell him no, OP, and to pay for a professional service.

Ikeptgoing · 03/05/2022 09:56

I meant were you expecting up to 4 months in age for puppy? and that DBro would be working on training pup...

It does sound like DBro is asking you to do a huge job you don't have time or space in your life for, without his realising how BIG an ask it is

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